Updated On: Jan 12, 2025
The Intent To Improve As A Partner
Does the question ‘Am I the problem in my relationship’ trouble you?
Do you constantly wonder if your behavior is causing issues in your relationship?
When a relationship becomes a battleground, love pays the most significant price.
Partners keep blaming each other as the problem in the relationship, and nobody wants to show maturity or responsible behavior.
In their quest to prove themselves right, they sacrifice a beautiful bond they used to share with their partners.
But you have made yourself different and levels above such unfortunate people.
It’s because you have taken the hardest first step of showing the willingness to self-reflect.
It will go a long way in strengthening your rapport with your partner.
Thus, it would help if you credited yourself for trying to determine whether you are the problem in your relationship.
Doing this has several other positives for you, your relationship, and your life.
It will make you a better partner, improve your relationship, and help you determine with certainty if your partner is at fault.
Thus, you can talk to your partner about it, which might help you improve your relationship.
It will make your life clearer & simpler and help you be in the relationship you deserve.
So, without wasting any time, let’s find out if you really are the problem in your relationship.
Am I The Problem In My Relationship
Eleven signs give you clear indications whether you are the issue in your relationship.
If you do these things, knowingly or subconsciously, you may be the problem in your relationship.
Ignoring Your Partner
The first sign that confirms you are the problem in your relationship is – ignoring your partner and their needs.
Ignoring your partner means not giving them adequate attention when they need you.
They may be going through a tough time or expecting some help or just a hug from you.
But you may intentionally or unintentionally ignore them, making them sad or revengeful.
It reduces understanding, love, and respect for each other, worsening the relationship.
Ignoring one’s partner on purpose may be done to play mind games and win power tussles in a relationship.
If you intentionally ignore your partner, you should stop doing so immediately.
In a relationship, you still lose even if you “win” situations.
After all, eventually, it’s the relationship that suffers.
You should consider your partner a part of yourself and see their loss as your own.
Sometimes, losing situations to your partner feels better than winning a thousand battles.
It’s because you love them and want to see them always smiling.
When they smile, it fills you and your life with positivity, happiness, and love.
So, knowingly ignoring your partner is a step that goes against your well-being.
If you unintentionally ignore your partner, it’s not your fault; you should not blame yourself.
Sometimes, circumstances are such that you cannot give adequate attention to your partner.
Also, sometimes, too much may be going on in your life, causing you to ignore your partner involuntarily.
But you should be more careful about it and apologize to your partner whenever it happens.
Apologies in relationships do not make anyone small; they keep the relationship clear of misunderstandings.
It also ensures that you keep improving as a partner, raising the quality of the bond you share with your partner.
Thus, if you have been ignoring your partner, you should accept your mistake, apologize to your partner, and commit to self-improvement.
Being Insensitive
The next sign that tells you that you are the problem in your relationship is – being insensitive.
Insensitivity in a relationship means not caring about the feelings of your partner.
It means saying or doing things that might hurt your partner’s feelings.
You are not ready to change your ways even when your partner communicates the issue.
Being insensitive to your partner’s feelings makes them feel mistreated, sad, and lonely.
If you have been insensitive towards your partner’s feelings, you need to become more considerate.
Failing to do so creates a mental distance between partners, which keeps growing.
This distance reduces understanding between partners and takes the relationship to a possible end.
Insensitivity often results from carelessness or a lack of intent to improve the relationship.
People do not want to take the “pain” of going the extra mile to comfort their partners.
It shows that you are taking your partner for granted, the results of which may be disastrous for your relationship.
In the end, you realize your mistake at a point when things have gone out of your control.
Do not commit this blunder.
Giving up being insensitive and becoming more considerate in a relationship is not too hard.
It just needs you to understand your partner and their feelings and try to make them feel comforted.
If you think you do not understand your partner that well, just be willing to listen to them when they need you.
When you become aware of their feelings, be ready to do anything to make them feel better.
