Disclaimer: The information provided in this article about feelings of worthlessness, mental wounds, and a traumtic past is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a mental health professional or call emergency services.
Updated On: Jan 12, 2025
When Relationships Go The Wrong Way
Are you feeling worthless in a relationship, and are unsure why?
Don’t worry—it’s a familiar feeling. You are not alone, and there are proven solutions.
First, let’s try to understand relationships and their relevance.
The question we first need to reflect upon is why we enter any relationship.
We enter it because we want to feel good about ourselves. Being in a relationship helps you be something more than yourself. It makes you feel that you are not alone in loving yourself and that someone cares about you more than yourself. Your partner makes you feel special, which makes your life worthwhile and even more beautiful.
It is the ideal situation that should happen in a relationship.
But many times, the truth is different from our expectations.
The relationship you thought would make your life a living heaven may make you feel worthless.
It may drag you to a level below where you were in life before the relationship happened.
What do you do in such a situation?
If you feel worthless in a relationship, you should either find a solution or quit immediately.
You’ll need to make a quick decision, as the feeling of worthlessness in the relationship might rise within you with each passing moment.
But before you decide, you need to investigate the issue thoroughly.
You don’t want to make any uninformed or impulsive decisions that could ruin your relationship, reputation, or life.
Thus, the first step should be to find out why you feel worthless in your relationship.
The first question you must ask yourself is whether you have felt this way before.
Did the feelings of worthlessness trouble you before you entered this relationship?
Did you experience this feeling of worthlessness in a relationship in your earlier relationships, too?
Remember to be honest with yourself, as you must find a solution to this critical life issue.
If the feelings of worthlessness have troubled you before, it might not have anything to do with your partner.
Something is troubling you that you need to find and set right.
Let’s examine these potential causes of feeling worthless in a relationship and explore possible solutions.
Possible Reasons Behind Feeling Worthless In A Relationship
There are five potential reasons behind feeling worthless in a relationship.
A Neglected Childhood
A neglected childhood is the first possible reason behind feeling worthless in a relationship.
If your parents or guardians were not supportive enough and didn’t encourage you enough while you grew up, it might have sown the seeds of worthlessness within you.
How parents behave with their child matters a lot.
Their neglect or discouragement may lead to feelings of worthlessness in the child.
And when you grow up, these feelings may trick you into feeling worthless in a relationship.
If this is what has happened with you, you need to forgive your parents for not being supportive enough.
Grudges do not hurt the people against whom you hold them; they only prevent you from living your best possible life.
So, to liberate yourself and move on in life, you need to forgive your parents.
Please give them the benefit of the doubt to allow yourself and your relationship to succeed.
By forgiving your parents, you will become capable of loving, supporting, and encouraging yourself.
It will help you eliminate the feeling of worthlessness in your relationship.
A Constant Sense Of Comparison
The second possible reason behind feeling worthless in a relationship can be your habit of constantly comparing yourself with others.
The material world can be a strange place.
You may start comparing yourself with others without any intention of doing so.
You see how people look, what they can do, what they have, and how their life is, and you start comparing them to you.
If you conclude that you are better than them, you develop ego, and if you think you are worse, you develop feelings of worthlessness.
This habit of comparison may also prompt you to compare yourself with your partner, making you feel worthless.
And you mistake this feeling of worthlessness due to comparisons with feeling worthless in a relationship.
The habit of comparing yourself to others is indeed tempting.
It may be justified and even necessary sometimes to give yourself that push required to become better.
However, overdoing it may be counterproductive, especially in a relationship.
It would be helpful if you could drop this self-deprecating habit.
You must realize and appreciate your uniqueness, irrespective of your circumstances.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, the feelings of worthlessness in your relationship might fade away.
A Higher Rate Of Failures in Life
The next possible reason behind a feeling of worthlessness in a relationship can be your failures.
Life can be more challenging for some people than it is for others.
Even if they keep trying and giving their best, failures may occur more frequently than successes.
When failures outweigh your successes, feelings of worthlessness might develop within you.
And when you enter a relationship in this state, you think you feel worthless because of your partner.
You need to tell yourself that your worth doesn’t come from what you have or haven’t achieved.
Your worth is the consequence of who you are as a person and how much love is present in your life.
