Feeling Hurt In A Relationship Is More Painful Than It Appears
Do you feel your boyfriend hurt you and doesn’t feel sorry?
Are you looking for signs he is not sorry for hurting you?
Feeling hurt is more common in a relationship than you may think. And luckily, it doesn’t require drastic measures.
Some simple yet powerful steps can set things right. It begins with looking for the signs your boyfriend isn’t sorry about hurting you.
When your partner ‘hurts’ you, it means they caused you pain in some way.
‘Hurting’ in a relationship can be emotional or physical.
Your boyfriend may say something insensitive that may hurt your feelings, for example, belittling your relationship needs like ‘honesty.’ It’s emotional hurt.
But they may also have a habit of hurtfully grabbing your arm while in an argument. This is physical hurt!
Let me make it very clear—emotional hurt has some room for giving the benefit of doubt, but ‘physical tackling’ is unacceptable in any relationship.
If your boyfriend hurts you physically, without much thinking, you must give an immediate, firm warning to him. If he repeats something similar, you need to get out of the relationship at the earliest.
In this blog, we will discuss emotional hurt specifically.
Emotional hurt may be intentional or unintentional. Sometimes your boyfriend may not even know that they hurt you emotionally.
Unintentional hurt from your boyfriend may be caused by a lack of knowledge about what may hurt you. It’s common in the initial phase of relationships.
Unintentional hurt may also be the result of work or life stress, which your boyfriend may not be handling too well. Thus, he may need urgent help.
The causes of intentional hurting are more like that of a “well-planned ambush.” They are done with an intention of ‘revenge’ or ‘domination.’
When a relationship is experiencing intentional hurting, it might change into a toxic relationship very fast.
Whatever the cause of emotional hurt, it gives you immense inner pain!
You never expect your boyfriend to hurt you, which is why it might hurt even more. And when he doesn’t apologise when you are ready to forgive him, it feels as if he doesn’t care about your feelings. It might make you feel unimportant, disrespected, and lonely in the relationship.
In extreme cases, it may even make you feel unworthy of love, respect, and understanding.
Underestimating emotional hurt can have severe consequences. It may lead to your boyfriend’s insensitivity becoming more frequent and intense, to the point where you might start feeling suffocated. It may take the relationship to the brink.
Thus, you must not ignore emotional hurt in your relationship and take urgent, helpful steps.
This blog will help you turn emotional hurt into intimacy in your relationship.
First, we will look at the clear signs your boyfriend is not sorry for hurting you. We will discuss each sign in detail so that you understand them well. We will also see what you can do when you notice these signs in your boyfriend.
Thus, you will spot the signs, understand the background, and know how to manage each one of them.
Let’s begin.
Signs He Is Not Sorry For Hurting You
He Shows No Guilt
When you see no guilt on your boyfriend’s face after hurting you, it’s a sign he is not sorry.
Guilt is a natural emotion when you hurt your partner. It’s a feeling that says, “What have I done!” Or “How am I going to forgive myself?”
If your boyfriend feels guilty for hurting you, it will show in his facial expressions or body language.
He may appear extremely sad, indicating he’s hurting inside. Or you may see him ‘Hands on head,’ showing he is shocked at his behaviour.
But if you don’t see such behaviour or he doesn’t apologise to you, he may not be feeling guilty for hurting you.
Guilt is a natural emotion when you hurt your partner by mistake. It stems from the fact that you hurt someone you were supposed to love and comfort the most!
You keep thinking about how your partner must have felt when you hurt them and whether they will be able to overcome the incident or forgive you.
But why doesn’t your boyfriend feel guilty for hurting you?
It may be because he doesn’t even know he hurt you, or maybe he is scared to admit that he hurt you, or he is insensitive yet overconfident by nature and doesn’t even think he can hurt you.
But the reason may also be on the dark side. What if your boyfriend considers emotional hurt quite normal or even his rightful behaviour over you? It means he is taking you for granted in the relationship.
I hope this isn’t the case, but if it is, you might be in a toxic relationship that you should get out of soon.
