Updated On: Jan 9, 2025
Communication – The Most Important Skill
Have you ever got stuck while explaining yourself?
Do you sometimes think ‘How can I explain myself better’?
Communication is a very important part of one’s life.
When you can express yourself easily and precisely, it fills you up with positivity, satisfaction, and self-confidence.
It gives you a feeling of fulfillment as you have successfully communicated your thoughts and feelings to somebody.
It clears your mind of any self-doubt and gives you the feeling of completeness within yourself.
The clear expression of your thoughts lets you create the things you want for yourself in life.
But when you are not able to explain yourself well, you stay trapped in your mind.
You struggle with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions which makes your life miserable.
You always feel incomplete and frustrated due to the inability to express yourself well.
Thus, communication has the power to make or break your life.
This means that you should know how to explain yourself better.
To explain yourself better, you need to have better control over your mind and its generated thoughts.
You also have to make the right choices while talking.
Let’s explore the various steps that will help you explain yourself better.
How Can I Explain Myself Better?
So, how can you explain yourself better?
Let’s get into the details and find out how you can do it.
Understand The Origin Of Your Message
The first step to help you explain yourself better is to understand the origin of what you are going to say.
If you are going to say something in response to what somebody else has said then you need to first understand it well.
If you are the first one to talk then you need to understand the objective behind what you are going to say.
This is a foundational need when it comes to explaining yourself better.
When you know why you are saying what you are saying, it gives a natural start, flow, and direction to your words.
So, absorb well the origin of what you are about to say which might be an external or an internal stimuli.
A clear sign that you have understood the origin of what you are going to say is that it will form a picture inside your head.
When you have understood the origin of your message, you are one step closer to explaining yourself better.
Develop Absolute Clarity Of Thought
The second step in learning to explain yourself better is to have absolute clarity of thought about what you are going to say.
When you have understood the seed or the origin of what you are going to say, your response will start forming in your head by the way of your thoughts.
Remember not to interrupt, intervene, or block your thoughts during this time.
Also, do not try to force your thoughts upon these thoughts that your mind is generating naturally.
Soon, these thoughts would take a concrete form which would give you an absolute clarity of thought about what you are going to say.
If this clarity of thought isn’t reached and you keep struggling with your thoughts, it means you are confused about your possible response.
Thus, you need to filter out all the unnecessary thoughts your mind is generating to end the confusion and reach a conclusion.
When you can do this, you will build an absolute clarity of thought concerning your response.
It takes you further closer to learning to explain yourself better.
Do Not Overthink The Developed Message
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is not to overthink the thought you just developed.
Many times, we have the perfect form, shape, and boundary of the things we want to say but we ruin it by overthinking them.
Overthinking leads to overdevelopment of what you are going to say, hence rendering them unfit to say.
Overthinking either makes our thoughts negative or they create a mess in our minds.
As a result, it destroys what we are going to say or explain.
Overthinking forces us to rebuild our answer from scratch.
Thus, when we overthink what we have to say, it drastically reduces our ability to explain ourselves clearly.
So, you should not overthink the developed form of what you have to say.
It will go a long way in explaining yourself much better.
Do Not Get Desperate To Let It Out
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is not to get desperate to let out the thought.
Sometimes we are too desperate to put out what we want to say.
We just want to say it and get over with it.
But this desperation isn’t good for maintaining the quality of what we want to say.
It comes out as a very unclear and formal message that doesn’t reach the listener properly.
He is not able to understand what we just tried to explain to them.
Afterward, we recognize our mistake and start to feel disappointed and frustrated.
Thus, if you want to explain yourself better, you should not get too desperate about letting out your thoughts or message.
Generally, desperation is a sign of anxiety & unorganized thoughts, and the inability to harbor these thoughts calmly.
Thus, organizing your thoughts may help reduce this desperation and hence help in explaining yourself better.
Do Not Explain To Get Validation
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is to not explain for validation but to give information.
Many times when we are explaining things to people, we talk in a way that is more inclined towards pleasing them.
We are very conscious about getting their validation.
We want them to judge us positively and hence compliment us.
And in this urge to please others, we compromise on the information we had to send across.
Thus, if you want to explain yourself better, focus on the thought or the message you have to deliver and not on getting appreciation.
Sending across your message, which is your main objective, should not be weakened or lost in a bid to fulfill any other unplanned objective.
Keeping this in mind will improve your explanation skills.
Empty Your Mind Completely
The next step in learning to explain yourself better is to empty your mind before you start talking.
Explaining yourself clearly and well is an art.
While you are trying to convert your message, there should be nothing else going on in your mind.
Your mind should be free of any tension or distractions.
It would be much better if you could empty your mind of the message itself.
When your mind is filled with the thought you want to convey, it may sometimes come in its way.
To put it simply, the lightest mind is the best state of the mind to help you explain anything well.
Doing this would also help you talk with a high level of confidence.
But how will you say anything when there is no message inside your mind?
You have to absorb the thought your message carries so well that you don’t need to carry it in your mind.
