Updated On: January 29, 2025
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Mistakes Happen
Are you struggling with the feeling ‘I sabotaged my relationship and regret it’?
The good news is that there is an easy way out of all the guilt.
Relationships are special.
They are a great way to share your feelings and your life with someone.
They open you up and let you be something more than just yourself.
They make our lives beautiful if we can handle them with utmost love, care, and respect.
But sometimes mistakes happen that ruin the bond and connection between partners.
These mistakes may be ignoring your partner, fighting with them on petty issues, or pushing them to the brink of a breakup.
Here is the exhaustive list of the signs that you may be sabotaging your relationship.
Sometimes, we may even break up with them while upset and come to our senses later when we have sabotaged the relationship.
We regret our behavior but often can’t recover what we had.
We have to go through some tough times mentally where we blame ourselves for losing something so precious.
But it’s important to understand that blaming yourself or being sad isn’t the answer.
You cannot change the past by feeling bad about it.
You have to look forward and see what you can do.
So, stop overthinking and blaming yourself for accidentally sabotaging your relationship with your partner.
I Sabotaged My Relationship And Regret It
There is a 5-step solution when you feel you have sabotaged your relationship and regret it deeply.
Analyse Your Mistake
When you sabotage your relationship and regret it, you first need to analyze your mistake.
You have already accepted your mistake, and that’s a big thing.
It’s not easy to do so.
People always think that they cannot make mistakes.
And even when they have, they move on without correcting themselves, which they will have to pay for in the future.
All their relationships fail one after the other, and they can’t figure out why.
That is undoubtedly not going to happen to you.
So, kudos to you for your honesty in accepting your mistake in the relationship.
Having accepted it, you now have to analyze it.
So, see why you sabotaged your relationship.
If you ignored your partner, find out why and work on it.
One primary reason for ignoring your partner in a relationship is because you are busy with your work.
If this is your reason, you must bring work-life balance into your life.
(This is an affiliate link. If you choose to purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.)
Many people find guided journals to be helpful in self-reflection and making mindful improvements in themselves.
It may work for you as well and thus is highly recommended.
If you fought with your partner over minor, unnecessary issues, you need to figure out why you did so.
It may be due to seeing fights within the family when you were small.
If this is the case, you need to recognize it, let your past go, and start your life afresh with a new, healthy spirit.
If you fought with your partner because you had too many work responsibilities and workloads, again, you need a work-life balance.
Work stress should never be allowed to ruin our personal lives.
If you broke up with your partner, check if this was the case in your previous relationships.
When children see fights and divorce in the family, they subconsciously catch it.
Here are some other reasons why one may sabotage their relationship.
They keep doing the same things in their lives without knowing why they are doing it.
So, if you have seen too many divorces in your family and around you, do not let them affect your relationships.
I suggest seeing a relationship expert who can restore your love life.
It will go a long way toward helping you give your best in relationships and ensuring a constant source of love and support in life.
You complete the first step by analyzing your mistake.
Apologize To Your Partner
The next step is apologizing to your partner for sabotaging the relationship.
When you have accepted and analyzed your mistake, it’s time to talk to your partner and apologize to them.
Apologizing to somebody for your mistake needs even greater strength than accepting your mistake.
You need to give up your ego and surrender yourself.
Apologies clear your mind and clean your heart, thus freeing you of your mistake.
It doesn’t matter whether the other person forgives you; you can have a new beginning if you have forgiven yourself.
So, you must apologize to your partner and tell them how you truly feel.
Tell them you accept risking the relationship and explain how awful you feel about it.
Tell them that you are very sorry for your behavior.
If you shared an extraordinary bond with them, you can also explain why you did what you did.
Tell them that you will try to improve going forward and that you need their support in doing this.
If they are a good person and genuinely love you, they will forgive and take you back.
If this happens, great!
Your relationship would come alive again, and nothing could be better.
But even if they don’t take you back, it’s not bad for you.
If they have moved on and are in a relationship with someone else, give them the freedom to do so.
Respect their choice and their new relationship.
But you need to forgive them if they do not take you back.
When someone isn’t forgiving to others, it’s because they are dealing with their life issues.
So, do not judge or complain; forgive them and wish them all the best for their future.
If they were too close, pray for them that they can get out of their issues in life.
