Updated On: February 1, 2025
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Communication – The Most Important Skill
Have you ever got stuck while explaining yourself?
Do you wonder, ‘How can I explain myself better’?
Communication is a vital part of one’s life.
When you can express yourself easily and precisely, you feel positive, satisfied, and self-confident.
It gives you a feeling of fulfillment as you have successfully communicated your thoughts and feelings to somebody.
It clears your mind of self-doubt and gives you the feeling of completeness.
The clear expression of your thoughts lets you create the things you want for yourself in life.
Here is a list of 15 amazing benefits of explaining yourself well.
But you stay trapped in your mind when you cannot explain yourself well.
You struggle with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, making your life miserable.
You always feel incomplete and frustrated due to the inability to express yourself well.
Thus, communication has the power to make or break your life.
It means that you should know how to explain yourself better.
To explain yourself better, you need better control over your mind and its generated thoughts.
You also have to make the right choices while talking.
Let’s explore the various steps that will help you explain yourself better.
How Can I Explain Myself Better?
So, how can you explain yourself better?
Let’s get into the details and find out how you can do it.
Understand The Origin Of Your Message
The first step to help you explain yourself better is to understand the origin of what you are going to say.
If you are going to respond to something else’s words, you need to first understand it well.
If you are the first to talk, you need to understand the objective behind your words.
It’s a foundational need when it comes to explaining yourself better.
Knowing why you are saying what you are saying gives your words a natural start, flow, and direction.
So, absorb well the origin of what you are about to say, which might be an external or an internal stimulus.
A clear sign that you have understood the origin of what you will say is that it will form a picture inside your head.
When you understand your message’s origin, you are one step closer to explaining yourself better.
Develop Absolute Clarity Of Thought
The second step in learning to explain yourself better is to be absolutely clear about what you are going to say.
When you understand the seed or the origin of what you will say, your response will start forming in your mind through your thoughts.
Remember not to interrupt, intervene, or block your thoughts during this time.
Also, do not try to force your thoughts upon these thoughts that your mind is generating naturally.
You can follow this exhaustive list of activities to gain mental clarity.
Doing the above things will help your thoughts take concrete form, giving you absolute clarity about what you want to say.
If you don’t reach this clarity of thought and keep struggling with your thoughts, you are confused about your response.
It means you must filter out all the unnecessary thoughts your mind generates to end the confusion and reach a conclusion.
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If you struggle with your thoughts, this impactful book on building thought clarity might help a great deal.
Developing an absolute clarity of thought concerning your response will go a long way in explaining yourself much better.
Do Not Overthink The Developed Message
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is not to overthink the thought you just developed.
We often have the perfect form, shape, and boundary for the things we want to say, but we ruin them by overthinking.
Overthinking leads to overdevelopment of what you are going to say, rendering it difficult or sometimes even impossible to convey.
Overthinking either makes our thoughts negative or creates a mess in our minds.
As a result, it destroys what we are going to say or explain.
Overthinking forces us to reform our response whenever we try to say something.
It makes our minds foggy and generates a great deal of stress within us.
Thus, overthinking what we have to say drastically reduces our ability to explain ourselves confidently and clearly.
So, you should not overthink the developed form of what you have to say.
You can practice giving up overthinking a thought using this helpful workbook.
It will help you explain yourself easily and far better.
Do Not Get Desperate To Let It Out
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is not to get desperate to let out the thought.
Sometimes, we are too desperate to put out an opinion or idea.
We want to let it out and be done with it quickly.
But desperation doesn’t help maintain the quality of what we want to convey.
It comes out as a very unclear and formal message that doesn’t reach the listener properly.
And till we recognize our mistake, it’s already too late.
Thus, if you want to explain yourself better, you should not get too desperate about letting out your message.
Generally, desperation is a sign of anxiety & unorganized thoughts, and the inability to harbor these thoughts calmly.
If you feel anxious, you should consider getting expert help.
It will calm you down and help you organize your thoughts naturally and effortlessly.
Thus, organizing your thoughts may help reduce this desperation and help explain yourself better.
Do Not Explain To Get Validation
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is to not explain for validation but to give information.
Many times, when we explain things to people, we talk in a way that is more inclined toward pleasing them.
We are very conscious about getting their validation.
We want them to judge us positively and compliment us.
And in this urge to please others, we compromise on the information we have to send.
Thus, if you want to explain yourself better, focus on the thought or the message you have to deliver and not on getting appreciation.
Sending across your message, which is your main objective, should not be weakened or lost in a bid to fulfill any other subordinate objective.
Keeping this in mind will improve your explanation skills a great deal.
Empty Your Mind Completely
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is emptying your mind before talking.
Explaining yourself clearly and well is an art.
While trying to convey your message, nothing else should be going on in your mind.
Your mind should be free of any tension or distractions.
It would be much better to empty your mind of the message itself.
When your mind is overly filled with the thought you want to convey, it may start coming in its own way.
Simply put, the mind’s lightness is its best state to help you explain something well.
