The Need To Be Joyful in Your Own Company

Do you feel heartbroken when your boyfriend leaves?

Does the thought “Why do I feel empty when I’m not with my boyfriend?” bother you?

If it does, there may be a deeper reason besides just love.

Emptiness as a feeling means a lack of purpose in one’s life. There is no excitement or anything to look forward to.

Feeling empty when not with your boyfriend means he is the only “shining star” in your life. He is the one who brings you to life and makes you feel that life is beautiful.

When alone, if thinking about him makes you happy, or when he enters the room and your excitement suddenly knows no bounds, it’s a sign that you feel empty without him.

It may be true love, but it may also be something to be concerned about. It may tell you that, as a person, you lack something inside, something that can make you feel good about yourself and complete within yourself.

A glass is still a glass even if there is no water in it. Yes, it becomes even more meaningful when water is poured into it, but even without water, it’s a perfectly good, complete product in itself.

Thus, even when your boyfriend is not with you, you should feel at peace, if not ecstatic. But feeling empty definitely needs work.

Feeling empty in the absence of your boyfriend can leave you feeling underconfident and miserable. It might even make you think you are not good enough for your boyfriend or that you don’t deserve him. Eventually, these insecurities might push him away.

Thus, what you need is to learn to feel happy and content in your boyfriend’s absence.

In this blog, I will give you three primary reasons why you might feel empty without your boyfriend. We will go through each reason in detail, along with a practical solution for it.

By the end of the blog, you will feel much better about yourself and have a clear path to feeling complete in your relationship.

Let’s begin!

Why Do I Feel Empty When I’m Not With My Boyfriend

You Are Lonely

If you feel empty when not with your boyfriend, it may mean you feel lonely in life.

Loneliness is the feeling that says – “I don’t have anybody”, or “I am all alone.”

It may make you feel miserable when alone, but even when surrounded by people, you may still not feel complete.

So, when your boyfriend isn’t around, you might feel, “Maybe he is avoiding me,” but even when he is with you, you may still feel, “What if he leaves me?”

When you feel lonely, life feels harder. You overthink every step in life and feel tired after each one. You might feel drained all the time, which eventually makes you feel empty inside.

Loneliness might be a sign of low self-esteem. It tricks you into thinking that you are not good enough and that no one wants to be with you. Both these feelings might make you isolate yourself from the world.

It may also be a result of a lack of emotional support from parents during childhood or an emotionally unavailable partner in past relationships. Such experiences create a void within us that may feel hard to fill.

To stop feeling lonely, you must address the issues from the past instead of just trying to spend more time with your boyfriend. 

You must identify the possible reasons for your feelings of loneliness, forgive those responsible, and let go of the feeling.

Countering loneliness may also need therapy and expert guidance.

Feeling complete and comfortable under your own skin is a journey in itself that requires effort, positivity, and patience.

The biggest challenge in dealing with loneliness is that you have to fight it all alone. No one can help you even if they really want to. It may also take some time before you heal completely.

But there is a silver lining—when you overcome loneliness, it’s for life, and you become a much stronger version of yourself, patient, confident, and emotionally self-reliant.

What you need to do is to learn to use your aloneness as a strength. Spend time with yourself, understand yourself, and turn it into a quality, enjoyable ‘me-time.’

You may not completely stop feeling lonely, but it will no longer bother you; it will only motivate you to become better and stronger continuously.

Loneliness can be scary. It may seem you are alone, but when you decide to fight it, you get the understanding and support of your loved ones. You may even be respected for taking the brave step. 

Remember: It’s never too late to start fighting loneliness and eventually beat it.

You Haven’t Found Yourself Yet

If you feel empty when your boyfriend is not around, it’s possible that you haven’t yet found yourself.

Finding yourself means discovering your true self—understanding who you are, why you are the way you are, what you like and dislike, your strengths and weaknesses, and your aspirations and life goals.

When you haven’t found yourself, you tend to attach your identity to the person closest to you and try to live through them. This is why you might feel empty when your boyfriend isn’t around.

Being your authentic self gives you a constant sense of inner calm, self-confidence, and positivity towards the future. 

It makes you feel fulfilled (and not empty) within yourself, without needing to feel that way through external sources, like your boyfriend. On the contrary, you would give him hope, positivity, and belief rather than expecting it from him.