Move On
When your partner doesn’t forgive you, you need to move on in life.
You have accepted your mistake, apologized for it, and expressed the willingness to improve.
That is all you could have done; thus, you should be proud of yourself.
There shouldn’t be any regret or guilt left in you.
You can now move on with contentment in your mind and freedom in your spirit.
It’s understood if you need some time to mourn the breakup.
When you recover, start doing the best you can to be your true self.
Enjoy your single life just like you used to do when you weren’t in any relationship.
Love and self-love are almost the same things.
If you don’t have someone else to love you, you must make up for it and love yourself even more.
So, enjoy being single, do things you like, and give yourself the time of your life.
At the same time, be full of positivity and hope for your future.
Believe that you will soon meet your soulmate who loves you more than anybody else.
Moving on is an important step and you must prepare yourself well for it.
Find A Better Partner
The next step is to find a better partner.
When life takes away someone from you, it’s because it wants to give you someone better.
It’s life’s way to make you learn and become a better version of yourself.
If your last partner was the one for you, you wouldn’t have ignored them, fought with them, or broken up with them.
You would have valued them and ensured they stayed in your life forever.
That you didn’t do all those things means they were not your soulmate.
But now that you have improved, there is a great chance the next person you meet will be your soulmate.
Keep enjoying your single life and giving your best everywhere, and you will soon find your soulmate.
When you do, it will feel like they were the person missing from your life until now.
In their company, you would feel complete and loved to your core.
You would be willing to go to any extent to keep them in your life and be with them for as long as you live.
Do Not Repeat Your Past Mistakes
The final but probably the most crucial step is learning from past relationship mistakes.
When you have found your soulmate, they will never let you go because you are perfect for them.
If they believe so, you must become perfect for them so you don’t lose them.
Always remember your past mistakes, though in a healthy way, and the lessons you learned from them.
Make sure you do not repeat them even in the worst of times.
Doing so will keep any relationship sabotage or related guilt at bay.
You have to focus on becoming constantly better in your relationship.
Doing this would strengthen your bond with your soulmate with each passing moment.
Be so loving and caring to your soulmate that it also brings out the best in them.
No mistakes can ever happen when you are madly in love with your soulmate.
Even if they do, your relationship will have grown so strong that you both can deal with the issue effortlessly.
Thus, your romantic relationship with your soulmate will become eternal when you stop repeating your past mistakes.
You Deserve Another Chance
The constant regret of sabotaging your relationship may be tough to handle.
Here are some of the grave consequences of sabotaging a relationship that you may have to go through.
But it should not mean endless regret and guilt within you.
Especially when you have accepted your mistake, you should forgive yourself.
Here is how you can do it.
If you look at it, it wasn’t your mistake, and it may have been a disguised blessing.
God planned to make you finally meet with your soulmate.
If it were them with whom you committed the mistake, they would forgive you, and if it weren’t them, you would soon meet them and spend the rest of your life with them.
I recommend this beautiful book by Beverly Flanigan, which will help you forgive yourself and feel more positive.
The larger message is that whatever happens in life happens for the best.
So, believe in your journey and do not blame yourself or have any regrets.
Move beyond the feeling of regret after the relationship sabotage, as it wasn’t your fault.
Move on, love yourself more than before, and find the partner you deserve in life.
FAQs
How does self-sabotaging a relationship harm my self-love?
Love and self-love are interrelated and interconnected. Changes in one is sure to affect the other.
So, even when you go through a breakup where it’s no fault of yours, your self-love is in the doldrums. You constantly doubt yourself and are worried about the future.
But when you self-sabotage your relationship, it’s a worse situation as you know you are the one who is at fault. So, you are unable to forgive yourself.
In the process, you impose “punishments” onto yourself, making your self-love fall drastically, taking it closer to self-hatred.
Is it normal to regret ending a relationship?
Yes. Whenever a relationship ends, it’s obvious to think if you were the reason behind it.
Learning from the relationship is a healthy and natural process so that you do not repeat the same mistake in your next relationship.
If you have ended the relationship voluntarily, it’s almost sure that you will regret it, at least for a few days. It’s fundamental human nature to do so.
It happens due to the uncertainty that grips you regarding your next relationship.
