Updated On: January 29, 2025
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Relationship Mistakes Happen
Are you struggling with the feeling ‘I sabotaged my relationship and regret it’?
The good news is that there is an easy way out of all the guilt, and you can also retrieve your lost relationship.
Let’s dive straight into it.
Relationships are special. They are a great way to share your feelings and your life with someone. They open you up and let you be something more than just yourself. If we can handle our relationships with utmost love, care, and respect, they can make our lives truly beautiful.
However, sometimes mistakes occur that can ruin the bond and connection between partners.
These mistakes may be ignoring your partner, fighting with them on petty issues, or pushing them to the brink of a breakup.
Here is the exhaustive list of the signs that you may be sabotaging your relationship.
Sometimes, we may break up with our partners while upset and come to our senses later, only to realize we have sabotaged the relationship. We regret our behavior, but we often can’t recover what we had. Consequently, we have to go through some tough mental times where we blame ourselves for losing something precious.
However, it’s essential to recognize that blaming yourself or feeling sad isn’t the solution. You cannot change the past by dwelling on feelings of regret. Thus, you have to look forward and see what you can do.
So, stop overthinking and blaming yourself for accidentally sabotaging your relationship with your partner.
Let’s find out how you can do this.
I Sabotaged My Relationship And Regret It
There is a 5-step solution when you feel you have sabotaged your relationship and regret it deeply.
Analyse Your Mistake
When you sabotage your relationship and regret it, you first need to analyze your mistake.
You have already accepted your mistake, and that’s a big thing. It’s not easy to do so.
People always think that they cannot make mistakes. And even when they have, they move on without correcting themselves, which they will have to pay for in the future. All their relationships fail one after the other, and they can’t figure out why.
That is undoubtedly not going to happen to you! Kudos to you for your honesty in accepting your mistake in the relationship.
Having accepted it, you now have to analyze it.
So, see why you sabotaged your relationship. If you intentionally or unintentionally ignored your partner, find out why you did it and work on it.
One primary reason for ignoring your partner in a relationship is that you are busy with your work. If this is your reason, you must strive to achieve a work-life balance.
(This is an affiliate link. If you choose to purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.)
Many people find guided journals to be helpful in self-reflection and making mindful improvements in themselves. It may work for you as well, and thus is highly recommended.
If you fought with your partner over minor, unnecessary issues, you need to figure out why you did so.
It may be due to seeing fights within the family when you were small. If this is the case, you need to recognize it, let your past go, and start your life afresh with a new, healthy spirit.
Here are some significant reasons why one may sabotage their relationship.
If you are unsure about why you sabotaged your relationship, I suggest seeing a relationship expert who can restore your love life.
Apologize To Your Partner
The next step is apologizing to your partner for sabotaging the relationship.
When you have accepted and analyzed your mistake, it’s time to talk to your partner and apologize to them.
Apologizing to your partner for sabotaging the relationship requires considerable inner strength. It needs you to lower your ego, accept your mistake, and convince your partner that you are genuinely sorry.
Apologies clear your mind and clean your heart, thus freeing you of the burden of your mistake.
It doesn’t matter whether the other person forgives you or not; you can still have a new beginning if you have forgiven yourself.
Therefore, you must apologize to your partner and express to them how you truly feel. Tell them you accept risking the relationship and explain how awful you feel about it. Tell them that you are very sorry for your behavior.
If you shared an extraordinary bond with them, you can also explain why you did what you did. It will not only prompt them to accept your apology instantly but also evoke a sense of compassion.
Inform them that you will strive to improve going forward and that you require their support in achieving this.
If they are a good person and genuinely love you, they will forgive and take you back.
If this happens, great!
Your relationship would come alive again, and nothing could be better.
But even if they don’t take you back, it’s not such a bad thing.
If they have moved on and are in a relationship with someone else now, give them the freedom to do so. Respect their choice and their new relationship.
You must not feel hurt or disappointed if they do not take you back. When someone is unforgiving towards others, it’s often because they are struggling with their own life issues.
So, do not judge or complain; forgive them and wish them well for the future. If they are close enough, pray for them to find inner peace.
Move On
When your partner doesn’t forgive you, you need to move on in life.
You have accepted your mistake, apologized for it, and expressed a willingness to improve. That is all you could have done; thus, you should be proud of yourself.
There shouldn’t be any regret or guilt left in you. You can now move on in life with conviction.
It’s understandable if you need some time to mourn the breakup.
When you recover, start doing your best to be your true self again.
Enjoy your single life just like you used to when you weren’t in any relationship.
Love and self-love are almost the same thing. If you don’t have someone else to love you, you must make up for it and love yourself even more.
