Disclaimer: The information provided in this article about sadness, anxiety, stress, and loneliness is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a mental health professional or call emergency services.
Updated On: Jan 15, 2025
Comfort In Sadness Is A Self-Woven Trap
Does the question, ‘Why do I find comfort in sadness?’ bother you, too?
It’s a crucial question to consider.
Life becomes comfortable when we learn to be happy. And happiness helps us relax and feel comfortable in our skin. It is the beginning of actual growth in life.
However, this comfort and happiness may only come in life at an advanced stage. You may need to learn how to deal with life’s challenges successfully first.
One of the biggest challenges one faces in the earlier part of their life is when they start feeling comfortable with sadness.
Due to this dangerous mental state, they may keep hurting themselves in life. They may become habituated to self-sabotage, further pushing them into a deep state of sadness and despair.
Once stuck in the trap, it might not feel easy to come out of that mindset even when you badly want to.
You might not know what’s wrong with you and how to feel normal again.
Here are some of the real dangers of finding comfort in sadness.
If you are going through this, do not worry. There is still hope, it’s a common feeling, and you are not alone.
It’s not a mental disease but a phase of life that almost everyone goes through at some point.
To stop finding comfort in sadness, it’s essential to understand why you feel that way.
So, let’s find out the possible reasons behind finding comfort in sadness.
Why Do I Find Comfort In Sadness
There are three main reasons why you may find solace in sadness.
A Sad Past
The first reason behind finding comfort in sadness is a sad past.
A troubled past affects you deeply.
If your childhood was a time when you had to go through a lot of struggles and sadness, it may have left you mentally scarred.
Childhood is a time when your mind is like a blank canvas. Whatever experience you go through during childhood becomes your “normal.” You get used to that state, and it starts feeling soothing, even though it’s painful.
You may also not want to come out of that space, as it can feel uncertain, scary, and even overwhelming at times. You may feel, ‘The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.’ So, sadness becomes your comfort zone.
But growth cannot happen in comfort zones, especially when your comfort zone is sadness.
What you need to do to come out of this trap is to rid yourself of your sad past. So, you need to consciously tell yourself that your past was unfortunate, but in the current moment, you choose happiness. And then do whatever needs to be done to detach yourself from sadness.
Forgive yourself for not being able to protect yourself. Also, forgive those who were responsible for making you feel sad. Tell yourself that it wasn’t your fault and that you deserve happiness.
Happiness will become your new normal, and sadness will no longer feel comforting.
To Relieve Yourself Of Life’s Pressures
The second reason behind finding comfort in sadness is that it “takes away” all the pressure in life.
Pressure is a big challenge in anyone’s life. Everything we do brings a lot of expectations and stress with it. There are numerous responsibilities in life, and each task must be completed at the right time and to an acceptable standard of quality. So, there is constant pressure to be consistent and stay on the right track.
Additionally, failures aren’t well-received in our society. People look down upon you and constantly remind you of what you could not accomplish. This pressure can sometimes get overwhelming and make us want to drop out of the rat race.
This is when we tend to start taking refuge in sadness.
When we give up, we feel sad, but it feels better than being constantly under pressure.
What we forget is that when we opt for comfort in sadness, we also choose failure in life deliberately.
Thus, finding comfort in sadness just because it frees you of all the pressure isn’t the right strategy.
Instead of choosing to “drop out”, what you should do is find a way around all the pressure you take in life. Pressure in life is nothing but the inability to keep your mind calm and focused.
To rid yourself of pressure in life, you must stop judging yourself constantly.
When you judge yourself too much, you always feel too burdened. It feels like someone is constantly watching you, which doesn’t give you even a second to relax. So, be compassionate and kind to yourself, rather than self-critical.
The next thing you need to do is to stop listening to people and burdening yourself with their expectations. Do what soothes you and not what triggers anxiety and stress within you. It’s a short life, which is why you should focus on making yourself happy before others.
And finally, you need to find a simpler way of doing things.
Do not try too fancy things or be lured by shortcuts to becoming wealthy or successful. Do things your way and do not compromise on it for anything.
When you keep things simple, life becomes easy, and pressure vanishes from your mind.
So, stop putting undue pressure on yourself. Let yourself fulfill your responsibilities effortlessly and happily.
When happiness becomes easy for you, you will stop finding sadness comforting.
To Attract People’s Attention
The final reason for finding comfort in sadness is that it draws people’s attention and sympathy.
It’s unfortunate but true that our society subconsciously promotes sadness.
You must have noticed that people do not give you too much attention when you are happy. They may even be jealous of you and might try to sabotage your happiness.
However, it is only when we are sad that people try to understand and sympathize with us.
By doing so, they unknowingly send the wrong message to the sad person.
The message that gets sent across is that to gain people’s attention, love, and affection, we must remain sad.
