Disorganised Attachment Causes Trust Issues In Children

Are you trying to find the answer to ‘How to heal disorganised attachment‘?

Let’s begin by understanding the issue.

Childhood is a delicate phase in a person’s life.

It’s like a clean slate; whatever gets written on it first stays with the child for life unless one wants to change it.

If your childhood was good, it lays a strong foundation for a happy and successful life.

But if you had a difficult childhood, you will develop problems that need your attention later in life.

One such problem is the problem of ‘Disorganised Attachment.’

When a child’s parents are ignorant, moody, or even abusive, he gets confused as to whether he can trust his parents.

Because the child doesn’t have any option, he stays with his parents, but he develops severe trust issues.

Such children may still feel attached to their parents as the parents are their primary caregivers.

However, these children do not believe that they matter to their parents or that their parents care about them.

Thus, The resultant bond is underdeveloped, and the child constantly fears for his safety.

The parents, who should have been the source of love, care, and security for the child, become a source of fear and trauma for him.

It also creates a feeling of low self-esteem or low self-worth in the child.

When the child grows up with this loneliness, trust issues, and low self-esteem, he faces problems in his relationships. 

The disorganised attachment he has developed causes one or all of the following problems in his personal life:

• He stays away from relationships.

• He subconsciously chooses a partner who would betray him.

• He constantly distrusts a good partner.

• He often breaks away from relationships.

People suffering from disorganised attachment are all over the place in their personal lives and relationships.

Because they could not trust their parents, they find it difficult to trust their partners.

They may love their partners but constantly doubt them and their intentions.

They fear their partners will betray them at some point in time.

So, they may be loving to their partners in one moment and critical of them the very next moment.

It appears as if they are looking for a reason to fight or end the relationship.

Thus, disorganised attachment is a torturous issue for the person going through it.

It’s a self-defeating issue that forces you to live a low-quality life without any fault of yours.

But fortunately, there is a way out of disorganised attachment. 

So, let’s find out how to heal disorganised attachment so you can live a normal life.

How To Heal Disorganised Attachment

You can learn how to heal disorganised attachment by following six simple steps.

Let Go Of The Traumatic Past

The first step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment is to let go of the traumatic past.

The past is where it all happened.

That’s the seed of the whole problem that you need to let go of if you are to move on in life.

It’s difficult to erase the memories of a traumatic childhood, but it’s not impossible to do so.

You must know you can do it and be determined enough to let it all go.

One of the ways to let go of the horrific memories of your childhood is to accept it as your destiny.

The past may have been your destiny, as you had no control over it then.

But if you let it repeat itself now when you can defend yourself, it will be your choice.

So, do not remain stuck in your traumatic childhood; open up and expand your view of your life.

It will help you release all the harmful and painful memories of your childhood that you need to let go.

Another thing that will help you let your traumatic childhood go is forgiving your parents.

Forgive them for not being the best parents.

Please give them the benefit of the doubt by believing that they tried their level best, but things were beyond their control.

It’s believed that God doesn’t send the best people as your family.

He sends only those people as your family with whom you have a past life score to settle.

So, consider it God’s will and forgive them for things to get better for you. 

If you are still not able to let go of the memories of your traumatic childhood, consider consulting an expert.

Trust me, opening up to an expert in the area goes a long way in relieving you of the past or childhood trauma.

When you have made peace with your traumatic past, you have completed the first step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment.

Do Not Blame Yourself For Your Traumatic Past

The second step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment is not to blame yourself for your traumatic past.

When you have forgiven your parents and let the past go, you are free of it, and it will no longer haunt you.

But the impact of that damage is still there, and you need to remove it.

The most significant impact of that damage is within you, which you need to rid yourself of.

If your parents were abusive to you, you may have learned to treat yourself the same way or trained yourself to feel that others are treating you that way.

You may also have developed self-doubt and made yourself believe that you deserved the way your parents treated you.

You may start believing you lack something or are not worthy of fair, loving, and caring treatment.

You start blaming yourself for what happened to you in your childhood.

And it’s essential to stop feeling this way about yourself because it wasn’t your fault.