So, enjoy being single, do things you like, and give yourself the time of your life. At the same time, be full of positivity and hope for your future. Believe that you will soon meet your soulmate, who will love you deeply.
Find A Better Partner
The next step is to find a better partner.
When life takes away someone from you, it’s because it wants to give you someone better. It’s life’s way to make you learn and become a better version of yourself.
Had your last partner been the one for you, you wouldn’t have sabotaged your relationship with them.
You would have valued them and ensured they stayed in your life forever. That you didn’t do all those things shows that they weren’t your soulmate.
But now that you have improved, there is a great chance the next person you meet will be your soulmate.
Continue enjoying your single life and giving your best in all aspects, and you will soon find your soulmate.
When you meet them, it will feel like they were the person missing from your life until now. In their company, you would feel complete and loved to your core. You would be willing to go to any extent to keep them in your life and be with them for as long as you live.
Do Not Repeat Your Past Mistakes
The final, yet most crucial step, is learning from past relationship mistakes.
When you have found your soulmate, they will never let you go because you are perfect for each other.
Always remember your past mistakes, though in a healthy way, and the lessons you learned from them. Make sure you do not repeat them even in the worst of times. Doing so will keep any relationship sabotage or related guilt at bay.
You must focus on continually improving your relationship. Doing this would strengthen your bond with your soulmate with each passing moment.
Be so loving and caring to your soulmate that it also brings out the best in them, too.
No mistakes can ever happen when you are madly in love with your soulmate. Even if they do, your relationship will have grown so strong that you both can deal with the issue without much fuss.
Thus, your romantic relationship with your soulmate will become eternal when you stop repeating your past mistakes.
You Deserve Another Chance
The constant regret of sabotaging your relationship may be tough to handle.
Here are some of the grave consequences of sabotaging a relationship that you may have to go through.
Your relationship mistake doesn’t mean endless regret and guilt within you, and you must forgive yourself for sabotaging your relationship.
Here is how you can do it.
I highly recommend this beautiful book by Beverly Flanigan, which will help you forgive yourself and cultivate a more positive outlook.
The larger message is that whatever happens in life happens for the best. Therefore, you must believe in your journey and refrain from blaming yourself or harboring any regrets.
Move on, love yourself more, and find the partner you deserve in life.
FAQs
How does self-sabotaging a relationship harm my self-love?
Love and self-love are interrelated and interconnected. Changes in one affect the other.
So, even when you go through a breakup where it’s no fault of yours, your self-love is in the doldrums. You constantly doubt yourself and are worried about the future.
However, when you self-sabotage your relationship, it becomes a worse situation, as you know you are the one at fault. It can make self-forgiveness difficult.
In the process, you impose “punishments” on yourself, causing your self-love to plummet drastically, sometimes even drawing it closer to self-hatred.
Is it normal to regret ending a relationship?
Yes. Whenever a relationship ends, it’s obvious to think whether you were the reason behind it. This regret helps you learn and grow from the experience of the relationship.
Learning from the relationship is a healthy and natural process, so that you do not repeat the same mistake in your next relationship.
If you have ended the relationship voluntarily, it’s almost certain you will regret it. It’s a fundamental aspect of human nature.
It also occurs due to the uncertainty that surrounds your next relationship. You think about whether you will ever get into a relationship again.
So, even if you were confident when you decided to end your relationship, it’s likely that you will regret the decision once you go through with it.
Have I sabotaged my relationship, or is my ex gaslighting me?
If you’re considering this, your ex might have broken up with you and is now blaming you for it.
It’s also possible that they planned the breakup and made it look like you did it.
To get hold of the truth, you must step away from what your ex has planted in your mind and look at the incident fresh.
You must ask yourself, ‘Did I want the breakup to happen?’ If you are unsure, analyze your actions leading up to the incident.
If your actions do not add up or signal that you did affect the breakup, in all likelihood, your ex gaslighted you into believing that you sabotaged the relationship.
To be sure, you can also analyze your ex’s actions leading up to the breakup.
How do I forgive myself for ruining my relationship?
When you sabotage a healthy relationship that could have led to something great, it’s normal to feel devastated.
However, self-criticism is never the answer.
You must remind yourself that you are not perfect, and neither was your relationship. Mistakes are bound to happen in a relationship, and it’s what makes us human.
Mistakes don’t mean your relationship is beyond repair or that you can’t get a better relationship in the future.
The best way to forgive yourself after ruining a relationship is to give your partner an honest apology.
If they genuinely love you, they will forgive you; if they don’t, maybe you are better off without them. You can move on ahead confidently and without any guilt left in you.
Believe that it happened for the best and that you will soon meet your soulmate, who will have the strength to forgive you for your mistakes.
How to feel better after screwing up?