If you are a good person who respects others and is loved by everyone, you are not worthless, but precious.
So, never determine your worth based on your achievements or lack thereof; instead, decide based on the kind of person you are.
It will make you feel more deserving of all the good things in life.
If the above reasons don’t hold for you, your feelings of worthlessness in your relationships may point towards a deeper relationship issue.
Misunderstandings & Lack Of Communication
Feeling worthless in a relationship can also result from a misunderstanding or a lack of communication between partners.
You may mistakenly think your partner is intentionally doing things that make you feel worthless.
But they may not be doing anything on purpose, and they may not know you are feeling this way.
Their focus may be on their work or other important commitments, which might have prevented them from giving you adequate attention.
The key in this case is clear and effective communication.
Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel, ask them for their attention, and clear the air.
If your partner loves you and this was an honest mistake, they will apologize and assure you that they will be more careful in the future.
It will sort things out, and your feelings of worthlessness will no longer exist.
If it’s neither you nor misunderstandings that are making you feel worthless in the relationship, your partner might be at fault.
A Dominating, Demeaning, & Toxic Partner
The final possible reason behind feeling worthless in a relationship is that you have a dominating, demeaning, and toxic partner.
If you have a toxic partner, they may not be giving you adequate attention for no valid reason.
Inadequate attention may stem from your partner being too full of themselves or not being that serious about you.
The mistreatment may involve trivializing what you think, feel, say, do, or achieve.
Insensitivity, uncaring behavior, and a total lack of respect from a toxic partner may make you feel worthless.
Such a dominating partner, who makes you feel worthless, might be beyond repair.
So, you must consider moving out of the toxic relationship at the earliest.
But before doing so, to be sure that you are not the one to sabotage the relationship or the one who breaks away impulsively, give them another chance.
If they do not improve and the feeling of worthlessness persists, end the relationship.
Your self-worth and dignity are much more important than any relationship, especially toxic ones.
So, break away, move on, and make way for your soul mate with whom you will feel valuable and not worthless.
Immediate Action Is The Key
When you feel worthless in a relationship, it’s not a healthy situation at all.
It may start as a concern, but over time, if unchecked, it can grow into a painful mental wound.
So, you’ll need to decide on the steps to take to address the situation.
If it’s your past demons, you must fight them and fend them off.
If there’s a communication gap between you and your partner, you must plug it.
And if it’s a toxic partner who is making you feel worthless, you have to let them go.
If you are feeling worthless in a relationship, your priority must be yourself.
Remember, the relationship exists through you and not vice versa.
When you take the necessary steps and rediscover your worth, you will once again become capable of loving yourself.
And self-love will make your life more than just worth living; it will make your life great!
FAQs
What does feeling worthless in a relationship mean?
Feeling worthless in a relationship means feeling like you no longer matter to your partner. It means that your partner has become all-important, and everything in the relationship is done to suit them. They don’t care about you, your feelings, or your needs as a person or a lover. You feel empty on the inside and lonely on the outside.
Is it normal to feel worthless in a relationship?
No, feeling worthless in a relationship is a warning bell. It’s very unhealthy to feel empty when you have someone to be with, love, and support you. Feeling worthless suggests that your partner is not giving you adequate attention or value. It can leave a deep impact on you, mentally, if you continue to feel worthless in your relationship.
What is the root cause of feeling worthless?
The root cause of feeling worthless may be a troubled past, insecurities, or a toxic partner. If, as a child, you were not loved, encouraged, and supported enough by your parents, feelings of worthlessness may have developed within you. Similarly, if your partner doesn’t give you adequate attention or importance, it may lead to feelings of worthlessness in you.
What is the psychology behind feeling worthless in a relationship?
Humans need to feel wanted, cared for, and loved by those who matter to them. When their family, friends, or partner do not love and support them enough, they feel unhappy. As a result, they begin to believe that they don’t deserve love or support, which might make them feel worthless in a relationship.
What to do when your partner makes you feel worthless?
When your partner makes you feel worthless, you should talk to them about it. Tell them their actions and behavior make you feel bad about yourself. Tell them exactly what they are doing wrong and how it negatively impacts you. If they show no signs of improvement, get out of the toxic relationship, as your self-worth and mental health are non-negotiable elements of your life.
How do you stop feeling worthless in a relationship?