Doing this would also help you talk with a high level of confidence.
But how will you say anything when no message is inside your mind?
You have to absorb the thought your message carries so well that you don’t need to hold it in your mind.
Try talking straight from the heart!
Thus, empty your mind before you start speaking, and you will be able to explain yourself very well.
Focus On What You Are Saying
The next step in improving your explanation is to focus on what you are saying while saying it.
People who do not speak or explain themselves well try to talk very fast.
It happens because they are under-confident and tense.
So, they want to end their misery by completing the message quickly.
They have no control over what they say, so they are nowhere near explaining themselves well.
Thus, you must speak at a speed that constantly gives you an idea of what you say.
You should be able to hear every word you utter, as it will give you complete control over your speech.
You can explain yourself better than expected when you have complete control over your speech.
Keep An Eye On What You Have To Say Next
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is to be conscious of what you say next.
Good talkers not only have control over what they are speaking.
At the back of their minds, they also have what they are going to say next.
Although it’s a game of milliseconds, one can develop it with practice.
When you do both these things together, you can qualitatively bridge what you are saying and what you will say.
There is no mismatch left between your thoughts and your speech.
It makes you a confident and fluent conveyor of your message.
Thus, you must break down your message into various small steps and practice them well.
Thus, be mindful of your next words while you explain things to people.
Know Where To Take The Message
The next step in becoming a better explainer is to determine and control the direction of your message.
While you speak, you should know your various options and the path you need to take.
Different choices of words might deliver very different messages to your listener.
Thus, you should be able to identify the course you want to take and then take the message in that direction.
It should be like sitting in a “helicopter”, getting the aerial view of your thoughts on the “ground”, and then taking the helicopter in the direction of your choice.
Only if you can take your message in the direction of your choice will you truly become a good explainer.
End It Well With A Clear Message
The last step in explaining yourself better is to end it well by giving an unambiguous, clear message.
Your explanation may fail to succeed if you cannot send an eventual loud and clear message.
People may forget your whole explanation till the time you conclude.
Thus, you should highlight it once again to ensure that the main message doesn’t get lost in the end.
Your final message should be impactful enough to make people absorb and act on it.
When your message reaches and stays with your listeners, you have explained yourself well.
Learn The Art Of Expression
Asking yourself, ‘How can I explain myself better?’ shows your hunger to improve your communication skills.
Learning to express yourself well is a must to be a better explainer.
Expressing yourself well is a complex art that needs a lot of focus, hard work, and practice.
Thus, the first task is to learn to extract your message from your mind.
And for that, you have to understand your mind and stay connected to it.
When your mind becomes your best friend, it will make you a fabulous explainer.
You would be able to deliver your messages very smoothly and effortlessly.
And these messages would effectively resonate with people.
Thus, to explain yourself better, develop better rapport with your mind.
As a bonus, being a good communicator will help your self-love reach higher levels.
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FAQs
Why do I struggle to explain myself?
The most common reason why people struggle to explain themselves is anxiety.
This anxiety may be related to a particular task you have to do; it may be general anxiety due to a problematic past, or it may be the anxiety to explain yourself clearly.
The anxiety of explaining yourself well stems from trying to give too much detail about what you want to talk about.
Due to the extra effort you put in, you can’t explain yourself satisfactorily. In trying to include “everything,” the main message gets lost.
It’s also possible that even though you have explained yourself well, you still feel you did not explain yourself well enough.
Why do I cry when I try to explain myself?
The reason behind crying when trying to explain yourself is your suppressed feelings.
These may be the feelings you didn’t share with anyone for a long time, which is very unhealthy.
So, when you decide to open up to someone now, a Tsunami of emotions floods you suddenly.
These emotions overwhelm you by outspeeding what you can vent in a given moment through words.
It creates both a desperation and a feeling of inability to explain yourself.
Also, the pain hidden in those suppressed feelings of yours is an added reason why you start crying while talking about them to someone.
Why do I feel like I don't understand myself?
There can be two reasons behind feeling like you don’t understand yourself.
First, You have never paid attention to or analyzed the source of your thoughts, choices, preferences, likes, and dislikes.
Alternatively, you have led a life in a monotonous and carefree way till now, which is good for mental health but not so much for a high quality of life.
Second, you have always lived your life under someone or looked at it from their point of view.
So, you understand that person well but not yourself.
To understand yourself, you need to develop your personal wisdom & self-belief and start living your life on your own terms.
How is understanding myself important in explaining myself better?
There are two crucial aspects to understanding yourself and explaining yourself better.
First, if you cannot understand your life and its underlying experiences, how can you explain them well to anybody?
So, to explain yourself clearly, you must first know what you want to explain. The second aspect is related to your speaking skills.
You need to understand and develop control over the various facets of your speech before you can use it well.
First and foremost, you need to have a calm mind so you don’t get entangled in your thoughts.
And a calm mind is the result of self-understanding.
Then, you need to work on and understand your speech well to explain yourself better.