The best way to feel better after sabotaging a relationship is to talk to someone close to you, such as a friend or a family member.
They will help you stop feeling like the culprit.
Talking to them will make you believe that it wasn’t your fault and that maybe it was meant to happen.
It will help you clear yourself of any blame, thus making you feel much better.
Also, talking to that loved one will help you stop feeling lonely after the breakup.
How can I be sure that it was me who sabotaged my relationship?
To confirm this, you first need to check if it was your partner who was at fault.
If they did something wrong, like cheating on you or lying to you, and had been a repeat offender, your actions were justified, and you didn’t sabotage the relationship.
But if it was something small and your partner apologized to you for their behavior, you may have overreacted.
In this case, you may have sabotaged the relationship.
You can also discuss the entire matter with a friend and ask for their opinion.
What kind of a person self-sabotages their relationship?
Three primary types of individuals self-sabotage their relationships.
First, a person with a troubled childhood or past. A history of unhealthy or unstable relationships in the past can lead them to sabotage their current relationships.
Second, insecure people. These people are always fearful or doubt themselves and what they deserve. They can’t help but drive good things away from their lives.
Finally, people who are constantly in search of a better relationship or partner. They may sabotage their relationships even when they are with their soulmates. They lack the art of being steady and satisfied, even with the right person.
What does it mean when you self-sabotage a relationship?
When you sabotage a healthy relationship, it may indicate that you are unhappy with your life.
In the frustration of not having things you want in life, you may sabotage what you already have, making your life worse.
Thus, you need to spot the reason for your unhappiness and turn it into an opportunity to be happy.
Do whatever it takes and do not give up until you have overcome the reason behind your unhappiness.
It will ensure that you do not sabotage your future relationships and learn to nurture them lovingly.
Can any good ever come out of sabotaging a relationship?
Yes. It may be surprising, but many times, sabotaging a relationship may prove to be a blessing in disguise.
There are three possible scenarios in which this can occur.
First, when your partner was a toxic person, and you had not been able to walk away from them.
Second, you learn an essential lesson from impulsively sabotaging your relationship. It will secure your next relationship from any such mistakes, as you will grow as a partner.
Third, if sabotaging a relationship lands you with your soulmate, sabotaging your previous relationship could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
How do I get over a relationship that I ruined?
Letting go of a healthy relationship and a good partner, especially when you ruined the relationship, can be tough.
The key lies in self-forgiveness! Tell yourself that you are human and such things happen.
The next step is to apologize to your ex. Overcome any ego or shame and apologize to your ex with an honest heart. Even if they don’t forgive you, you can move on without any regrets.
You can move on in life with the belief that you will soon meet your soulmate.
I sabotaged my relationship and am scared of entering into a new one. What do I do?
Your fear is valid, but it’s normal to feel so. It may even be a positive sign.
Being scared of entering into a new relationship shows that you are sorry for sabotaging your previous relationship and that you want to be more cautious in the future.
To overcome your fear, you will need to identify the cause of sabotaging your previous relationship and work on addressing it. Eliminating the cause will help you emerge as a better partner.
If you sabotaged the relationship by ignoring your partner due to a busy work schedule, strive to achieve a better work-life balance.
If it was because you felt insecure in the relationship, it may indicate an issue relating to childhood trauma, and you must consult a professional at the earliest.
When you feel ready and confident to enter into a new relationship, start meeting new people, and things will go great!
Will I ever allow myself to be in a stable relationship?
If you keep seeing yourself as the problem and perceive yourself as someone sabotaging your relationship, things may get increasingly more difficult.
You must forgive yourself and identify the issue that is causing you to sabotage your relationships one after the other. Targeting that cause is what you need to do.
So, spot it, see it as something that doesn’t define you, fight it, and overcome it.
Once the underlying cause is eliminated, you can have a stable and loving relationship.
Will I ever be in a relationship as good as the one I sabotaged?
Relationships are not a profit & loss statement that you need to compare or keep track of. If you keep comparing them, your current relationship might seem worse than your previous one.
So, stop being anxious and start being more positive about your relationships.
Trust your inner knowing and believe that you ended your previous relationship subconsciously, only to find a better one.
Doing this will help you land in a relationship with your soulmate.
I compulsively sabotage even my perfect relationships. What do I do?
Compulsiveness is the result of unattended life issues. What you need to do is get to the bottom of the problem.
For example, if you sabotage your relationships because you find it difficult to trust your partner, you should see an expert immediately.
Bringing the issue out in the open, discussing it with someone who can help, and working on solutions will eliminate the compulsiveness that currently ails your relationships.
Can a ruined relationship be fixed?
Yes. A ruined relationship can be fixed with some effort in the right direction.
