I Don’t Feel Special In My Relationship

Does the thought, “I don’t feel special in my relationship,” trouble you?

It’s a genuine longing in a relationship.

How we feel in our relationships shapes our feelings in various aspects of life.

If our partner makes us feel great about ourselves, we carry that confidence with us elsewhere, making a significant difference.

Thus, it would not be wrong to say that our relationship is our door to a beautiful world full of magic.

What Does Feeling “Special” Mean In Relationships?

When you say you want to feel special in your relationship, it means your relationship is already doing great.

Your partner loves you, treats you with respect, and is trustworthy.

If so, you are among the lucky few who get a great partner.

But that doesn’t mean you cannot dream bigger!

Even if your relationship is going through a lean patch, the longing to feel special isn’t unreasonable.

You can long to feel “special” by wanting your partner to care more about you, your feelings, and your needs, dreams, and wishes.

The only thing you need to be careful about is not to cross the line with this wish.

Do not enter a space where you want your relationship to be “perfect.”

Many times, when we go after perfection, it can ruin what precious we already have. 

Also, do not make the relationship about you or what you want.

By entering that territory, you risk becoming a narcissist.

Later in the article, we will see how you can better manage your wish to feel “special” in your relationship.

Right now, let’s focus on the reasons behind the need to feel special in a relationship.

Why Do We Feel The Need To Feel Special In A Relationship?

Here are a few genuine reasons.

An Inconsiderate Partner

Your partner tends to neglect your needs and is emotionally unavailable at times.

End of “The Honeymoon Phase” of The Relationship

A relationship’s “honeymoon phase” is always special but cannot last forever. When it ends, you long for more.

Love is Never Too Much

Who doesn’t want to feel loved? The more you have, the more you crave for it. 

And there is nothing wrong with it.

For Greater Relationship Security

Feeling special in a relationship is a kind of ‘emotional security.’ It assures you that your partner won’t hurt you. 

It can be seen as an extra “protective” layer of love in the relationship.

A Neglected Past

The need to feel special can also stem from the fact that you have never been treated that way by anyone, not even yourself. 

So, even when your partner loves you, you crave more. 

It’s as if you want to be compensated for the love deficit you have experienced in the past.

An Innocent Longing of The Inner Child Within You

Whether you pay attention to it or not, the inner child within you is always there. It always craves to feel special and be loved unconditionally and infinitely.

Can we feel special in a relationship? Is it possible?

Yes, it surely is, especially when your partner genuinely loves you.

You need to put in a little effort to achieve what you long for in your relationship.

Here is what to do to feel special in your relationship.

How To Feel Special In My Relationship

Love Yourself

Self-love is the mother of all love. How you treat yourself sets the tone for how others will treat you.

So, first, learn to make yourself feel special. Do things for yourself that you expect from your partner.

You can start by buying yourself flowers, giving yourself gifts, and going on solo dates to your favourite destinations.

Make Your Partner Feel Special

When you give your partner what you expect from them, they reciprocate and do it with a greater intent and meaning.

So, know what they like and surprise them with treats! Make them feel seen, heard, and valued. You can also surprise them with a kind note, an unexpected hug, or a sincere compliment.

It will also help you determine how you want your partner to treat you.

Ask Yourself: What Makes Me Feel Special?

What will make you feel special – thoughtful words, quality time, gentle affection, or something else?

Knowing your love language will help you understand what fills your emotional cup, which you can share with your partner.

Communicate Your Longing To Your Partner

Instead of feeling shy about it or hiding your longing, say it!

Tell them openly – “I would like it if you made me feel special.”

Communication in a relationship is like a genie who can fulfill any wish. The only thing you need to do is “wish” for it!

Tell Them How To Treat You

Tell them precisely what you want your partner to do.

Take ideas from your bullet (or regular) journal, how you made your partner feel special, or deeply reflect on it before letting them know. 

You can also research ideas if you want.

Remember, the more precise you are, the more special you will feel.

Be Patient & Understanding

Do not feel disappointed if your partner needs time to implement your wishes or does not do them well initially.

It’s okay if people’s ways of doing things are different from how we want them to be. It adds to the surprise element!

The important thing is that they accepted our request and are trying their best. That’s special!

With time, they will get better at it.

Appreciate Their Efforts

Your partner needs to put in a lot of effort to make you feel special.

If you motivate them, they will be in a better space to make you feel on top of the world.

Yes, you did make them feel special, but that was just a one-time thing. Feeling motivated in the moment is also necessary.

So, to keep them motivated, say simple things like “Thank you for doing that” or “I felt really loved when you said that.”

Give Feedback And What’s Lacking—Gently

It’s possible that you still feel something is missing. Communicate it gently.

Again, instead of ‘You,’ use ‘I’ statements to avoid sounding blaming or pressurizing. 

For example, say something like – “I can’t explain in words how good you made me feel; I also feel the need to ….”

Remember to show gratitude at every stage, as they are already doing a lot.

Don’t Compare or Long For Perfection

In the quest to feel special in a relationship, we often compare what we have with what others have.

Do not make this mistake!

Feeling special isn’t about what others are receiving; it’s deeply and solely about what makes you feel special.

So, only a few kind words from your partner may make you feel special. If it does, do not crave more only because your friend’s partner does more for them.

Comparisons and longing for perfection not only go against feeling “special” but might also risk what special you already have with your partner.

Believe You Feel Special in Your Relationship

Sometimes, even royal treatment may not feel “special.” But at other times, your partner’s simply being there for you emotionally might feel like royal treatment.

What’s the difference? 

It’s the belief!

When you find happiness in small things and believe your partner makes you feel special, you become special.

Believing you are already special also takes pressure of your partner and allows them to do more “special” things for you naturally.

Stay Emotionally Present And Celebrate The Unique Bond

Sometimes, we do not feel special in a relationship because we are emotionally distant from our partner.

Try to be present and listen to your partner with full attention. Laugh together, share dreams, and imagine them becoming true. 

These small things will make you feel special and on cloud 9 in your relationship.

Sometimes, just feeling close to your partner and sharing a “special” bond with them can make you feel special, too.

MAKE Your Relationship Special

Feeling special in a relationship is not a luxury but a necessity. Not everyone gets a chance to experience it. If you long for it, you should pursue it.

To feel special in your relationship, love yourself, make your partner feel special, and celebrate the special bond and every moment that you share with them.

When the relationship becomes special in all respects, you will start feeling truly special!