Even if things are out of your control, make them feel that you are there with them and that they aren’t alone in their challenges.
Hug them, tell them they will get through the issue, and you are always there for them.
Being thoughtful of your partner’s feelings will make them respect you even more.
It will increase their love for you and strengthen your emotional connection with them.
At this point, the feeling that you are the problem in your relationship will stop haunting you.
Being Insecure & Distrustful Of Your Partner
The next sign that shows you are the problem in your relationship is – being insecure or distrustful of your partner.
Being insecure in a relationship means you fear losing your partner, making you do unwarranted things.
Being distrustful is one of these things where you doubt your partner’s love and loyalty.
You constantly believe that your partner will break up with you or cheat you.
Your negative beliefs and behavior hurt your partner’s sentiments and make them feel offended.
It’s because your distrust towards them raises questions about their character.
It creates distance between you and your partner, harming your relationship with them.
It may also nudge them into becoming disloyal and cheating you.
Thus, you need to overcome your insecurity and distrust towards your partner.
Insecurity and distrust in a relationship are often signs of one’s psychological state rather than one’s partner’s behavior.
It may be the result of a traumatic past when your loved ones left you that pushed you into inner turmoil and loneliness.
If this troubles you, you must learn to make peace with your past.
You need to differentiate your present from your past and repeatedly make yourself realize this truth.
Tell yourself that what happened in the past won’t repeat itself, but only if you give your present relationship the chance it deserves.
So, protect your current relationship from your past by embracing openness, positivity, and trust.
Insecurity & distrust in relationships may also result from your self-doubt and under-confidence.
This self-doubt and under-confidence may make you believe that you don’t deserve to be in a relationship.
As a result, you may feel tempted to sabotage your relationship.
In relationships, one can overcome self-doubt only by developing self-confidence and self-belief as a partner.
Thus, you need to improve yourself as a partner and raise your reputation in your own eyes.
So, understand your partner, keep them happy, and help them fulfill their dreams.
When you start believing you are a good partner, you will no longer be insecure or distrustful of your partner.
When you have become a better partner, your partner will start loving and respecting you more.
It will further reduce your insecurities and distrustful behavior towards them.
You will no longer feel yourself to be the weak link in your relationship.
Being Controlling/Dominating
The next sign that helps you know whether you are the problem in your relationship is – being controlling or dominating.
Being controlling in a relationship means you want everything to happen according to your liking.
For example, you may decide what your partner should wear or eat.
You may also start telling them where they can and can’t go or what they can and can’t say to you.
In short, you do not give your partner freedom and space; sometimes, you even dominate them to get your way.
This controlling and dominating behavior of yours may make your partner feel confined or trapped.
They may feel their identity, individuality, and choice & preferences threatened.
It may force them to keep their distance from you and lie about things you would not like.
Being controlling or dominating might change the nature of the relationship you once shared with your partner.
A relationship that used to be one of love and respect turns into one of force and obsession.
This type of relationship can only last for a short time.
Thus, it would help if you stopped controlling and dominating your relationship.
You must open up and start valuing your partner’s choices, preferences, and decisions.
It would help if you gave their likes and dislikes the importance that you do to your own.
When you love someone, you do not force your decisions on them; you let them be themselves.
It organically strengthens your relationship with your partner, laying the foundation for a long relationship.
By letting your partner be, you will become the pillar of strength in your relationship.
Being Complaining/Argumentative
The next sign that gives you the evidence that you are the problem in your relationship is – being complaining and argumentative.
Complaining in a relationship means pointing out your partner’s shortcomings, wrong decisions, and failures.
It can benefit your partner and the relationship when done within a limit.
But if you tell what’s wrong too often and aggressively, an issue can quickly become a complaint that can eventually become an argument.
Being an aggressive complainer can take away your partner’s peace of mind.
It may reduce their self-confidence and hurt their self-pride.
Being constantly in such an environment may shatter or force them to end the relationship.