So, even if you were confident when you decided to end your relationship, it’s likely that you will regret the decision once you go ahead and actually do it.
Have I sabotaged my relationship, or is my ex gaslighting me?
If you are thinking about this, your ex might have wanted to break up with you.
It’s also possible that they did so tactfully and made it look like you wanted and did this.
To get hold of the truth, you must step away from what your ex has planted in your mind and look at the incident fresh.
You must ask yourself, ‘Did I really want this to happen?’ If you are unsure and doubt if you did it subconsciously, analyze your actions leading up to the incident.
If your actions do not add up or signal that you did not want the breakup, in all likelihood, your ex gaslighted you into believing that you sabotaged the relationship.
To be even more specific, you can also analyze your ex’s actions leading up to the breakup.
How do I forgive myself for ruining my relationship?
When you sabotage a healthy relationship that could have led to something great, it’s normal to feel devastated for sabotaging the relationship.
However, self-criticism is never the answer in relationships.
You must remind yourself that you are not perfect, and neither was your relationship.
Mistakes are bound to happen in a relationship, and it’s what makes us human.
Mistakes don’t mean your relationship is beyond repair or you can’t get a better relationship in the future.
The best way to forgive yourself after ruining a relationship is to apologize to your partner with an open and clean heart.
If they genuinely love you, they will forgive you; if they don’t, maybe you are better off without them.
After apologizing genuinely, you can move on ahead confidently and without any guilt left in your heart.
Believe that it happened for the best and that you will soon meet your soulmate who will have the strength to forgive you for your mistakes.
How to feel better after screwing up?
The best way to feel better after sabotaging a relationship is to talk to someone close to you, such as a friend or a family member.
They will help you stop feeling like a culprit.
Talking to them will make you believe that it wasn’t your fault and that maybe it was meant to happen.
It will help you clear yourself of any blame, thus making you feel much better.
Also, talking to that loved one will help you stop feeling lonely after the breakup.
How can I be sure that it was me who sabotaged my relationship?
To confirm this, you must check if your partner was at fault.
If they did something wrong, like cheating on you or lying to you, and had been a repeat offender, your actions were justified, and you didn’t sabotage the relationship.
But if it was something small and your partner apologized to you for their behavior, you may have overreacted.
In this case, you can say that you sabotaged the relationship.
You can also discuss the whole matter with a friend and ask for their unbiased opinion.
What kind of a person self-sabotages their relationship?
There are three major kinds of people who self-sabotage their relationship.
The first kind is those with a troubled childhood or past. A lack of healthy or stable relationships in the past causes them to sabotage their current relationships.
The second kind is insecure people. These people are always fearful or doubt themselves and what they deserve. They can’t help but drive good things away from their lives.
The final type is those who are constantly in search of a better relationship and partner. They may sabotage their relationships even when they are with their soulmates. They lack the art of being steady and satisfied with the right person.
What does it mean when you self-sabotage a relationship?
When you sabotage a healthy relationship, you are unhappy with your life.
In the frustration of not having what you don’t have, you sabotage what you already have. It can make your life worse.
Thus, you need to spot the reason for your unhappiness and turn it into an opportunity to raise your happiness.
To do this, you need to work on it and eliminate it forever.
It will ensure that you do not sabotage your future relationships in any possible way.
Can any good ever come out of sabotaging a relationship?
Yes. It may be surprising, but many times, sabotaging a relationship may prove to be a blessing in disguise.
There are three possible situations when this can happen.
First, when your partner was a toxic person, and you were not able to walk away from them till now.
Second, you learn an essential lesson from impulsively sabotaging your relationship. If you do, it will secure your next relationship from any such mistakes, and you will grow.
Third, if sabotaging a relationship lands you in a relationship with your soulmate, sabotaging your previous relationship is the best thing that could have happened to you.
How do I get over a relationship that I ruined?
Letting go of a healthy relationship and a good partner, especially when YOU ruined the relationship, can be tough.
The key lies in first forgiving yourself for your mistake.
Tell yourself that you are human and such things can happen.
The next step is to try to recover the lost relationship by apologizing to your ex.
If the relationship meant a lot to you, nothing should come in the way, neither your ego nor shame.
Even if your ex doesn’t forgive you, you can move on without any regrets as you gave it your best.