So, you may choose to be sad and find comfort in that state to avoid loneliness.
What you must do is to consciously drop out of the need to be around people constantly. Stop being dependent on others emotionally, as it weakens you mentally.
You need to embrace your individuality and aloneness. You must treat them as your strengths and not as your weaknesses.
Finding comfort in sadness may attract people’s attention, but it costs you a lot. You will continue to lose your true self more and more as you become increasingly dependent on others. You must not let that happen to you, and thus, take more control of your emotions.
When you stop finding comfort in sadness, you will start loving yourself more and, hence, find true happiness in life.
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FAQs
Is it normal to get addicted to sadness?
No. Getting addicted to sadness isn’t normal; it’s dangerous. If you start finding meaning and comfort in sadness, you won’t let yourself come out of it. Even if you can’t feel happy, you should at least feel calm and at peace. Being at peace with yourself is the normal you should aim for.
Why do I find comfort in my misery?
Misery is the lowest and most accessible layer of life. Rising above it takes strength, effort, and patience. Also, there is no pressure of expectations or responsibility in sadness. When you are sad, people tend to be more sympathetic towards you, and you receive more attention and care. Thus, it may feel tempting to find comfort in misery.
Is it normal to find comfort in crying?
If you find comfort in crying for no good reason, it’s not normal. Taking solace in crying can lead to a habit of crying in every problematic situation, eventually weakening your mental resilience. However, if you cry only in the most difficult or painful situations when they become unbearable, it helps you release negative emotions healthily, making it a normal response.
Why do I smile when I'm sad?
Smiling when sad can be a way to comfort yourself in extreme sadness. It can also help you overcome negativity and mental agony, serving as a small ray of hope in difficult situations. However, smiling while sad can also be a sign that you enjoy being sad, which can be dangerous. If you fall in the latter category, you might consider consulting a mental health professional at the earliest.
Is it possible to be sad and happy at the same time?
Yes. Sadness and happiness may, in some cases, become like the two sides of the same coin, such as when you miss a loved one while achieving something big. But sadness and happiness can coexist; they do not exist in each other. So, you cannot be both happy and sad about an achievement of yours.
Am I depressed or just sad?
Sadness is a drop in the ocean of depression. If the source of your sadness doesn’t impact you too much, you are just sad. But if it hits you enormously enough, it might land you in depression. Also, too much sadness accumulated over a period of time from a single or multiple sources can lead to depression.
Can a depressed person fall in love?
When a person isn’t even capable of seeing positivity, love becomes a remote possibility. When depressed, one doesn’t feel like meeting people. Sleep is a dominant “activity” that occupies most of their time. But for a person in depression, falling in love isn’t impossible. They may fall in love if they meet someone with whom they can relate or who inspires them.
Is it better to cry or hold it in?
If you want to cry because you like crying and tend to do it at every smallest discomfort, you should hold it in. But if you don’t cry at all or do it only while going through extreme emotional stress, you should not hold your tears inside. Remember, crying will not make you weaker.
Do depressed people sleep a lot?
Most of the people with depression tend to sleep a lot. The remaining too sleep more than usual. It’s a natural way to cure depression. Depression basically happens because of a high amount of accumulated stress. When the restfulness in sleep overcomes this stress, depression gets cured. This is how I overcame my depression.
Can you feel two emotions at once?
Yes. Humans are capable of experiencing two or more emotions at once. These are called mixed feelings. But there is a downside to this. It’s okay to experience mixed feelings occasionally, but having them too often may become problematic. They can cause confusion, anxiety, stress, and mental fog.
What do mixed feelings look like?
When a person experiences mixed emotions, they may appear blank, confused, embarrassed, anxious, or even stressed. If they are experiencing multiple emotions consisting of both positive and negative feelings, they may appear relatively more relaxed. But when experiencing multiple negative emotions at once, they may appear anxious or stressed.
Why am I having mixed feelings?
When faced with a new, uncertain, or complex situation, our mind and body experience mixed feelings, and we don’t know how to react. As you put yourself in those particular situations more, your mind and body get acclimatized to them, and the mixed feelings start shaping into a single emotion, making you calmer and more relaxed.
Is mixed feelings a good thing?
Yes. Mixed feelings mean you have an active intelligence capable of analyzing a new or challenging situation before reaching a conclusion. But staying caught up in mixed emotions is unhealthy as it will confuse you and make you anxious. Thus, your goal should be to eventually develop mixed feelings into a single, conclusive emotion.
How do you cure mixed feelings?
Suppose you have both negative and positive feelings about a particular situation. If you decide to focus on the negative feelings, the mixed feelings will continue to intensify, eventually leading to mental chaos. So, always focus on your positive feelings; they will guide you toward a well-thought-out and beneficial emotion/outcome.