Thus, you need to keep your complaints within a healthy boundary.
Complaints germinate from negativity within one’s mind.
Thus, to tame your complaining nature, you must release negativity.
It would help if you shifted your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right.
The moment you make this shift in perspective, your complaints will turn into gratitude.
And this newfound gratitude will help you compliment your partner and their behavior.
It will go a long way in bringing you and, thus, your relationship on the right track.
You will no longer feel yourself to are the problem in your relationship.
Getting Upset And Cutting-Off Communication
The next sign that indicates that you are the problem in your relationship is – getting upset too often and strangling communication.
Disagreements and quarrels happen in every relationship.
But the real problem begins when someone gets upset and doesn’t want to come out.
They do not want to talk to the other person, which prevents them from retrieving normalcy.
Communication gap in a relationship is very unhealthy and dangerous.
A lack of communication, especially after a fight, creates distance between partners.
And this forcefully created distance creates room for more significant misunderstandings.
The line of thought you picked up from the disagreement may lead you to further negativity and discontent within yourself.
It may exaggerate your partner’s misdeeds in your mind, making you angrier.
If you do not quickly plug this lack of communication, the negativity rush may destroy the relationship forever.
You should avoid getting upset in your relationship to ensure such a situation never occurs.
Getting upset may be natural, but staying upset continuously can happen only when you have unintentionally “trained” yourself to do so.
Getting upset is childish and unexpected in a relationship between mature people who love each other.
Thus, even if you and your partner argue or fight, normalcy should be restored naturally and quickly.
You should not strangle communication even if you get upset with your partner.
Leave the door of communication open and let your partner persuade you.
Small fights strengthen the relationship by making you realize the importance of your partner.
But big and long fights weaken and threaten the relationship as communication remains strangled in them.
So, make it a point not to strangle communication in any case and you will no longer be the issue in your relationship.
Being Too Demanding
The next sign that says you are the problem in your relationship is – being too demanding.
Being demanding in a relationship means setting unreasonable expectations and wanting your partner to fulfill them.
For example, you may want your partner to be rich or give you expensive gifts as your friend’s partner does to them.
Being demanding in a relationship isn’t good for love, your partner, or the relationship itself.
It diverts your focus from love and makes you see your relationship as a means to fulfill your wishes.
Ultimately, you may not get anything as you might lose your partner.
When you are too demanding, it creates a lot of pressure and anxiety in your partner.
Initially, they may do all those things to stay with you, but it may become increasingly difficult for them to keep doing so.
Ultimately, they will have to leave you as they may be unable to fulfill your demands.
Being demanding stems from comparisons.
You see your friends’ partners bringing them expensive gifts and want the same for yourself.
You don’t realize that they lack love in their relationships, and by becoming demanding, you, too, are risking it.
The right thing to do is to always value love over money, expensive gifts, or anything else.
If you have love in your relationship, everything else might come with time.
But if love is lost, you may lose everything you ever had or wanted.
So, stop being demanding and value what your partner does for you.
It will help you prevent yourself from becoming the problem in your relationship.
Being Unreasonable
The next sign that indicates you are the problem in your relationship is – being unreasonable sometimes.
Being unreasonable in a relationship means using unfair means to have your way with your partner.
For example, you may hurt your partner’s feelings but manipulate them emotionally instead of apologizing.
It may work a few times, but it may be disastrous for the relationship when your partner realizes the truth.
Their trust in you might fall drastically, and they may feel emotionally hurt.
They may also feel offended for being manipulated emotionally.
It might take your relationship to the brink of a breakup.
Thus, to stop being unreasonable, you need to get to the bottom of the issue.
Being unreasonable or using unfair means to have your way with your partner is generally done to maintain superiority.
People feel that portraying themselves as perfect can give them an upper hand in a relationship.
You must understand that covering up any truth is never healthy for a relationship.
It may give you some short-term benefits, but in the long run, it threatens the relationship.
Thus, it is wise to always be transparent in your relationship and accept your mistakes with full responsibility.