If the relationship doesn’t revive, it’s not your but your ex’s mistake. Maybe they didn’t deserve you in the first place.
So, you can now move on without any qualms whatsoever, with the belief in your heart that you are about to meet your soulmate.
I sabotaged my relationship and am scared of entering into a new one. What do I do?
The fear is both valid and a positive sign.
It shows that you don’t want to sabotage your next relationship.
It also means that you are ready for a positive change in yourself.
So, find out why you sabotaged your last relationship, work on it, and eliminate it.
When you feel ready to enter into a new relationship, the fear will vanish into thin air.
You will no longer fear sabotaging your new relationship, and it will thus blossom into something beautiful and precious.
Will I ever allow myself to be in a stable relationship?
If you keep seeing yourself as the problem and perceive yourself as someone sabotaging their relationship, things will get increasingly more difficult.
You don’t need to blame yourself, but spot the issue that is making you sabotage your relationships one after the other.
That reason is the actual culprit, and you need to target it and not yourself.
Spot the problem, look at it as something that is not ‘You,’ fight it, and come out as the winner.
This way, you will overcome the issue that is not allowing you to be in a stable relationship.
Will I ever be in a relationship as good as the one I sabotaged?
Relationships are not a profit & loss statements that you need to compare or keep track of.
If you keep comparing them, your current relationship might seem worse than your previous one.
And if it seems so to you, it will that way.
So, stop being anxious and start being more positive about your relationships.
Positivity grows with time, which helps you feel that your current relationship is better than your last one.
Believe in the natural rule that when God takes away something from you, it’s only because he wants to give you something better.
Also, trust your inner knower and believe you ended your previous relationship subconsciously only to get into a better one.
You will stop sabotaging your relationships and find your perfect soulmate.
I compulsively sabotage even my perfect relationships. What do I do?
Compulsiveness is the result of unattended life issues.
So, no matter how hard you try, if you don’t work out the problem causing you to sabotage your relationship, you will continue to sabotage them.
Every subsequently sabotaged relationship will give you increasingly more pain as you will know that it’s you who is responsible for the breakup.
What you need to do is get to the bottom of the issue.
For example, if you sabotage your relationships because you find it difficult to trust your partner, you should see an expert immediately.
Bringing the issue out in the open, discussing it, and working on solutions will eliminate the compulsiveness that currently ails your relationships.
Can a ruined relationship be fixed?
Yes, provided both the partners want it and are willing to discuss and work out the misunderstandings.
If you are eager, you should be brave enough to approach your ex for it.
At this point, it’s also important to remember that it won’t be your mistake if they are unwilling to do so.
So, if that is the case, don’t blame yourself for it and think you are not worthy of a second chance.
If your ex can’t forgive you and work out the differences, it may be because they are dealing with their own issues.
But if they are strong enough and want to get back with you, your ruined relationship will get a new lease of life.
It will then be a relationship better than before as both of you will be extra willing to make it work this time.
How do you know if your relationship is beyond repair?
No bump is big enough to derail a relationship forever if both the persons involved want to be together.
So, whether a relationship can be repaired or not depends on the attitude, commitment, and efforts both partners are willing to put into the relationship.
Sometimes, even a tiny issue can render the relationship obsolete, at other times, even the biggest challenges may be seen through successfully.
Thus, if you have the required attitude & commitment and are willing to put the required amount of effort into the relationship, ask the same questions to your partner.
The relationship can be repaired if they are on the same page as you. If they are not, your relationship is now beyond repair.
How do you fix a relationship after you messed up?
You must forgive yourself for your mistake to fix a relationship after messing up.
If you can’t forgive yourself, it’s a wish that will stay unfulfilled.
If you cannot forgive yourself, you cannot convince your ex to forgive you.
The second step is to improve yourself as a partner so you do not repeat that mistake.
So, do whatever it takes to achieve it.
It will give you the confidence to convince your partner to get back with you.
And the final step is to apologize to your partner.
Your relationship will recover if your apology seems genuine and your partner is strong.
Should I try to recover the relationship I sabotaged?
If it means enough to you and you love your partner, you should go for it.
Do not hold yourself back worrying about what they will say or what if they don’t forgive you.
Even if they don’t take you back, you will still be satisfied with giving it a shot.
