Disclaimer: The information provided in this article about anxiety, depression, and mental health is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a mental health professional or call emergency services.
The Horrors of Social Anxiety
Have you ever walked into a room full of people and suddenly felt your heartbeat racing?
If yes, then you are familiar with social anxiety.
But if you go through this horror every time you have to face people, you have social anxiety.
You know exactly how it feels to be scared of facing a bunch of people. You understand what goes on in one’s mind when it feels everybody is looking at you, thinking about you, and probably judging every movement made by you.
To say the least, it makes you wanna run to some dark place where no one can see you.
But you don’t need to worry, as you aren’t alone!
Every human being goes through social anxiety in their lives, at least at some point in time. Some people may manage it better and emerge from it, while others may feel overwhelmed and stuck.
But the good news is that the perplexing question – “How to be confident with social anxiety?” does have an answer.
It’s not about faking confidence but feeling genuinely confident while honoring your nervous system.
And this is what this article will help you with.
Let’s begin by understanding social anxiety in detail.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is the fear of interacting with people, especially large crowds. As the number of people you face increases, the level of your anxiety also rises.
When a socially anxious person is alone, they can be themselves fully. But when they have to face people, they feel the need to hide their true selves. This psychology is what gives rise to social anxiety.
The farther you are from your true self, the greater social anxiety you experience.
Globally, 5-10% of people suffer from social anxiety disorder.
Here is how social anxiety develops in a person.
How Social Anxiety Develops Over Time – Stages & Underlying Steps
Remember, although the infographic shows the recovery to start after the ‘Clinical Level,’ you can break the cycle of social anxiety at any stage.
People who haven’t experienced social anxiety believe it’s not real or not something serious. There are several misconceptions about social anxiety. Here are some, along with their clarifications.
Myths About Social Anxiety
Myth 1: Social anxiety is shyness.
Truth: Shyness is a milder form of social anxiety. When you are shy, you avoid people because you are uncomfortable and not because you feel anxious. However, if left unaddressed, shyness may develop into social anxiety in the long run.
To make the difference between social anxiety and social awkwardness clear, here is a comparison between the two.
Myth 2: Social anxiety is rudeness.
Truth: Social anxiety might appear as rudeness, but it’s not. Rudeness is when you deliberately avoid people or talk rudely with them. But when you suffer from social anxiety, you want to shorten your time around people, however possible, which may look like you are being rude to people.
Myth 3: Social Anxiety is a weakness.
Truth: Many people, especially the ones struggling with social anxiety, think it to be a weakness. They take social anxiety as incapability or something to be disappointed over. But social anxiety isn’t a weakness but a natural nervous system response of the human body to keep you “safe,” which you can overcome with effort.
Subtle signs indicate the prevalence of social anxiety in a person.
Signs A Person Is Struggling With Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is natural in all humans up to a certain extent. However, some factors exacerbate the issue, making it troublesome for some individuals.
Here are some of the primary reasons why one may experience social anxiety.
Why People Develop Social Anxiety
Childhood Experiences
There can be certain distasteful childhood experiences that can instill social anxiety in a person. These are:
1) Bullying or teasing
2) Overly critical or controlling parents
3) Embarrassing public experiences
4) Lack of emotional validation growing up
Genetics And Brain Chemistry
If a parent has a history of social anxiety or another anxiety disorder, the risk of social anxiety in a person rises.
Also, if the fear center of the brain (Amygdala) responds more intensely to social threats in a person, it might result in social anxiety.
Low serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter and a hormone in our body, is also often linked to anxiety.
Personality Traits
Some people are naturally more sensitive to external circumstances and their own emotions.
Also, while introversion or being reserved isn’t the cause of social anxiety, it can make social pressure more overwhelming.
Social Conditioning
Watching anxious parents while growing up can cause social anxiety in a person.
Additionally, growing up in environments with constant judgment or harsh evaluation can also lead to social anxiety.
Technology And Social Media
The fear of being judged, compared, or criticized online can trigger social anxiety in an individual.
Academic or Work Pressure
Being expected to perform in front of people in meetings and presentations can give one social anxiety.
Additionally, competitive environments that equate social performance with success can lead to social anxiety.
Have you noticed that in the presence of social anxiety, confidence feels impossible?
The reason behind this is the strange relationship between social anxiety and self-confidence.
Relationship Between Confidence And Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is the enemy of self-confidence. It erodes self-confidence by expanding its negative influence on you.