If you have the utmost clarity of the thought that you have to send across, you will not need to carry it in your mind any further.
Thus, before you start speaking, empty your mind and you will be able to explain yourself very well.
Focus On What You Are Saying
The next step in getting better at explaining yourself is to focus on what you are saying when you are saying it.
People who do not speak or explain themselves well, speak very fast and ahead of themselves.
It happens because they are under-confident of themselves.
So, they want to somehow finish talking and get it over with.
They have no control over what they are saying, thus they are not able to explain themselves well.
Thus, you have to speak at a speed and in a way that lets you know what you are talking about.
You should be able to hear every word you utter as it will give you full control over your speech.
And when you have full control over your speech, you will be able to explain yourself better.
Keep An Eye On What Have To Say Next
The next step in learning to explain yourself in a better way is to be conscious of what you are going to say next.
Good talkers not only have control over what they are speaking.
At the back of their minds, they also have what they are going to say next.
When you become capable of doing both these things, you can bridge what you are saying and what you are going to say.
There is no lag or confusion in your thoughts or your speech.
Thus, you have to break down your message into various small steps and practice them well.
When you are getting your subsequent words and sentences while you are explaining, your speech becomes smooth, hence making you a fluent and expert explainer.
Thus, keep an eye on your next words and sentences while you explain things to people.
Know Where To Take The Message
The next step in improving your ability to explain yourself is to determine the direction you want to take your message in.
While you speak you should also know the various path options you have and the path you need to take.
Different words and different sentences would make you give different messages.
Thus, you should be able to identify the course you want to take and then be able to take the message in that direction.
This should come naturally and easily to you like you are taking an aerial view of your message and moving ahead with full vision & clarity.
Only if you can take your message or explanation in the direction of your choice, are you a good explainer.
End It Well With A Clear Message
The last step in explaining yourself better is to give a clear message to end it well.
Your explanation is nothing if you are not able to send a loud and clear message at its very end.
People may forget your whole explanation till the time you come to its conclusion.
Thus, to ensure that the main message is not lost and that it reaches the listener, you should highlight it once again at the end.
It should be clear enough to make people act on them once you are done explaining.
When your message reaches and stays with your listeners, you have explained yourself well.
Learn The Art Of Expression
Asking yourself, ‘How can I explain myself better?’ shows your hunger to improve your communication skills.
But before you can work on your explaining skills, you have to become able to express yourself better.
Expressing yourself well is a difficult art that needs a lot of focus, hard work, and a lot of practice.
Only when you can express yourself well, should you go after becoming a good explainer.
Thus, the first task is to learn to extract what is there inside your mind.
And for that, you have to understand your mind, focus on it, and work on connecting yourself to it well.
When your mind becomes your best friend, it will make you a great explainer.
You would be able to deliver your messages very smoothly and effortlessly.
And these messages would connect with people and would make them act on them.
Thus, to explain yourself better, develop better rapport with your mind.
When you are a good expresser and a brilliant explainer, your self love will also find better expression to reach higher levels.
Enhancement of any personal ability adds to your self love, and when it’s your speech, which is the most basic ability, your self love skyrockets.
FAQs
Why do I struggle to explain myself?
The most common reason why people struggle to explain themselves is anxiety.
This anxiety may be related to a particular task you have to do; it may be general anxiety due to a problematic past, or it may be the anxiety to explain yourself clearly.
The anxiety of explaining yourself well stems from trying to give too much detail about what you want to talk about.
Due to the extra effort you put in, you can’t explain yourself satisfactorily. In trying to include “everything,” the main message gets lost.
It’s also possible that even though you have explained yourself well, you still feel you did not explain yourself well enough.
Why do I cry when I try to explain myself?
The reason behind crying when trying to explain yourself is your suppressed feelings.
These may be the feelings you didn’t share with anyone for a long time, which is very unhealthy.
So, when you decide to open up to someone now, a Tsunami of emotions floods you suddenly.
These emotions overwhelm you by outspeeding what you can vent in a given moment through words.
It creates both a desperation and a feeling of inability to explain yourself.
Also, the pain hidden in those suppressed feelings of yours is an added reason why you start crying while talking about them to someone.
Why do I feel like I don't understand myself?
There can be two reasons behind feeling like you don’t understand yourself.
First, You have never paid attention to or analyzed the source of your thoughts, choices, preferences, likes, and dislikes.
Alternatively, you have led a life in a monotonous and carefree way till now, which is good for mental health but not so much for a high quality of life.
Second, you have always lived your life under someone or looked at it from their point of view.
So, you understand that person well but not yourself.
To understand yourself, you need to develop your personal wisdom & self-belief and start living your life on your own terms.
How is understanding myself important in explaining myself better?
There are two crucial aspects to understanding yourself and explaining yourself better.
First, if you cannot understand your life and its underlying experiences, how can you explain them well to anybody?
So, to explain yourself clearly, you must first know what you want to explain. The second aspect is related to your speaking skills.
You need to understand and develop control over the various facets of your speech before you can use it well.
First and foremost, you need to have a calm mind so you don’t get entangled in your thoughts.