It makes you trustworthy for your partner and sets an example they can follow.
And when they reciprocate your honesty with theirs, your relationship with them strengthens and deepens.
This will help you be the solution and not the problem in your relationship.
Being Disrespectful Towards Your Partner
The next sign that makes you the problem in your relationship is – being disrespectful towards your partner.
Being disrespectful to your partner can happen in many ways.
If you make fun of your partner in front of others for how they look or what they say, you are disrespecting them.
If you do not support them and reject their ideas as ‘foolish,’ you disrespect your partner.
Also, if you belittle their achievements or make fun of them if they don’t have any significant achievements, you disrespect them.
You need to find a way to be respectful to your partner.
Respect is the most essential thing in a relationship.
It’s possible that your partner first chose you only because you were respectful to them.
But things start going wrong when you see them as someone who can be made fun of.
Pulling a leg sometimes is okay, but knowing when and with what frequency is also crucial.
Remember that you may lose your partner forever for being disrespectful to them.
To learn how to behave sensibly and respectfully with your partner, start by apologizing for being disrespectful to them in the past.
Then, stop doing things that are disrespectful from your viewpoint.
Gradually, you will be able to see things that your partner considers to be disrespectful to them.
And when you do, stop doing those things too.
The best thing would be to show great respect towards them and show pride in having them as your partner.
It will fill them with positivity and gratitude, and they will reciprocate with the same level of respect and appreciation for you.
Giving the due respect to your partner will make your relationship with them flourish.
It will help you stop being the problem in your relationship.
Cheating Your Partner
The next sign indicating that you are the problem in your relationship is – cheating on your partner.
The word ‘cheating’ in relationships is used explicitly for ‘physical disloyalty.’
But it’s a term that is much broader and deeper than just that.
It’s also cheating if you have hidden a part of your personality from your partner that you think they will not like.
For example, you may be a smoker, but your partner may not like people who smoke, so you lie about it to them.
Similarly, lying to your partner about something else you think may backfire also comes under cheating.
When you are in a relationship with someone but you cheat them, physically or mentally, it’s as good as cheating yourself.
It’s because when you cheat on your partner, you can never really get close to that person’s heart.
Even if you do, only your fake version manages to do so.
And anyway, when your partner comes to know about the truth, they will dump you.
Thus, you need to be faithful to your partner.
Cheating is not only disloyalty or lying; it’s playing with someone’s love, emotions, and life.
So, cheating is unacceptable in relationships.
You should be strong enough to accept and present your true self before your partner.
It would help if you were your true self in front of them.
If they genuinely love you, they will accept you as you are.
And even if they don’t, you can look for your soulmate.
So, if you cheat your partner in any way, stop doing so, as it corrupts you and your relationship with them.
Be faithful to your partner and you will never be the problem in your relationship.
Constantly Threatening With A Breakup
The next sign that tells you are the problem in your relationship is – constantly threatening your partner with a breakup.
Some people constantly threaten their partners with a breakup for every small thing.
They get offended very quickly and are ready to dump their partners.
They think they can get anyone at will, but it’s more difficult for their partners.
If you are one of these people, it might be why you feel you are the problem in your relationship.
Getting upset at every small thing and threatening a breakup keeps the relationship unstable.
Also, your partner may be unable to remain calm in front of you when they are constantly under pressure and fire.
Such circumstances keep the relationship from growing and can fall apart anytime.
Constant threats of a break up in a relationship are a sign of false pride and ego.
This ego needs to be tamed if you are to strengthen your relationship.
Practice gratitude in your relationship to let your ego settle at a healthy level.
Next, you need to be ready to face the inherent challenges that a relationship brings.
Thus, it would help if you stopped threatening your partner with a breakup for every small thing.
You should find ways to convince yourself to stay in the relationship despite its challenges and struggles.
In summary, you need mental strength, resolve, and the determination to not give up on your relationship.
