The Pain Of Being Anxiously Attached

Learning how to self soothe anxious attachment to someone is essential for everyone.

When a relationship starts, everything seems just fine.

Relationships are a beautiful part of one’s life.

They fill you with fulfillment, positivity, and happiness.

But many times the attachment becomes anxious.

You live in constant fear that your partner will leave you.

This doubt doesn’t let you live peacefully.

You get surrounded by negativity and keep wondering what if they left you.

You start imagining the pain & struggle you will have to go through.

There seems no end to this problem and you continue to live in hell.

You don’t know how to soothe yourself or how to put the anxious attachment to rest.

But the one certain thing is that only you can help yourself get out of your anxious attachment to your partner.

So, let’s find out how to self soothe anxious attachment.

How To Self Soothe Anxious Attachment

There are 7 ways to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment with your partner.

Learn To Forgive

The first way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to learn to forgive.

The cause behind anxious attachment or insecurity in relationships is an unfavorable history of relationships.

If you were dumped or abandoned in your past relationships, it may have resulted in you developing fear and anxious attachment in your current relationship.

But the bigger possible reason for the development of anxious attachment in a person is parental divorce or separation.

When a person was abandoned by one or both parents in their childhood, his or her future relationships exhibit anxious attachment to their partner.

When your ex or your parents abandon you, you consciously or subconsciously do not forgive them.

You still blame them and hold grudges against them in your heart.

And this ruins your current relationship.

You punish your current partner for the injustice someone else did.

By living in anxious attachment, you also make yourself go through the same hellish experience that you went through in the past.

Thus, you should forgive your past culprits so that you free yourself of your anxious attachment and stop doing injustice to your partner.

When you learn to forgive, you have taken the most important first step in learning how to self soothe anxious attachment.

Let Go Of The Past

The next way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to let go of the past.

You may forgive your past culprits but still may not be in a position to let go of your past.

You may not be able to forget the horrific experience of the incident when your ex or your parents left you.

That memory may bring you a lot of pain & agony.

But you need to let it go.

You need to replace the horrific memory with your happy memories.

So, revisit all the good memories from your past to counter the memories of you being abandoned by your loved ones.

Tell yourself that you don’t deserve to be sad and that you are worthy of moving on in life and fulfilling your dreams.

You need to realize that by dwelling on your failed relationships in the past, you are risking your present relationship and partner who may be the one for you.

So, let go of the past painful experiences in your relationships.

When you let go of the past, you will create good memories in the present which will further help you in diluting the images of your past failed relationships in your mind.

Sense Your Differentiated Individuality

The next way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to redevelop the sense of your differentiated individuality.

Sometimes we attach our identities to that of our partners in our minds.

We start seeing both of us as one.

Feeling one with your partner is good but when this feeling has no positive boundaries, it enters the negative zone.

You lose the sense of your differentiated individuality and become too attached to your partner.

Slowly, you start developing the fear of separation.

You don’t know what you would do without your partner which starts pushing you into chaos and panic.

Thus, you need you need to start seeing the truth which is your differentiated individuality and personality.

When the feeling that your partner is separate from you sinks into your mind, anxious attachment wears off naturally.

You will still love your partner but will not lose sleep over the thought of losing them.

Learn To Trust

The next way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to learn to trust.

Trust is the most important yet very fragile emotion within us. 

When our loved ones leave us, we not only stop trusting others but also forget how to trust ourselves.

It feels that it was because of us that our loved ones left us.

So, with this feeling inside us, we harbor an anxious attachment to our future relationships and keep hurting ourselves again and again.

The remedy to all this drama is the development of trust within ourselves.

We need to trust our loved ones that they will not leave us.

Trust has the power to overturn situations.

So, if you trust your partner, even if they want to leave you, they may not want to break your trust.

So, trust your partner and the ones that you love.

But even if they leave you in an exceptional case, you should not doubt or stop trusting yourself.

When you have self-trust, you may lose people, but only to get more trustworthy people in your life.

So, learn to trust yourself and your loved ones and do not let it shake under any circumstance.

Do Not Fear Being Alone

The next way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to not fear your aloneness.

Anxious attachment emanates from anxiety and the fear of being alone.

It’s the anxiety within you that keeps you shaken from the inside and transforms into an anxious attachment.

So, you need to release the anxiety and fear from your system and develop the confidence to stay alone.

To be able to do this, you need to practice inner peace.

Inner peace can be developed using deep breathing exercises, meditation, and facing your fears boldly. 

When anxiety & fear are released from your system, anxious attachment also gets remedied, and you heal from within.

So, you no longer fear your aloneness, thus freeing yourself of anxious attachment forever.

Become Self-Sufficient

The next way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to become self-sufficient and self-dependent.

One major cause of anxious attachment is the realization of your psychological, emotional, or material dependence on your partner.

So, you fear losing your partner as these needs of yours may not get fulfilled once your partner leaves you.

Thus, you need to develop the capability to fulfill all these needs within you.

Boost your thinking abilities, emotional intelligence, and financial capabilities to become more self-sufficient and hence more self-dependent.

Work on yourself and become mentally, emotionally, physically, and materially stronger.

When you are self-sufficient and self-dependent, you have taken a significant step towards learning how to self soothe anxious attachment.

Be The Dependee And Not The Depender

The last way to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment is to become the dependee and not the depender in your relationship.

When you are the more dominant depender in your relationship, you also have a higher chance of getting anxiously attached to your partner.

But when you become the more mature & responsible one and turn into the dependee, you no longer have an anxious attachment.

It’s because a dependee is stronger than the depender in every respect.

So, become so strong that your partner turns to you to fulfill their every single need.

Give your partner career and life advice, help them out in their tasks, and support them in fulfilling their dreams.

It will not only eliminate your anxious attachment but will also strengthen the roots of your relationship.

Becoming the dependee in a relationship shuts the doors on anxious attachment once and forever.

You will neither have anxiety nor will you remain too strongly attached to your partner.

When you become the dependee in your relationship, you have learned how to self soothe anxious attachment.

Become Your Real Self

It’s important to learn how to self soothe anxious attachment.

It’s because your anxious attachment to someone turns your life into a living hell.

The constant fear doesn’t let you be yourself even for a moment.

It can only be overcome by working on yourself.

So, let go of your past, learn to feel secure in the present, and build yourself up into the strongest person you know.

When you turn your anxious attachment into inner peace and self-confidence, you will regain your ability to love yourself.

And self-love will then help you live the life you truly deserve to live.

So, learn how to self soothe anxious attachment and regain your ability to love yourself as soon as possible.