Both these entities can’t co-exist healthily, which is why you feel underconfident when socially anxious. Social anxiety makes you believe that people are judging you, which reduces your confidence.
But you can make your confidence outgrow social anxiety. The key is to understand that confidence is not the absence of anxiety but the presence of self-trust.
So, you don’t have to wait for anxiety to end but look to increase your self-belief.
Although a lack of confidence plays a significant role, there are other reasons why people fail to overcome social anxiety.
Here are some hidden reasons why people fail to outgrow their social anxiety.
Primary Reasons Why People Fail To Overcome Social Anxiety
When you fail to overcome social anxiety, you may accept it subconsciously and start living with it.
Social anxiety not only gives you unbearable stress but also slowly maules your social life.
It affects you emotionally, mentally, physically, socially, and even professionally.
Here are some of the most debilitating adverse effects of social anxiety.
How Social Anxiety Affects Your Life Negatively
1) You develop a constant fear of embarrassment or rejection in public places.
2) You often experience overwhelming nervousness when interacting with people.
3) You often feel ashamed and even guilty for being “too shy” or “awkward.”
4) You feel lonely even when surrounded by people or friends.
5) Social anxiety gradually pushes you towards sadness or even depression.
6) You constantly overthink or ruminate with questions like – “Did I sound stupid?” Or “What if they hate me?”
7) Your self-esteem falls, and you start doubting your self-worth.
8) You start feeling like an imposter, especially at your workplace, as you think nobody truly knows you.
9) You are hyper-aware of what people might be thinking about you.
10) Your mind cooks up a storm of self-judgment and self-criticism.
11) You sweat, tremble, and blush in social settings.
11) You experience rapid heartbeat, nausea, and dizziness when around a large crowd.
12) You feel muscle tension, fatigue, or complete exhaustion after social interactions.
13) You avoid social situations, public speaking, or making eye contact with people.
14) You consciously withdraw from friendships, relationships, and opportunities in life.
15) To distract yourself, you take refuge in coping habits like phone scrolling, alcohol, and silence.
16) At your workplace, you fear meetings, presentations, or asking questions.
17) You deliberately let go of leadership roles or promotions.
18) Your work performance suffers, not because you lack skill but because of anxiety.
19) You often take sick leave to avoid group activities or situations.
Overcoming social anxiety may feel hard, especially if you have just started trying.
Thus, instead of trying to overcome it in one go, you can first work in silence to increase your confidence.
Here is how you can do this.
How To Be Confident With Social Anxiety
Ignore People
Unless you have to talk to people, ignore them. Act as if they do not exist around you. Be busy doing your own thing.
It will instantly boost your confidence.
Talk Less & Smart
When you have no choice but to talk to people, be to the point and use short sentences or single words like “Okay,” “Sure,” and Absolutely.”
While talking to them, do not look into their eyes (only appear to do so). Focus more on what you are saying, as if you are talking to yourself.
Practice Positive Body Language
When talking to or interacting with people, instead of biting your nails or appearing tense, choose to exhibit positive body language.
Stand cross-armed or hands-in-pocket and keep a smile on your face.
Think of Them As “Equals”
Often, the cause of social anxiety is that we perceive people as being superior or inferior to ourselves.
Try looking at them as “equals,” not above, not below, and your social anxiety might vanish into thin air.
Avoid Getting Into Their Minds
While standing in front of them or talking to them, stop thinking about what they might be thinking about you.
If you can’t help it, practice thinking they are thinking something positive about you.
Take Your Power Back
Stop giving too much importance to people’s negative opinions about you. If they are thinking bad about you, it’s their problem, not yours.
Make your opinion the only one that matters to you.
Open Up Your Mind
Social anxiety may also be the result of being closed to the possibility of learning the art of public interaction.
Open this possibility in your mind, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
An open mind is a mind that is constantly learning in silence, which will slowly increase your confidence to interact socially.
Get Regular Public Exposure
Stop hiding from people and make it a daily exercise to expose yourself to the public.
Meet different people, talk to them, and before you know it, your social anxiety will turn into social confidence.
By doing the above things, you can reach a point where social anxiety becomes manageable. At this point, your confidence is almost equal to the anxiety you experience when around people.
But there can still be bad days when you feel your confidence is dwindling.
Thus, you need to go one step ahead and overcome your social anxiety once and for all.
Here is how you can do it.