And a calm mind is the result of self-understanding.
Then, you need to work on and understand your speech well to explain yourself better.
You must also ensure a good camaraderie between your mind and your speech.
What can I do to understand myself better?
To understand yourself, you need to do three things.
First, you need to look at your life story till now.
It will help you know what has shaped you and where you are coming from.
Second, you must analyze essential things about yourself, like your likes, dislikes, fears, strengths, aspirations, successes, failures, etc.
Knowing these will help you understand who you really are. Please find out the reasons behind all of them.
Finally, focus on your feelings and track their sources to understand yourself better.
Doing this will help you know the source of your thoughts and actions in the present.
An extremely helpful tool that you can use to understand yourself better is journaling.
It will help in self-reflection and bring your deepest feelings and emotions to the fore.
Why do I have a low opinion of myself?
A low opinion of oneself can have three possible reasons.
First, living in an abusive environment as a child.
The abuse may be with you or somebody else, but it does impact your mental health and your ability to be positive and confident.
Second, a feeling of inferiority develops when you are not encouraged enough as a child.
So, if your parents did not instill confidence and self-belief within you when you were small, you may have developed a low opinion of yourself.
And third, failures and the inability to achieve your desired objectives can sometimes impose a low opinion of yourself upon you.
The good news is that you can overcome all these reasons by taking steps in the right direction, like expert help or counseling.
How do I start feeling better about myself?
Feeling better about oneself can be done in five time-tested steps. These are:
- Stop giving importance to people’s opinions about you, especially the ones that bring you down.
- Do not entertain negative thoughts. When they visit, do not let them win. Make it a point to add a valid, positive, and convincing argument in front of them.
- Train yourself for positivity using positive affirmations and self-talk whenever needed.
- Back positive thoughts with consistent positive actions to make positivity tangible and real for yourself.
- Be kind to others and help them whenever you can. Service to others is always a powerful tool to feel better about yourself.
Why can't I explain how I feel?
The inability to explain your feelings can be due to two reasons.
First, a lack of developed personal vocabulary.
So, your mind may generate feelings for what you are experiencing, but due to underdeveloped speaking skills, you may not find appropriate words to express them.
It’s also possible that you lack the necessary patience to convert feelings into words.
Second, certain feelings do not have words that can explain them.
When you are excessively sad, you will often be at a loss for words.
In such cases, nothing is wrong with you or your speaking skills; it’s something beyond human control.
Why do I feel like I can't speak up for myself?
There can be two reasons behind not being able to speak up for yourself.
The first is fear, and the second is shyness.
In this case, fear is that of being wrong or judged by others.
Also, you may fear that speaking up for yourself may not be received well, and there may be opposition and unnecessary arguments.
Remember, you should not get into arguments, but putting your thoughts forward in self-interest is necessary.
Shyness is an extreme fear of being judged and does not let you fully develop your personality.
You should practice ignoring people’s expectations of you and what people may think about you.
Be okay with getting things wrong sometimes, even if some laugh at you.
Speaking your mind is essential to live a peaceful, confident, and fulfilled life.
How do I get better at explaining myself?
The objective of what you want to explain is of paramount importance.
So, remember what you want out of all the communication.
Clarity of objective will help your emotions flow in that direction while you speak, giving your words a natural flow and appeal.
Be clear about what exactly you have to say and convey to people.
If you have time, practice it in front of a mirror.
Be in control of your emotions and be patient while you speak.
Do not convey too much detail or try too hard to convey your message.
Reading the listener‘s expressions is also essential so that you can clear their confusion or doubts.
How do I believe in myself?
Belief is a very important thing when you are trying to explain something to somebody.
Only if you believe in what you are saying will the other person believe it and take it seriously.
To think that you will explain something well, you must first have faith in yourself and your abilities.
You can do this by staying positive by indulging in positive self-talk.
You should also use positive affirmations like ‘I am a good communicator’ and ‘I convey my messages with clarity and precision to people.’
Next, practice what you want to explain well so that you are confident about delivering the exact message you want to convey.
When you explain yourself well to a few people, your belief in yourself and your speaking skills will strengthen.
How to build self-love?
When you feel you cannot explain yourself well, your self-love may be in danger.
The dissatisfaction can very quickly turn into self-loathing.
Thus, it’s essential to learn to build self-love within you so strong that no challenge can threaten it.
This self-love will then help you overcome any challenge with ease.
To build self-love, you must first be determined not to give up in front of the challenge.
If you cannot explain yourself well, believe that one day you will be.
Do not pay attention to external negativity or your own negative thoughts.
Stay positive using positive self-talk and affirmations, and keep practicing explaining yourself better.
During this time, to avoid frustration, do things you like doing.
Pursue a dear hobby, spend time with the people you love, do meditation & Yoga, make a self-care routine and follow it, or watch movies and shows that motivate you.
As you develop the habits of staying happy and loving yourself, you will notice that your explanation skills are improving.
Soon, the day will come when you will master explaining yourself and self-love.
Check out these self-love activities and habits if you want to learn to love yourself more.