When you are yourself, you will feel content and might always wear a light smile. You feel blessed!

Finding yourself requires a conscious choice. It involves a lot of effort, persistence, and the willingness to take that journey towards their true self. 

But ignorance, worldly distractions, and life’s constant pressure and overwhelm might prevent one from taking that journey.

Finding yourself requires two things: Self-reflection and experimentation. 

Self-reflection gives you a theoretical idea of who you may be, while experimentation with that idea may either lead to accepting a particular trait as a part of yourself or rejecting it and moving to the next in line experiment. 

Both self-reflection and experimentation bring you closer, eventually helping you find your true self.

You can reflect on yourself through journaling. Ask yourself questions and try to answer them honestly. A good prompt to begin with is: “Who Am I?” 

To experiment, deliberately put yourself in different situations and see how you react. It will help you understand your behavioural traits in practical life. For example, what is it like in a pressure situation (like on a stage) as compared to a fun environment (like with friends)?

The biggest challenge one might face in their self-discovery journey is overcoming fear. 

Trying to achieve your true self with your current self, which may be a pale shadow of it, can be hard. Additionally, the underlying changes that would take place in you and the time it might take to achieve your true self may scare you, too.

The scariest question that you might have to face is – “What if I fail to achieve my true self and am left stranded?”

But moving towards your true self is any day better than being your current self, trust me!

Even if you could not achieve your true self, you will still become a better version of yourself. This means you have nothing to lose but everything to gain, including not feeling empty in the absence of your boyfriend.

Not being yourself can not only feel empty but also torturous. It means you are living a life that you were not meant to live. It’s like living someone else’s life, which might feel meaningless.

Thus, you must embark on a journey to find your true self and start feeling complete both with and without your boyfriend.

You Don’t Have a Hobby, Friends, or a Passion

If you feel empty when your boyfriend isn’t with you, it shows a lack of hobbies, friends, or passion in your life.

Having a hobby means finding things you love doing, such as reading, painting, travelling, or gardening.

Having friends means having people with whom you can spend quality time and share the ups and downs of your life.

Having a passion means the career that excites you to your core, and you have big dreams of achieving amazing things in that field.

Hobbies, friends, and passion keep you engaged, so you never feel bored or empty. They fill your time meaningfully, teach you to live a rich life, and guide you in the right direction.

When you lack these “support systems,” you may become too emotionally dependent on one or two things in life, in your case, your boyfriend.

When you have a hobby, friends, or a passion, you not only stay busy but are also deeply involved and committed. You wish you had more time and more energy to pursue them. Life feels easy, and you tear through challenges effortlessly. You genuinely feel thrilled!

Everybody has a hobby, it’s just that we disconnect from them under life’s pressures and mental stress. As a child, you must have enjoyed many things, like stamp collecting, watching movies, or reading comics. You need to reignite that excitement within yourself.

Similarly, you must have had friends in the past but got distant or stopped making new ones. It’s time to get in touch with your old friends, start talking to strangers, and find new, interesting people with similar interests as you. 

Like hobbies, everybody has a passion too. In fact, it’s your favourite hobby that might be your passion. Today, in the age of digital revolution and social media, it’s the best time to make a hobby your passion and make a living out of it. 

Not having any hobbies, friends, or passions is bound to make you feel empty and miserable. But the good news is that you can rekindle all of them whenever you want. What you need is to start looking beyond your relationship and find new sources of excitement and meaning.

Take The Emptiness Positively

It’s natural to love your boyfriend so much that you miss him when he is not with you. But feeling empty without him isn’t healthy.

It will not only make you feel sad and lonely but also put undue pressure on your boyfriend to make you happy.

In a nutshell, it’s not a sustainable situation for either you or your relationship.

Thus, you need to start feeling whole within yourself again. It may sound difficult, but taking the ‘emptiness’ positively would help immensely. Instead of feeling miserable in your boyfriend’s absence, please see it as time for yourself. 

Prepare yourself for a journey to discover your true self. Reignite old hobbies, friendships, and passions. Doing these simple things will fill your life with vibrant colors and help your self-confidence grow. 

The beginning might feel a little scary, but it will get easier as time goes on. A day will come when you will start enjoying your time alone. 

Remember: The emptiness you feel doesn’t say, “You can’t be happy alone,” it says, “You need to spend some quality time with yourself!”