If your parents neglected you as a kid, see a psychologist to allow yourself to heal. If you feel worthless due to your partner, talk to them, let them know about it, and guide them towards becoming a better partner. However, if you feel worthless for no reason, try self-esteem-boosting activities like positive affirmations, such as “I am worthy” or “I feel good about myself.”
Why do I feel unworthy of being in a relationship?
Feeling unworthy of being in a relationship can be due to one or more reasons among the following:
- Your parents were divorced or didn’t have a stable relationship.
- You have a low judgment of yourself.
- You are more career-oriented than relationship-oriented.
- The relationship is too much responsibility for you and makes you feel overwhelmed.
- Your partner makes you feel unworthy.
Why am I feeling empty in my relationship?
You may feel empty in a relationship when you expect too much from your partner or when your partner is not giving you the attention you deserve. It’s also possible that it’s nobody’s fault and that you and your partner are too busy with your respective lives. You may also need to check your relationship for compatibility issues.
How do you tell your partner you are lonely?
When discussing your loneliness with your partner, express it positively. Please do not say that they are ignoring you or not giving you enough time. Tell them that you crave some romantic time with them. Find a mutually suitable time to spend quality time together. Hug them lovingly and tell them you love spending time with them.
Can you be unhappy in a relationship but still love them?
Yes. Such love is unconditional. Even when you have to go through pain and heartbreak, you still want to do things to improve your relationship with your partner. You still want to be with them and care for their happiness and health. To love somebody like this, one has to be mentally strong.
But it is unhealthy for you and thus cannot last too long. At some point, it has to come to an end, and you have to start caring for your mental health.
When does a relationship drain you?
A relationship becomes draining when it runs solely on one person’s efforts. The other person puts no effort whatsoever into making the relationship work. On the contrary, they make things harder for the other person, making it even more draining and impossible to be in the relationship. Such relationships might not have a future.
Should I leave my relationship if I'm unhappy?
Whether to leave a relationship if you are unhappy is a matter of personal wisdom and choice. If there isn’t any hope left, you should leave it. But if you think there is still hope in the relationship and your happiness might recover, you should stay. It all boils down to whether your partner is worth the wait.
How do you know if you are incompatible with your partner?
Compatibility between partners doesn’t necessarily mean you share the same interests. If you are different but complement or complete each other, you may still be perfect for each other. But if you are too different and the differences lead to repeated fights and painful moments, you might be incompatible. You have excellent compatibility if you share similar interests and support each other’s growth. However, if the similarities lead to unhealthy competition and conflict, you may be incompatible.
Am I unhappy, or is it my relationship?
Did you have a painful childhood that still haunts you? Is there a health issue you are going through that makes you sad? Are there any unfulfilled wishes and goals in your life that bother you? Are you unhappy with where you stand in life right now? If none of these reasons trouble you, the reason behind your unhappiness might be your relationship.
Why can't I leave my boyfriend even though I want to?
Perhaps you witnessed your parents struggling with each other, yet not wanting to part ways, and it has stayed with you. You may still think there is some hope left in the relationship. As a couple, you may be incompatible, but your partner is a nice person. It’s also possible that you are worried whether or not you will get a better partner.
How can I tell if I'm self-sabotaging my relationship?
You are sabotaging your relationship if you are:
- Ignoring your partner, intentionally or unintentionally.
- Complaining and criticizing them too often.
- Insensitive, and you hurt your partner’s feelings.
- Expecting impractical things from them.
- Not open for an honest conversation after a fight.
- Not giving your partner enough personal space.
- Getting into arguments & fights over every minor issue.
- Blaming your partner for your problems.
How do you end a relationship when they don't want to?
You need to put your perspective and choices above your partner’s. What your partner wants doesn’t matter if you think it’s not working for you, even after trying very hard. You need to realize that it’s for the best of both of you and make the other person understand the same thing.
If they still do not understand, ask them why you should be together and give a fitting reply against it to convince them.
How do you say goodbye to someone you love but can't be with?
Tell them, “Maybe it’s destiny,” and “Maybe it’s in the best interest of both of us.” Tell them that you had a great time, and the joyride had to end somewhere. Thank them for everything and express your gratitude, assuring them that you will always cherish the fond memories. Wish them the best of luck for their life ahead, hug them, and say your final goodbye.
