Disclaimer: The information provided in this article about sadness, anxiety, stress, and loneliness is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a mental health professional or call emergency services.
Updated On: Jan 15, 2025
Comfort In Sadness Is A Self-Woven Trap
‘Why do I find comfort in sadness?’
Does this question bother you, too?
It’s an important question to ponder upon.
Life becomes comfortable when we learn to be happy.
And happiness makes us helps us relax and stay comfortable within ourselves.
It is the beginning of actual growth in life.
But this comfort and happiness comes in life only at an advanced stage.
You first have to learn to deal with life’s challenges successfully.
One of the biggest challenges one faces in the earlier part of life is when one finds comfort in sadness.
Due to this dangerous mental state, they keep hurting their interests in life.
You do things that push you into sadness so that you can feel comfortable.
And you cannot come out of that mindset even when you badly want to.
You don’t know what’s wrong with you and what to do to feel normal again.
But you don’t need to worry too much, as almost everyone experiences this situation at some point.
It’s not a mental disease but a phase of life that you have to learn to pass through.
It’s important to know why this phase occurs.
So, let’s find out the reasons behind finding comfort in sadness.
Why Do I Find Comfort In Sadness
There are three main reasons why you find solace in sadness.
A Sad Past
The first reason behind finding comfort in sadness is your sad past.
A troubled past affects you deeply.
If your childhood was a time when you had to go through a lot of struggles and sadness, it leaves its marks on your psychology.
Childhood is a time when your mind is like a blank canvas.
Whatever experience you go through during this time becomes your “normal.”
You get used to it, and it gives you comfort.
You do not want to come out of that space, even if it’s hurting you badly.
If you try to come out of that space, uncertainty and fear will grip you and send you back to sadness.
Thus, you feel safer in sadness than stepping out of it, which is a grey zone and might bring even bigger trouble.
Your situation resembles ‘The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.’
So, sadness becomes your comfort zone.
This is also why people say that you need to leave your comfort zone to make progress in life.
What you need to do to come out of this trap is to rid yourself of your sad past.
So, you need to consciously tell yourself that your past was sad and that you don’t want to stay attached to it.
Do what it takes to detach yourself from your sad past.
Forgive yourself for not being able to protect yourself.
Also, forgive those who were responsible for making you sad.
Tell yourself that it wasn’t your fault and that you deserve happiness.
It will help you let go of your sad past.
When you are no longer attached to your sad past, sadness will no longer be comfortable.
On the contrary, it will push you to get out of there and find satisfaction and happiness in your life.
Happiness will become your new standard, which is the way to go in life.
To Relieve Yourself Of Life’s Pressures
The second reason behind finding comfort in sadness is that it takes away all the pressure in life.
Pressure is a big challenge in anyone’s life.
Everything we do brings a lot of expectations, pressure, and stress with it.
There are too many responsibilities in life, and each task needs to be done at the right time and with a reasonable quality.
Additionally, there is constant pressure to be consistent and stay on the right track.
Also, failures aren’t received well in our society.
People look down upon you and constantly remind you of what you could not accomplish.
This pressure sometimes gets overwhelming and makes us want to drop out of the rat race.
So, we tend to take refuge in sadness.
When we give up, we feel sad, but it feels better than constantly under pressure.
So, we find comfort in our sadness as it relieves us of all the pressure and responsibilities.
But we forget that when we opt for comfort in sadness, we also choose failure in life deliberately.
Thus, finding comfort in sadness just because it frees you of all the pressure isn’t the right strategy.
Instead of “dropping out” of happiness, what you should do is find a way around all the pressure you take in life.
Pressure in life is nothing but the inability to keep your mind calm, sane, and routine.
To rid yourself of pressure in life, you must stop judging yourself constantly.
When you judge yourself too much, you always feel too burdened.
It feels like someone is constantly watching you, which doesn’t give you a second to relax.
So, stop judging yourself too much or too harshly.
The next thing you need to do is to stop listening to people and taking the load of their expectations from you.
Do what soothes you and not what triggers anxiety and stress within you.
And finally, you need to find a simple way of doing things in life.
Do not try too fancy things or be lured by shortcuts to becoming wealthy or successful fast.
Do things your way and do not compromise with it for anything.
When you keep things simple, life becomes easy, and pressures vanish from your mind and, hence, from your life.
So, stop putting undue pressure on yourself to let yourself fulfill your responsibilities effortlessly and happily.
When happiness becomes easy for you, you will stop finding sadness comfortable.
To Attract People’s Attention
The final reason behind finding comfort in sadness is that sadness gets people’s attention and sympathy.
It’s unfortunate but true that our society promotes sadness.
You must have noticed that people do not give you too much attention when you are happy.
Many people are even jealous of you and then try to sabotage your happiness.