You must also ensure a good camaraderie between your mind and your speech.
What can I do to understand myself better?
To understand yourself, you need to do three things.
First, you need to look at your life story till now.
It will help you know what has shaped you and where you are coming from.
Second, you must analyze essential things about yourself, like your likes, dislikes, fears, strengths, aspirations, successes, failures, etc.
Knowing these will help you understand who you really are. Please find out the reasons behind all of them.
Finally, focus on your feelings and track their sources to understand yourself better.
Doing this will help you know the source of your thoughts and actions in the present.
An extremely helpful tool that you can use to understand yourself better is journaling.
It will help in self-reflection and bring your deepest feelings and emotions to the fore.
Why do I have a low opinion of myself?
A low opinion of oneself can have three possible reasons.
First, living in an abusive environment as a child.
The abuse may be with you or somebody else, but it does impact your mental health and your ability to be positive and confident.
Second, a feeling of inferiority develops when you are not encouraged enough as a child.
So, if your parents did not instill confidence and self-belief within you when you were small, you may have developed a low opinion of yourself.
And third, failures and the inability to achieve your desired objectives can sometimes impose a low opinion of yourself upon you.
The good news is that you can overcome all these reasons by taking steps in the right direction, like expert help or counseling.
How do I start feeling better about myself?
Feeling better about oneself can be done in five time-tested steps. These are:
- Stop giving importance to people’s opinions about you, especially the ones that bring you down.
- Do not entertain negative thoughts. When they visit, do not let them win. Make it a point to add a valid, positive, and convincing argument in front of them.
- Train yourself for positivity using positive affirmations and self-talk whenever needed.
- Back positive thoughts with consistent positive actions to make positivity tangible and real for yourself.
- Be kind to others and help them whenever you can. Service to others is always a powerful tool to feel better about yourself.
Why can't I explain how I feel?
The inability to explain your feelings can be due to two reasons.
First, a lack of developed personal vocabulary.
So, your mind may generate feelings for what you are experiencing, but due to underdeveloped speaking skills, you may not find appropriate words to express them.
It’s also possible that you lack the necessary patience to convert feelings into words.
Second, certain feelings do not have words that can explain them.
When you are excessively sad, you will often be at a loss for words.
In such cases, nothing is wrong with you or your speaking skills; it’s something beyond human control.
Why do I feel like I can't speak up for myself?
There can be two reasons behind not being able to speak up for yourself.
The first is fear, and the second is shyness.
In this case, fear is that of being wrong or judged by others.
Also, you may fear that speaking up for yourself may not be received well, and there may be opposition and unnecessary arguments.
Remember, you should not get into arguments, but putting your thoughts forward in self-interest is necessary.
Shyness is an extreme fear of being judged and does not let you fully develop your personality.
You should practice ignoring people’s expectations of you and what people may think about you.
Be okay with getting things wrong sometimes, even if some laugh at you.
Speaking your mind is essential to live a peaceful, confident, and fulfilled life.
How do I get better at explaining myself?
The objective of what you want to explain is of paramount importance.
So, remember what you want out of all the communication.
Clarity of objective will help your emotions flow in that direction while you speak, giving your words a natural flow and appeal.
Be clear about what exactly you have to say and convey to people.
If you have time, practice it in front of a mirror.
Be in control of your emotions and be patient while you speak.
Do not convey too much detail or try too hard to convey your message.
Reading the listener‘s expressions is also essential so that you can clear their confusion or doubts.
How do I believe in myself?
Belief is a very important thing when you are trying to explain something to somebody.
Only if you believe in what you are saying will the other person believe it and take it seriously.
To think that you will explain something well, you must first have faith in yourself and your abilities.
You can do this by staying positive by indulging in positive self-talk.
You should also use positive affirmations like ‘I am a good communicator’ and ‘I convey my messages with clarity and precision to people.’
Next, practice what you want to explain well so that you are confident about delivering the exact message you want to convey.
When you explain yourself well to a few people, your belief in yourself and your speaking skills will strengthen.
How to build self-love?
When you feel you cannot explain yourself well, your self-love may be in danger.
The dissatisfaction can very quickly turn into self-loathing.
Thus, it’s essential to learn to build self-love within you so strong that no challenge can threaten it.
This self-love will then help you overcome any challenge with ease.
To build self-love, you must first be determined not to give up in front of the challenge.
If you cannot explain yourself well, believe that one day you will be.
Do not pay attention to external negativity or your own negative thoughts.
Stay positive using positive self-talk and affirmations, and keep practicing explaining yourself better.
During this time, to avoid frustration, do things you like doing.
Pursue a dear hobby, spend time with the people you love, do meditation & Yoga, make a self-care routine and follow it, or watch movies and shows that motivate you.
As you develop the habits of staying happy and loving yourself, you will notice that your explanation skills are improving.
Soon, the day will come when you will master explaining yourself and self-love.
Check out these self-love activities and habits if you want to learn to love yourself more.