If your boyfriend doesn’t feel guilty about hurting you, you must tell him that he hurt your feelings. The goal is not to make him feel guilty but to make him stop hurting you.
But remember, you can only let him know, and then expect him to realise his mistake, apologise, and change for the better.
If he doesn’t, you might be better off without him, as the situation might worsen going forward. Thus, you must start thinking about walking away before you get deeply emotionally involved with your insensitive boyfriend.
When you talk to him about it, he may try to avoid it or start getting defensive.
Thus, try not to sound complaining or pressuring. Use a casual tone and adopt a solution-oriented approach. When your goal is to improve the relationship, your boyfriend might not only listen but also comply.
If the communication still fails, it’s not you who has failed but he who has refused to receive the message.
When your boyfriend hurts you emotionally without feeling guilty, it can make you feel invisible. It shows a complete lack of concern for your feelings.
But it’s not your mistake, and his hurtful behaviour cannot be justified. He is emotionally hurtful and needs to become more respectful.
You must let him know about it and give him some time. Suggest therapy if needed.
Remember: guilt is generally not considered good, but sometimes it helps create positive boundaries in relationships, which can protect and keep the love alive!
He Doesn’t Apologise
If your boyfriend doesn’t apologise for hurting you emotionally, it’s a clear sign he isn’t sorry.
Apologizing after hurting your partner means accepting your mistake and saying a heartfelt ‘sorry.’ It might not reverse the damage done, but it can still reduce the emotional pain of the hurt partner.
The apology is a promise that you will be more careful about your partner’s feelings in the future.
If your partner gives you a verbal face-to-face apology, he is genuinely sorry for what he did.
But if he is too ashamed of himself, he may even apologise in writing through a note, SMS, or email.
Sometimes, you may feel, from their body language, that they regret hurting you. But you must “take” it for an apology. Let them come out, explain themselves, and say the word. It matters!
When they apologise, forgive them, but not before letting them know how you felt. It will give them a significant reason to improve.
An apology is natural after hurting your partner. It may be unintentional, but you have still hurt them. Hurting your partner, whom you love a lot, also hurts you.
The only way out of all the pain is a genuine apology to soothe your partner, which also serves as a commitment not to cross the line again.
If your partner doesn’t apologise after hurting you, it’s indecent, to say the least. It’s basic courtesy to be concerned about someone you hurt. When you don’t apologize to your hurt partner, it isn’t kind.
Apologizing requires inner strength, which your partner may lack. If he has a big ego, it may also act as a deterrent.
Ulterior motives like dominating the relationship may also be a reason why he doesn’t apologise for hurting you emotionally.
But if he is incapable of change and knows he will do it again, apologizing may not be on his mind.
If he doesn’t apologise for hurting you, you may directly ask him for an apology. If you are concerned that doing so will break the relationship, remember to sound genuine and not bossy. Portray it as a polite need rather than a rigid demand.
An apology, even if asked for, still holds value. It helps you draw clear boundaries in the relationship and let your boyfriend know of them. It may not serve as a guarantee, but it still enables you to strengthen communication in the relationship.
Your partner may refuse to apologise.
Do not feel irked or mad. Do not take the apology request too far, either. Doing so will only make you appear desperate, which may make your boyfriend defensive or even uninterested.
Use ‘Positive silent treatment‘ instead. When a genuine relationship need isn’t fulfilled, it’s natural to feel hurt. Let the silent treatment be an “expression” of that pain.
Remember: You are not using silent treatment as an agenda in the relationship but as a natural expression (or a lack of it) of feeling hurt. This is what makes the silent treatment positive.
Even if you don’t get an apology from your emotionally hurtful boyfriend, it will still send across the message. They will be more careful not to hurt your feelings in the future.
A clear, heartfelt apology right at the start would have been assuring. When no apology comes, it may feel disrespectful. It may mean that your boyfriend not only ignores your feelings but also your genuine relationship needs.
But in no way does it mean that you deserve to get emotionally hurt. It only means that he doesn’t know how to own his mistakes and make them right.