You were just an innocent victim of what happened back then.

By forgiving your parents, you have ceased being the victim and made peace with the past.

So, you have a better chance to forget your past and move on in life.

But if you keep blaming yourself for what happened to you, it will amount to justifying and accepting it.

Alternatively, it will mean inviting the same horrible experience back into your life via your current relationships, even when it’s not there. 

Thus, stop carrying the burden of the blame for your traumatic childhood, as it may ruin your current relationships.

When you have done so, you have completed the next step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment.

Differentiate Your Past From The Present

The third step in discovering how to heal disorganised attachment is to differentiate your past from the present.

You need to realize that your traumatic childhood was your past, and it got over a long time ago.

There is no longer any reason to be distrustful in your current relationships.

It would help if you saw the possibility that your partner is entirely different from what your parents were to you.

Thus, it would help to stop seeing your present as an extension of that traumatic past.

You can create a new life of trust, love, care, and security.

When you draw that necessary healthy boundary between your past and your present, you end the bend towards recreating your horrific past in your current relationships. 

This differentiation significantly boosts your efforts to learn how to heal disorganised attachment.

When you start seeing your past separate from your present, you have completed the next step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment.

Give Your Relationship A Real Chance To Succeed

The next step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment is to give your relationship a real chance to succeed.

When you have separated your traumatic childhood or past from your present, you are now ready to create a better life for yourself.

You were not allowed to choose your parents, but you can certainly choose your partner.

You also have the luxury of knowing what traits you don’t want in your partner.

So, choose a partner you think is trustworthy, loving, and caring. 

Next, learn to trust them with all your heart.

Do not explicitly show your distrust, even if you find it difficult to trust them.

It may seem difficult initially, but things will get easier with time.

So, do not let your trust in them fall at any stage until you see a clear sign or a big reason to do so, like cheating. 

And finally, be fully committed to the relationship and ensure it lasts a lifetime.

Do not let your distrust make you break up with your partner, and do not force them into breaking up with you.

Staying in a profound and stable relationship reduces one’s tendency to distrust, helping one learn how to heal disorganised attachment. 

When you give your relationship a real chance to succeed, you have completed the next step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment.

Be Determined Against Sabotaging Your Relationship

The next step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment is to be determined not to sabotage your relationships at any stage.

When you have successfully been in your relationship for a long time, you have almost overcome disorganised attachment.

But childhood traumas and habits may sometimes try to get the better of you.

Sometimes, you may feel too restless or eager to show your discontent or distrust towards your partner explicitly.

It’s normal to feel this way once in a while.

Ensure you do not overdo it in the moment’s rush.

Do not over-analyze it or feel that your past is revisiting you to destroy your present.

Just look at it as an aberration or isolated incident and move on.

If necessary, talk to your partner about such incidents and make sure they know about your past.

Doing these things will ensure that momentary shadows of your complicated past cannot sabotage your present.

When you become determined to avoid sabotaging your relationship, you have completed the next step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment.

Get Healed Fully

The final step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment is to get healed fully.

When your relationship has survived all the challenges and obstacles from your past, your past will no longer threaten you.

Your past will become a source of strength for you.

It will give you the confidence to face any challenge that life may throw at you.

There won’t be any difference between your past and your present in your mind apart from the latter being more important than the former.

At this point, you will stand wholly healed of disorganised attachment.

And with this, you are done with the final step in learning how to heal disorganised attachment.

Start Living The Life You Deserve

The widespread nature of the issue has made the question ‘How to heal disorganised attachment’ common today.

It’s a tough time for any child when their parents ignore or abuse them.

It sticks into their soft consciousness and gets concretized in their minds when they grow up.

It negatively impacts their relationships, and they can’t trust their partners.

To learn how to heal disorganised attachment, one needs to make peace with their past and give themselves a real chance to create a new life.

The road may be bumpy, to begin with, but it gets easier with time and constant efforts.

When you no longer suffer from disorganised attachment, you find true love & self-love in your life and can start living the life you truly deserve.

So, learn how to heal disorganised attachment and start living the life you were born to live.