How To Overcome Social Anxiety
Embrace Micro-Exposure, Not Overexposure
Take baby steps in getting public exposure, as overexposure may dent your confidence.
Suit yourself and do as it feels comfortable. However, remember to keep moving forward at a steady pace.
Use “Name It to Tame It” in Real Time
Many times, we blank out, feel numb, or fall into a kind of paralysis when social anxiety strikes.
Do not fall into that trap.
When you sense going into a hole, remind yourself that it’s social anxiety.
By knowing what’s happening, you put yourself in a position to start controlling the situation.
Anchor Into Your Body with Grounding Tools
When you know you are feeling anxious, use the 4-7-8 breathing technique.
Count to 8; when you reach 4, inhale, keep counting, and hold your breath till 7, and then exhale at 8.
This technique resets your nervous system to arrest and release anxiety from your system.
Reframe Negative Thoughts (Without Toxic Positivity)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches us that our thoughts aren’t facts. Use this to reframe your negative thoughts.
So, if a thought says – “I always mess up,” don’t take it at face value; question it and reframe it positively.
What you can say is – “Sometimes I get nervous, and that’s human.”
Practice Self-Compassion, Not Self-Force
When you try to apply force to a negative emotion, it not only strengthens but also multiplies.
So, instead of trying to force yourself out of social anxiety, practice self-compassion.
Replace reactions like “You’re embarrassing” with “It’s hard, but I am proud of you for trying.”
Use the “Spotlight Effect” to Your Advantage
Research suggests that we often overestimate how much people notice us.
So, you may feel under the lens all the time, but most people are focused on themselves, not you.
You can use this scientific fact to boost your confidence in your battle with social anxiety.
Prep Before, Process After (The 2-P Rule)
Social anxiety has a simple rule: do peaceful activities, such as journaling or deep breathing, to calm yourself before a social interaction. And then after the social interaction, indulge in gentle self-care activities, such as taking a walk, savoring tea, or writing down three things that went okay.
Doing this helps build emotional safety around anxious social outings.
Find Your Safe Social Circles First
Social anxiety is much less or minimal when you start by exposing yourself to safe social circles.
These groups are low-pressure situations that can boost your confidence effortlessly.
You can also find a support group for social anxiety and meet like-minded people there.
To feel even less pressure, you can start with an online support group.
Connecting to such groups will help you develop self-acceptance easily.
Celebrate Micro-Wins Like a Champion
Significant achievements don’t happen overnight by taking one big step.
It takes a collection of smaller steps over time, celebrating success after each one.
So, celebrate making eye contact, spending 15 minutes at a social event, or speaking even if your voice shook.
Remember, when you start celebrating smaller wins, it’s a giant leap toward overcoming social anxiety.
There are certain things that you need to be careful about while overcoming social anxiety.
Bypassing these can keep you stuck or even make your social anxiety worse.
Take a good look at these caveats.
Caveats In Overcoming Social Anxiety
Faking Extroversion
The idea ‘Fake it till you make it’ has become quite popular today, especially among young people.
They believe that by faking confidence and acting extroverted, they can overcome social anxiety.
To some extent, it’s true, but there is a significant catch.
Faking confidence or extroversion can overcome social anxiety only if it’s manageable and not overwhelming.
It’s like running a 100-meter sprint and motivating yourself for the last 10 meters to give yourself a final push.
You cannot win the sprint merely by motivating yourself when you are just getting started. It would also need preparation, dedication, consistency, and patience.
Thus, if you are just getting started, faking extroversion and confidence won’t help overcome social anxiety.
On the contrary, it might exacerbate the anxiety, as a failure would further erode your confidence.
What is needed is accepting the truth, making a smart step-by-step plan, and sticking to it.
Comparing Yourself To Others
Comparisons can make social anxiety worse.
When you compare your social anxiety with that of others, it will only add to the pressure and decrease your self-esteem further.
Thus, your sole focus must be on overcoming your social anxiety. Understand that you are unique, and be gentle and self-compassionate enough to stop comparing yourself to others.
Avoiding Every Social Event Forever
To overcome social anxiety, you have to face your fears by making yourself more social.
It’s as simple as that.
You can take your time and move towards your goal in baby steps. But you have to ensure that you are making progress and aren’t avoiding situations that are out of your comfort zone.
Do not worry if the progress is small or you still feel stuck. Be focused on your next small step, and be prepared to walk it.
When To Seek Help For Social Anxiety?