But only when we are sad do people try to understand and sympathize with us.
Although people get attracted by the sad person to make them feel better, they send the wrong message to the tragic person.
The message that gets sent across is that to gain people’s attention, love, and affection, we need to be sad.
So, you stay sad and find comfort in it as you remain in the company of people and hence away from loneliness.
You need to consciously drop out of the need to be around people constantly.
Stop being dependent on others emotionally, as it weakens you mentally.
You need to embrace your individuality and aloneness.
You need to treat them as your strengths and not as your weaknesses.
Finding comfort in sadness may get many people around you, but it will cost you.
You will keep losing yourself more and more as you become more dependent on others.
Thus, you become emotionally mature and independent and will stop finding comfort in sadness.
When you stop finding comfort in sadness, you will start loving yourself and, hence, find true happiness in life.
FAQs
Is it normal to get addicted to sadness?
No. Getting addicted to sadness isn’t normal; it’s dangerous. If you start finding meaning and comfort in sadness, you won’t let yourself come out of it. Even if you can’t feel happy, you should at least feel calm and at peace. It’s normal to be at peace within yourself.
Why do I find comfort in my misery?
Misery is the lowest and most accessible layer of life. Rising above it takes strength, effort, and patience. Also, there is no pressure of expectations or responsibility in sadness. When you are sad, people become sympathetic towards you, and you get more attention and care. Thus, it’s tempting to find comfort in misery.
Is it normal to find comfort in crying?
If you find comfort in crying itself, it’s not usual or reasonable. Taking solace in crying makes you have a habit of crying in every problematic situation, eventually weakening you. But if you cry only in the most difficult or painful situations when they become unbearable, it helps you release the extra anxiety and agony.
Why do I smile when I'm sad?
Smiling when sad can be a way to comfort yourself in extreme sadness. It can also help you overcome negativity and mental agony, serving as a small ray of hope in difficult situations. But smiling while sad can also be because you enjoy being sad, which is dangerous.
Is it possible to be sad and happy at the same time?
Yes. Sadness and happiness may become two sides of the same coin in some instances, such as missing a loved one when achieving something big. But sadness and happiness can coexist; they do not exist in each other. So, you cannot be both happy and sad about an achievement of yours.
Am I depressed or just sad?
Sadness is a drop in the ocean of depression. If the source of your sadness doesn’t impact you too much, you are just sad. But if it hits you enormously enough, it might land you in depression. Also, too much sadness accumulated over a period of time from a single or multiple sources can cause depression.
Can a depressed person fall in love?
When a person isn’t even capable of seeing positivity, love becomes a remote possibility. When depressed, one doesn’t feel like meeting people. Sleep is a dominant “activity” that takes most of their time. But for a person in depression, falling in love isn’t impossible. They may fall in love if they meet people with whom they can relate or be inspired.
Is it better to cry or hold it in?
If you want to cry because you like crying and tend to do it at every smallest discomfort, you should hold it in. But if you don’t cry at all or do it only while going through extreme emotional stress, you should not hold your tears inside. Remember, crying will not make you weaker.
Do depressed people sleep a lot?
Most of the people with depression tend to sleep a lot. The remaining too sleep more than usual. It’s a natural way to cure depression. Depression basically happens because of a high amount of accumulated stress. When the restfulness in sleep overcomes this stress, depression gets cured. This is how I overcame my depression.
Can you feel two emotions at once?
Yes. Humans are capable of experiencing two or more emotions at once. These are called mixed feelings. But there is a downside to this. It’s okay to experience mixed feelings occasionally, but having them too often may become problematic. They can cause confusion, anxiety, stress, and mental fog.
What do mixed feelings look like?
When a person experiences mixed emotions, they may appear blank, confused, embarrassed, anxious, or even stressed. If they are experiencing multiple emotions consisting of both positive and negative feelings, they may appear relatively more relaxed. But when experiencing multiple negative emotions at once, they may appear anxious or stressed.
Why am I having mixed feelings?
When faced with a new, uncertain, or complex situation, our mind and body experience mixed feelings, and we don’t know how to react. As you put yourself in those particular situations more, your mind and body get acclimatized to them, and the mixed feelings start shaping into a single emotion, making you calmer and more precise.
Is mixed feelings a good thing?
Yes. Mixed feelings mean you have an active intelligence capable of analyzing a new or challenging situation before reaching a conclusion. But staying caught up in mixed emotions is unhealthy as it will confuse you and make you anxious. Thus, your goal should be to eventually develop mixed feelings into a single emotion.
How do you cure mixed feelings?
Suppose you have both negative and positive feelings about a particular situation. If you decide to focus on the negative feelings, the mixed feelings will keep increasing, eventually creating mental chaos. So, always focus on your positive feelings; they will guide you toward a well-thought-out and beneficial emotion/outcome.