If it was ruined due to both partners who are now willing to compromise, discuss the issue, and work on the potential solutions, the relationship can be recovered.
If it was you who ruined your relationship, you must accept your mistake honestly and apologize to your partner.
Remember not to expect any quick fixes. Give your partner the time to recover from the shock of the incident.
When they heal fully, they might forgive you, and the relationship will recover.
How do you know if your relationship is beyond repair?
No bump is big enough to end a relationship if both partners want to be together.
So, whether a relationship can be repaired or not depends on the attitude, commitment, and efforts both partners are willing to put into the relationship.
Sometimes, even a tiny issue can render the relationship obsolete; at other times, even the biggest challenges may be seen through successfully.
Thus, if you have the required attitude and commitment and are willing to put in the required amount of effort into the relationship, ask the same questions of your partner.
The relationship can be repaired if they are aligned with your perspective.
If they are not, your relationship is now beyond repair.
How do you fix a relationship after you messed up?
To repair a relationship after making a mistake, first, you must forgive yourself. It will free you from the guilt of ruining it.
The second step is to improve yourself as a partner so you never repeat the mistake. It will give you the confidence to get back your relationship.
And the final step is to apologize to your partner honestly. It will convince your partner that you truly regret sabotaging the relationship, thereby making them more likely to forgive you.
Should I try to recover the relationship I sabotaged?
If you love your partner and the relationship means a great deal to you, you should try to rebuild it after the sabotage.
Do not let ego or fear come in the way.
Even if they don’t take you back, you can move on fully satisfied with yourself.
It will also help you learn and ensure that you do not repeat your mistake in future relationships.
I feel ashamed of myself for sabotaging my relationship. How do I approach my ex for reconciliation?
Do not let shame come in the way of repairing your sabotaged relationship. You can use it for that cause.
So, let your partner know that you are incredibly sorry for sabotaging the relationship. Tell them how bad you feel and promise not to repeat the mistake in the future.
The bottom line is that if the relationship means so much to you, every obstacle in the way should appear as a stepping stone to you.
Do not let a loving relationship slip out of your hands for a petty reason like shame.
Will my partner take me back after I sabotaged our relationship?
The honest answer is – They may or may not.
But that’s not in your hands. What is, is making genuine efforts towards recovering the relationship.
So, apologize to them anyway, even if you feel a bit of discomfort on account of lowering your ego.
If they forgive you, great!
But even if they don’t, you won’t feel bad for not even giving it a last try.
So, trying is more important here than whether or not your partner takes you back.
Will I ever stop loving my ex after having sabotaged the relationship?
When you sabotage a relationship, you can’t help but think about what the future of that relationship could have been.
It may keep you stuck in life, and you may not feel like entering into a new relationship.
Thus, if you still feel that way about your ex, you must try getting them back one last time.
What if they are waiting for you as well?
So, try contacting them, tell them how much you miss them, and apologize for the harm you caused to the relationship.
If you both still love each other and it’s truly meant to be, your relationship will come alive!
If a sabotaged relationship recovers, will it ever be as good as it once was?
Yes, a sabotaged relationship that recovers can be as good as it once was. But for this to happen, certain conditions must be met.
First, the sabotaging partner should show genuine improvement, which can make the other person trust them again.
Second, they should not live with the guilt of sabotaging the relationship or continue to apologize to their partner. They must let it go so that the incident can be put to rest.
Finally, they should be patient in waiting for their partner to forgive them fully.
The relationship can even be better than before if the sabotage or breakup brings partners closer together and helps them improve as a couple.
How do I prevent myself from sabotaging my relationship in the future?
The most important thing is to learn from your mistake. You must ensure that you do not repeat the same mistake ever again.
You must also indulge in self-reflection to ensure you aren’t doing something else that may sabotage the relationship. If you find something, you must work on it. You can also ask your partner for their help. You can also seek professional help if needed.
You’ll need to value your relationship, so you can invest in becoming a better partner. It will help you prevent sabotaging your relationship ever again.
Am I self-sabotaging my relationship?
Signs you may be self-sabotaging your relationship:
- Feeling insecure all the time
- Having unreasonable expectations of your partner
- Ignoring your partner
- Being insensitive to your partner’s feelings
- Being complaining and criticising your partner
- Not being able to manage a troubled past
- Being distrustful of your partner
- Cheating on your partner
- Lying to your partner
- Getting into ugly arguments with your partner over minor issues
- Feeling jealous
- Comparing your current relationship to your past ones
- Being scared of commitment
If you are doing any of these, you might be sabotaging your relationship.
You can also observe your partner; if they seem unhappy with you, it’s possible that you might be sabotaging the relationship. You must discuss it with your partner through a deep, honest, and meaningful conversation.