Another important thing in overcoming social anxiety is never to underestimate the importance of therapy.
If you are finding it difficult to manage social anxiety and it’s affecting your life significantly, you must immediately consult an expert.
One of the biggest myths around social anxiety is that you need to “toughen up” or “get over it.”
Social anxiety is a real and serious issue that might need expert help. And doing so isn’t a weakness but the most courageous and wise thing you can do.
It can help you stop fear from controlling your life and dreams.
So, if social anxiety is significantly interfering with your life and is making you feel exhausted or emotionally drained, you must seek help immediately!
Here is what therapy can do for your social anxiety.
How Therapy Helps In Overcoming Social Anxiety
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
It is one of the most researched and effective treatments for social anxiety.
It helps you recognize and challenge your distorted thought patterns, gradually helping you face your fears.
It helps you rewire your brain to stop seeing social situations as threats.
ACT (Acceptance And Commitment Therapy)
Instead of “getting rid” of anxiety, ACT teaches you to accept discomfort as a natural part of life. It trains you to stay present instead of staying trapped in your negative thought patterns.
It gradually helps you make concerted efforts aligned with your values — even in the face of fear.
Group Therapy And Support Circles
You are not alone, and connecting with others who share your experience can be a healing experience.
Group therapy can help you practice social interaction in a non-judgmental way. It provides genuine, comforting, and helpful feedback from peers and professionals.
You feel others share the same fears and that they are rooting for your growth.
TeleHealth And Online Programs
If you feel you aren’t ready for face-to-face interactions, you can get help from online therapy programs.
You can get certified help from online health professionals who offer video or chat sessions to heal you in the comfort of your home.
“Bravery isn’t the absence of fear—it’s deciding that something else matters more.”
Remember, reaching out isn’t admitting defeat. It’s the first to reclaim your voice, your peace, and your place in the world.
It’s Time To Boost Your Confidence
It’s essential to recognize that confidence is a practice that fosters self-belief over time. It’s not a personality trait that you either have or don’t have.
And this is the good news you have been waiting for!
It means that you can increase your confidence and overcome your social anxiety by working on yourself.
It’s time you realized you already have what it takes; the only things you need are the tools and the time.
I am leaving you with a glimpse of the life that awaits you beyond social anxiety.
Get Motivated!
FAQs
Why do I feel nervous around someone I like?
Feeling nervous around someone you like is normal, not necessarily a sign of social anxiety. You feel nervous because they are too special for you. A possible conversation with them makes you anxious as you don’t know what to say or how to react. The fear of being rejected by your crush is another reason why you may feel nervous around them.
How do you reduce anxiety immediately?
To reduce anxiety immediately, try deep breathing, positive thinking, and using positive affirmations, as well as smiling. While breathing, focus on your breath and nothing else. Release any pressure that you may be putting on yourself or your mind. Remind yourself – “It’s okay, relax! You are safe, and everything is going to be fine.”
How to talk with social anxiety?
When you have social anxiety, do not try to talk fast or more than needed. Give precise answers using short sentences and single words like – “I am doing good, thank you,” “I understand,” or “Fine.” While listening, choose not to make eye contact with the speaker but to look somewhere “safe” around them and nod along to signify you are listening to them intently.
What worsens social anxiety?
Social anxiety can worsen if the “Trigger Cause” activates. For example, if the cause of your social anxiety is “fear of being judged,” and the person you are talking to gives a negative opinion about you. To arrest worsening social anxiety, take a pause, take a deep breath, tell your mind their opinion isn’t correct, and smile.
Does social anxiety ever go away?
Yes, you can overcome social anxiety. You can first try overcoming it yourself by using helpful content, such as blogs or YouTube videos. You can also get help from a trusted family member or friend to work through social anxiety. If you still find it to be troublesome, you can consult an expert therapist.
Does social anxiety get worse with age?
Generally, social anxiety tends to improve with age. As you grow older, you get more social exposure and tend to become more confident about yourself. Social anxiety can worsen with age only if you keep yourself stuck in your fears without opening yourself up to people. If you find it too difficult to overcome on your own, you should consider taking expert help.
What is the best therapy for social anxiety?
The best therapy for social anxiety is facing your fear, although in a phased manner and not all at once. To accomplish this, you can break down the entire process into several phases, ensuring you make progress at every subsequent stage. Remember, feeling stuck or slipping backward is part of the process. The important thing is not to give up.