Although you are hurt, choose not to feel vengeful. Just focus on letting your boyfriend know that it’s NOT okay to make you feel this way.
He Hurts You Again
If your boyfriend hurts you again, it’s the most significant sign he is not sorry for hurting you.
He may hurt in the same way or say the same things that hurt you earlier. Or he may say or do entirely new things that hurt you emotionally.
In both cases, the degree of emotional hurt you experience will feel larger and more brutal.
He may start neglecting you, say hurtful things, shout at you in front of his friends, or belittle your feelings or needs.
When he hurts you again, clearly, he hasn’t changed, but may have gotten worse. If he promised change, it shows a lack of commitment to his own word.
What it tells us about him is that he is a repeat offender who might soon turn toxic in the relationship. Maybe he is incapable of change, or perhaps he needs therapy.
When he hurts you again, unfortunately, the time to talk might be over. It’s time to prioritise your own safety and mental wellbeing.
If you still believe there is a chance, you must suggest therapy to him. If he avoids the advice, you must walk away before it becomes unbearable for you.
Remember: Preventing abuse is better than spending time healing it. You could use this time to invest in yourself or nurture a relationship that deserves you.
If you don’t get out at the right time, you risk getting emotionally attached to your emotionally abusive boyfriend.
It will not only make it harder for you to walk away but also make his hurtful behaviour become progressively more painful.
Thus, it’s a crucial moment when you must make a decision promptly.
Whatever you choose, ensure you put your safety, mental health, and wellbeing on top.
If you choose to stay in the relationship and give it some time, ensure your partner is moving in the right direction. They should at least show some progress or willingness to improve.
But if his emotionally hurtful behaviour worsens or he refuses to undergo therapy, you must not wait any longer.
If you still find it difficult, do not hesitate to ask for help from people who love you, such as a close friend or family member.
The fact that your boyfriend hurts you again means that the emotional neglect in the relationship might be increasing.
At this point, you might even start feeling that there is something wrong with you, or that you are the one who is unworthy of respect.
But the truth is that your emotionally abusive boyfriend is incapable of respecting their partner. Maybe he doesn’t consider emotional health an essential part of one’s existence.
It’s you who must choose emotional well-being over an emotionally complex relationship.
Some Other Signs Your Boyfriend Isn’t Sorry For Hurting You Emotionally
- He minimises what happened by saying things like “You are being too sensitive’ or ‘Can you just let it go?”
- He gets defensive instead of understanding, for example, saying things like “I said that only because you made me angry.”
- He shifts the blame by saying things like “You are the reason I get upset.”
- His apology feels empty or forced, for example, when he says, “I am sorry, okay?”
- He acts like you owe him forgiveness, for example, saying things like “I already apologized, what more do you want?”
- He shows no empathy, for example, not asking “Are you okay?” Or “How can we make it right?”
- He behaves normally right after hurting you, for example, laughing, flirting, or acting like nothing happened.
- He uses guilt or manipulation, for example, saying things like “You always make me feel like the bad guy.”
If you notice these signs in your emotionally hurtful boyfriend’s behaviour, you can say that he is not sorry for hurting you.
You Deserve Care & Respect
Being hurt by your loving partner feels unreal. And when they don’t even realise their mistake or make it up to you, it might feel disappointing.
It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong; having the bare minimum of emotional expectations in a relationship is no sin. Instead of feeling guilty yourself, you must accept that you are living with an emotionally hurtful partner.
This acceptance opens the way for a solution.
When you realise the true nature of your partner, wanting change or walking away, whatever you choose, makes total sense. Being honest and wanting the best for yourself is not a mistake.
If you do not want to make any hasty decisions, you must look for clear signs that your boyfriend is sorry for hurting you. It will be visible as guilt, an apology, or a positive change in him.
If you feel emotionally satisfied, you may forgive your boyfriend for hurting you emotionally.
But if he shows no signs of being sorry and refuses to change or give therapy a try, it’s time to choose your emotional health over him.
Remember: Someone who doesn’t make you feel safe, cared-for, or respected doesn’t deserve you!
