Do you often wonder, “Why do I struggle to communicate with my partner?”

If yes, you aren’t alone, and it’s not impossible to turn it around.

Just so you know – the only things you need to do are acknowledge some relationship facts and work a little on yourself and your relationship.

Let me begin by asking you a fascinating question.

What was the one thing that drew you to your partner when you first met them?

Was it only their attractiveness or something more profound that you realised only when you talked with them?

Let me make this easy for you.

Even if it were your partner’s grand appearance, you would not have stayed with them if you didn’t feel that connection when you talked to them.

In short, communication landed you in a relationship with your partner.

Now, do you think the role of communication in your relationship was only to get it started?

No. The role of communication in a relationship grows with time and relationship stages. As the relationship grows, it needs not only constant but also improved communication. The secret to a great relationship is timely, clear, and meaningful or effective conversations.

According to some relationship experts, ‘communication issues’ are the most important reason why most relationships fall apart. A lack of communication can create mistrust, misunderstandings, arguments, or ugly fights, which can spiral out of control and cause a painful breakup.

It means communication in a relationship can make or break the relationship.

By fixing one simple thing, you can avoid all the guilt, suffering, and pain that come with breakups and take your beautiful relationship to the next level.

So, if a weak or non-existent communication has been threatening your relationship, it’s time to set things right!

Here are some possible reasons you may struggle to communicate with your partner.

Why Do I Struggle To Communicate With My Partner

On Your Side

Fear of vulnerability

You might not be willing to expose yourself emotionally to your partner as you fear being judged or misunderstood.

Poor Emotional Awareness

You may not know how to identify or express your feelings to your partner.

Avoidant Communication Style

You may avoid difficult conversations rather than confronting your partner with them. 

Unrealistic Communication Expectations

You may believe your partner “should know” how you are feeling without saying it.

Unhealed Past Trauma

Past relationship issues or childhood wounds may create trust issues, hence preventing you from communicating effectively.

Low Self-Esteem

You may feel that your thoughts or feelings are not important enough to share or that doing so would waste your partner’s time.

Fear of Mistake

You may fear that saying something wrong might trigger guilt in you or anger in your partner.

Difficulty Expressing Needs

You may not be used to asking for what you want clearly or directly.

From Your Partner’s End

Poor Listening Skills

Your partner may not be a keen listener, which can cause you to lose interest in communicating things that matter to you.

Defensiveness

They may be in a habit of getting angry or reacting aggressively, affecting your will to share.

Lack of Emotional Availability

Your partner may be emotionally closed or disconnected and not understand your feelings and emotions.

Controlling or Dismissive Attitude

They may not believe what you communicate to them, and even try to dominate conversations to change your opinion.

Avoiding Serious Conversations

Your partner may change the subject, joke about it, or downplay your feelings, which can make you feel disrespected and hurt.

Inconsistent Behaviour

Your partner may be unpredictable in their behavior, which can make you uncertain about when and how to tell them something.

Past Relationship Baggage

They may not be over their previous relationship, affecting their ability to communicate effectively with you.

Shared Challenges

Different Communication Styles

You may like to talk immediately about an issue, but your partner may prefer to wait to process what happened.

Difference In Upbringing

What was considered a “normal” conversation in your family may not be normal for your partner and vice versa.

Stress or Burnout

Different life pressures, such as work, family, or health, may not give you ample time or willingness to indulge in meaningful conversations.

Unclear Expectations

There may be consistent conversations without clearly understanding each other’s expectations.

Timing Issues

Conversations may happen at a time when one of you is feeling distracted, tired, or overwhelmed.

Early Stage of Relationship

Communication in a relationship takes time and effort to develop, and misunderstandings are common initially in all relationships.

Prioritisation Issues

Without realising it, you may give more time to other things like friends, movies, or traveling, instead of allotting time for some much-needed communication.

Find out your custom reason among the above possible reasons for a weakened communication in a relationship.

Remember not be biased against yourself and put all the responsibility of communicating well in your relationship on yourself.

When you know the exact reasons, you can start looking for ways to improve communication in your relationship again.

How To Start Communicating Better With Your Partner

Start With Self-Awareness

Understand what emotions you feel—anger, fear, sadness, or frustration—and find out the cause behind them. The clearer you are with yourself, the clearer you will be with your partner.

Journaling can be a great exercise to give you the answers you seek. 

Practice Calm, Honest Expression

Be open and free while talking, but be kind and compassionate. 

So, instead of saying ‘You never listen to me,’ say “I feel unheard when  sharing something important, and I need your presence.”

It will ensure you use non-blaming language, giving you more communication confidence in your relationship.

Learn To Listen Truly

Communication is a two-way street. So, allow your partner to speak their mind without interrupting or planning your response. 

Listen to understand, not to win.

When they are done, summarise what they said by saying “So what I heard is …” 

It assures them that you understood how they are feeling.

Pick The Right Time

Avoid choosing a time for conversation when you feel tired, distracted, or stressed. Pick a calm moment when both are emotionally available.

So, instead of trying to strike up a conversation before or after work, pick the evening coffee time to chat.

Establish Emotional Safety

Create an environment where you can express yourselves without fearing judgment or invalidation.

Even if you disagree with them, validate their feelings as real and meaningful.

You can say “I understand what you are feeling” instead of “I completely agree.”

Recognise and Respect Differences

Communicating differently should not be a problem. 

One of you may need instant reassurance, while the other may need time to process. Talk about it and reach a mutual understanding.

Give Up Assumptions or Unrealistic Expectations

Even if you think your partner should understand what you are feeling without you saying it, talk to them about it.

Be clear instead of assuming what you think is “obvious.”

So, instead of expecting them to hold you when you are feeling scared, ask them clearly to do so.

Address Past Baggage (Gently)

If your childhood, past relationship, or the current one still hurts, acknowledge it. Do this, not to dwell on it, but to understand your triggers and patterns.

Making this small change will release any suppressed resentment and will have a significant positive impact on your relationship communication.

If you still don’t feel completely okay, consider therapy or support groups for more profound healing.

Agree on A Communication Style That Suits Both

A regular weekly or even daily “check-in” conversation can bring communication back on track in a relationship.

So, allot a time, and even when everything is going smoothly, engage in these check-in conversations.

Every week, ask “How are we doing? Anything we need to talk about?”

Be Committed To Growth

Communication in relationships is an ongoing process. So, instead of aiming for perfection, focus on improvement. 

Don’t forget to celebrate minor improvements and be patient with setbacks.

Let your partner know you may not be a perfect couple, but you are both in it together.

Drop The Pressure, Love Yourself More

Nobody is born a good communicator of their feelings, especially in relationships. You learn it with time, effort, patience, and even some external help. 

To express your feelings better, learn to acknowledge, understand, and articulate them. It will help you express your feelings clearly and confidently to your partner.

The key is not to put too much pressure on yourself to improve communication in your relationship, which can come easily by loving yourself more.