It will ensure that you are no longer the problem in your relationship.
Make Your Relationship Flourish
Asking yourself, ‘Am I the problem in my relationship?’ can make things much more manageable.
It will help you work on yourself and become a much better partner.
It will help you single-handedly take your relationship to the next level.
You can put the ball in your partner’s court by becoming a better partner and improving the relationship.
Now, their responsibility is to improve themselves and improve the relationship further.
They won’t be able to blame you if anything goes wrong in your relationship.
And you can now assertively ask them to tighten their weak points.
You can also help them become better partners by leading by example.
In short, asking yourself if you are the problem in your relationship can help you transform it.
When love flourishes in your life, it will refuel your self-love, dramatically raising your life’s quality.
FAQs
Why do I feel I'm always doing something wrong in my relationship?
Nobody can always be wrong. You feel you are always doing something wrong in your relationship because you have low self-confidence when it comes to relationships. It may be because you have never been in a long-term relationship. It’s also possible that your partner is gaslighting you into believing this.
What am I doing wrong in my relationship?
If you trust your partner, the best way is to communicate this feeling to him. Ask him where you are lacking and what you can do better. You can also talk to a close, experienced, and wise friend and tell them your concerns to get some advice. The most common mistakes in a relationship are not giving enough time to your partner and saying hurtful things.
My boyfriend always makes me feel like I am in the wrong. What do I do?
If your boyfriend ALWAYS makes you feel wrong, he is either gaslighting you when he is the actual problem or being insensitive to your feelings due to stress or a bad past experience. Talk to them about it and explain how their words hurt you. Give them some time to change. If the situation doesn’t improve, you should consider leaving the toxic relationship.
Why do I feel like I am not in a relationship when I am?
Maybe you didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. It’s also possible that you do not like your partner anymore or have lost interest in them. Another reason can be that you take the relationship too casually when you should not. If your partner is behind this feeling of yours, the same reasons may be valid for them.
How do you know if you're not right for someone?
You are not right for someone if you enter the relationship for the wrong reasons like to make the other person happy. Also, if you do not care for their feelings and find it increasingly challenging to keep them happy, you are not meant for them. The most significant sign is the level and quality of understanding and compatibility between you and your partner.
Do I love my boyfriend, or am I just comfortable?
If you like their company or conversing with them, you may be looking for a sense of safety and companionship from them. However, when you are with them, you can’t take your eyes off them, can’t stop touching, hugging, or kissing them, or can’t stop doing fun activities with them—you are in love with your boyfriend.
How to tell if your partner is losing interest in you?
Some signs of your partner losing interest in you are:
- They spend less time with you.
- They have stopped or reduced laughing at your silly jokes.
- They do not hug or kiss that often.
- They do not share their feelings and talk about their day as much.
- They answer you in the shortest possible ways, like – “Yeah,” “Nah,” “Fine,” “Alright,” etc.
Am I falling out of my relationship?
Suppose you have started trying to avoid them, don’t feel like talking to them as much as you used to, do not look up to them for support or love, and are becoming indifferent to their presence, words, and actions. In that case, you are, in all likelihood, falling out of your relationship.
Why do I feel like breaking up with my boyfriend for no reason?
Feeling like breaking up with your boyfriend for no reason may be because there is no spark between you and your boyfriend, you need to stay single for some time to be in your own company, or you want to focus on something more important right now, like, your career or your personal development goals.
When to leave a relationship?
You should leave a relationship instantly if it benefits neither you nor your partner. You should not waste more time in the relationship if there are fights and compatibility issues. Also, if you think your partner is toxic and beyond repair, you should leave the relationship immediately.
If you are the problem and think you can change, you should stay.
Am I the problem in my life?
If you are mentally weak, rigid, and unwilling to adapt to uncertainty and change, you might be the problem in your life. But it’s not a hopeless situation. You must open your mind, give up rigid ways, and take small steps toward self-improvement. With patience, the problem can improve drastically.