So, if you sabotaged your relationship and want to try to recover it, do not think about what could go wrong; think about what would happen if your partner forgave you and took you back.
Because If they did, you would save a cherished bond.
So, if you really want to recover your relationship, give it everything you have and see where it can get.
I feel ashamed of myself for sabotaging my relationship. How do I approach my ex for reconciliation?
Do not let shame come in the way of repairing your sabotaged relationship. In fact, use it for that cause.
So, let your partner know that you are extremely sorry for sabotaging the relationship.
Tell them how bad you feel and promise not to repeat the mistake in the future.
Apologize to them with an open heart and ask for their forgiveness.
The bottom line is that if the relationship means so much to you, every obstacle in the way should appear as a stepping stone to you.
Do not let a loving relationship slip out of your hands for a silly reason like shame.
Will my partner take me back after I sabotaged our relationship?
They may or may not.
But that’s not in your hands. What is, is making genuine efforts towards recovering the relationship.
So, apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness.
If they forgive you, well and good.
But even if they don’t, you won’t feel bad for not even trying once.
If you do not try, the ruined relationship may haunt you for the rest of your life.
So, trying is more important here than whether or not your partner takes you back.
Will I ever stop loving my ex after having sabotaged the relationship?
When you sabotage a relationship, you can’t help but think about what could have been the future of that relationship.
You keep thinking about your ex, which ruins your current relationship too.
The solution to this issue is not to let go of your ex and the sabotaged relationship so quickly.
If you genuinely love your partner, you should give it a shot before moving on.
Maybe they love you too but are waiting for you to reach out and apologize.
So, it’s better to approach your ex rather than keep thinking about them.
If love is still in your heart, you should not ignore it; instead, you should do something about it.
How do you repair a relationship after self-sabotaging?
To repair a sabotaged relationship, you should first forgive yourself for the mistake that sabotaged the relationship.
Next, you should lower your ego, courageously approach your ex, and apologize.
You should also be ready to go through all the challenges involved.
For example, your ex may still be angry with you and may say things that you do not like.
You should be able to stay sane and not react to such words.
Next, you should show noticeable improvement in your attitude and conduct to convince your ex.
Finally, you should promise not to repeat your mistake in the future.
If you do these steps well, your relationship will stand a good chance of getting repaired.
If a sabotaged relationship recovers, will it ever be as good as it once was?
Yes, it can be. In fact, it may even get better than before.
It’s because, in case of a breakup where none of the partners wanted it, they both look at their actions and see what they could have done better.
Also, the pain of a breakup makes you a better person. So, you instantly improve in many aspects of life.
For example, you stop taking your people for granted.
And if & when the relationship recovers, both partners re-enter it as far more improved versions of themselves.
So, a sabotage/breakup is like a test for the relationship and the partners; if the relationship recovers, things get far better.
How do I prevent myself from sabotaging my relationship in the future?
The most important thing is not to let your past, fears, or insecurities affect your relationship.
Your relationship should be about what it is, nothing more and nothing less.
And secondly, if you are unhappy with your partner due to something, you should let them know.
Discontent boiling within can turn into resentment and distrust in no time.
So, let your partner know your feelings and talk it out.
Healthy, regular, and timely communication is very important in a relationship, failing which the relationship runs the risk of possible sabotage.
A clear and transparent relationship is healthy and eternal.
Am I self-sabotaging my relationship?
There are various ways in which one may self-sabotage their relationship.
You need to check your feelings and behavior for them constantly.
Here is a list of the signs you may be self-sabotaging your relationship:
- Feeling insecure all the time
- Having unreasonable expectations from your partner
- Ignoring your partner
- Being insensitive to your partner’s feelings
- Being complaining and criticising about your partner
- Not being able to manage a troubled past
- Being distrustful of your partner
- Cheating on your partner
- Lying to your partner
- Getting into ugly arguments with your partner over minor issues
- Feeling jealous
- Comparing your current relationship to your past ones
- Being scared of commitment
If you are doing any of these, you might be sabotaging your relationship.
A rule of thumb for checking if you are self-sabotaging your relationship is to pay attention to your partner’s behavior.
If you sense they are unhappy with you; you should engage with them in a meaningful conversation and find out precisely what they feel.