Self-Improvement & Love: The Knife’s Edge

A growing question today in the minds of couples is how to work on yourself while in a relationship.

Self-improvement is something that goes on till we are alive. 

But there are times when it becomes difficult to work on ourselves and keep getting better.

One of the major instances when we find it difficult to work on ourselves is when we are in a relationship.

Being in a relationship isn’t wrong or bad.

It’s just that sometimes things don’t work out in our favor in a relationship.

It’s possible that we may not get enough time to work on ourselves in a relationship as our responsibilities increase.

It may also happen that we keep feeling that we are not giving our partner enough time and attention.

Also, your partner may be too demanding which doesn’t give you the mental peace or time to focus on working on yourself.

So, what’s the way out?

How To Work On Yourself While In A Relationship

We can neither decide against improving ourselves nor can we choose not to be in a relationship forever.

We have to find a solution that is balanced, mature, and intelligent.

So, how to work on yourself while in a relationship?

There are a few things we can keep in mind and follow that will give us our path ahead.

Know That It’s Possible

The first thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to know that it’s possible.

The most important thing is to stay open to the idea that you can work on yourself while you are in a relationship.

Giving up on the idea would just make things worse.

You would unwillingly stay away from getting into a relationship which could also hamper your process of self-improvement.

But when you are willing to believe it’s possible, you would be looking for a way to make it work.

You would think about it yourself and try to come up with reasonings and logic to support it.

You would talk to your friends and look for examples that favor your beliefs.

Also, you might look it up on the internet like you are doing now.

So, the fact that you are trying to believe that it’s possible means that you know it’s possible.

Thus, you have begun your quest on the right footing.

Choose The Right Partner

The second thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to choose the right partner.

This is another very important step.

This is an important pillar on which your belief in working on yourself while in a relationship stands.

Choosing the right partner would make things easy for you.

If the partner you choose wants the same things as you, there is no worry about it.

He should at least be understanding enough to support you and your goals.

But if you choose the wrong person, he or she could make it difficult for you to work on yourself.

So, be very careful in choosing your partner.

Make sure that he or she is someone who would not stand in your way to work on yourself.

Maintain Your Individuality

The third thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to maintain your individuality.

When your relationship starts, be mindful of maintaining your individuality.

By individuality, I mean you should not be the one who stands in your way to work on yourself.

It’s possible that we voluntarily spend more time than we should with our partners and then think they are at fault or that the relationship is the problem.

To work on yourself, you must be comfortable in your own company.

Only when you are not standing in your way can you ask your partner to give you the time & space to work on yourself.

Thus, spend only a healthy amount of time with your partner and enjoy being alone.

Create Your Space & Utilise It

The fourth thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to create your space & utilize it.

When you are completely comfortable in your own company, create a space for the activities to work on yourself.

Allocate time, make plans, and stick to these plans to work on yourself.

Utilising this space you have created for working on yourself is very important.

If you aren’t able to do justice to this space, you may still get the feeling that you are not giving enough time to yourself.

It could frustrate you and thus endanger your relationship.

So, concentrate on making this created space productive & fruitful.

But do not be impatient and unrealistic about this as it won’t happen in a day or two.

Give this new arrangement some time to materialize.

If you succeed in doing this, everything will add up to give you an adequate amount of time to work on yourself.

Respect The Boundaries

The fifth thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to respect the boundaries.

Do not stretch the time you need to work on yourself.

Similarly, do not increase the time you spend with your partner.

Respecting these respective boundaries is important in maintaining the structure that is running both these things together.

Know the exact things to do under each of these heads and the precise time when you need to leave them and move on to the other one.

Doing this religiously would develop the main structure that would keep your life going smoothly and successfully.

It will help you earn and sustain working on yourself while in your relationship.

Communicate With Your Partner

The sixth thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to communicate with your partner.

Although we have assumed that you have chosen the right partner for yourself, meaningful communication remains precious for any relationship.

Whenever he or she wants to be with you beyond the mutually decided time, you need to be strong and remind them of your goals.

Tell them that you love them but you also need to do what needs to be done for your betterment.

Do this whenever it’s needed.

Regular, clear, and healthy communication is always very important in a relationship.

You cannot take a good partner for granted and believe that he will understand you unconditionally.

Even he needs to be reminded of your aspirations once in a while.

And when you do, they will understand because they truly love you.

It will help you continue working on yourself diligently even when you are in a deeply committed relationship.

Work Together With Your Partner

The seventh thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to work together with your partner.

The most ideal situation would be if you found a partner who had the same goals and interests as you.

In this scenario, you would get greater time, both to work on yourself and to be with your partner.

What you both could do is work on yourselves together.

You can also talk extensively about working and improving yourself.

This way you can spend time together and still utilize this time to improve yourself.

This is the highest compatibility one can ever have and it could just be perfect for both of you.

You can say that you both are each other’s soul mates.

But this situation may not always be possible.

So, you should also be prepared for lower-case scenarios i.e. when your partner isn’t your soulmate or perfect match.

But still, be mindful of choosing the right partner for yourself who at least understands you and your goals.

It will make your goal of working on yourself much easier.

Give Your Partner Their Space

The eighth and last thing to do to work on yourself while in a relationship is to give your partner their rightful space.

If you expect your partner to understand you and give you the space to work on yourself, you should be willing to reciprocate in the same vein.

Give them the space to do what they like to do or to fulfill their own personal or professional goals.

Understanding & support in a relationship is a two-way street that you should always remember and respect.

When you give your partner the freedom and space to do what they like, they will find happiness and let you do what you want to accomplish. 

Moreover, if you do not give them their required space, it would mean that you aren’t maintaining your individuality and boundaries that were talked about earlier.

It would mean that you are the hurdle in your way to work on yourself.

So, give your partner the space to work on themselves and you will get the opportunity to work on yourself.

Making Ends Meet 

Generally speaking, whenever we want to do something productive, it needs balance and discipline of the highest order.

Hence, working on yourself and becoming better while in a relationship demands a lot out of you.

In short, you should have the required inner strength to be alone.

Next, you should have the necessary focus & dedication to do what you want to do.

And finally, you should have the necessary temperament and the freedom within yourself to be able to accomplish what you wish for.

When you can do so, you can build a life full of possibilities for yourself and with a lot of love in it.

And when you are capable and you have a loving partner to support you, you have the best chance to inculcate the habit of self love within yourself.