A Relationship Is About Love, Not Anger
Do you feel “My partner gets angry when I make a small mistake?”
Feeling judged by your partner when you need them the most might feel lonely and challenging.
But you need only a little courage to make things normal again in your relationship.
When your partner gets angry at your minor mistakes, it means they impulsively lash out at you when you don’t meet their set standards or expectations.
They may say hurtful words when you mistakenly spill a little water on the floor. Or they may get upset and shout at you when you cook slightly differently than what they like. Or they might call you “good for nothing” when you forget a household task like bringing in the mail.
Some signs that your partner gets angry at your small mistakes are them getting visibly irritated when they could have easily avoided it, shouting or insulting you without caring about your feelings, or ‘shutting you out’ with the silent treatment that feels like a mini break-up.
There can be both positive and negative reasons behind your partner’s anger at your little mistakes.
The positive reasons are unintentional and beyond your partner’s control. For example, untaught values in childhood, perfectionism, stress, or anger issues. These positive reasons don’t make your partner a bad person, per se.
The negative ones, on the other hand, might be intentional and signal a personality issue. For example, insensitivity towards one’s partner’s feelings, a natural urge to be dominating in the relationship, a lack of boundaries causing disrespect towards one’s partner, or simply not valuing or caring about your partner. These negative reasons may indicate that anger is a deeper personality trait in your partner, which might be more challenging to address.
Your partner’s unreasonable anger can cause unnecessary fear and guilt within you. It may start to hurt your self-esteem, making you feel “not good enough.” When you try to discuss the issue, it can trigger long, draining arguments and ugly fights, creating a frustrating distance in the relationship.
In the long run, resentment could replace the love & warmth in the relationship, making it fragile.
Facing your partner’s wrath instead of receiving their love, care, and support is never easy. Being at the receiving end of their harsh words for no fault of yours might feel extremely unfair and unkind. But the worst part is that it might damage your self-confidence and threaten your self-worth, pushing you into a temporary depression.
But it might just be the tip of the iceberg that jolts the relationship. If your partner’s anger and the consequent disrespect aren’t checked, it may only get worse in the future. What seems like an aberration right now might quickly turn into toxicity, causing an excruciating separation.
Thus, you must take urgent steps to protect your self-respect, turn your partner’s anger into calmness, and hence save the relationship from a potential split.
This blog will help you shut your partner’s anger out of the relationship. It will give you simple steps to regain their calming influence in your life.
Thus, by the end of this blog, you will learn a powerful way not only to bring your relationship on the right track but also to find your lost self-respect.
Let’s begin.
My Partner Gets Angry When I Make A Small Mistake: What Do I Do?
Drive Anger Out of Your Relationship
If your partner gets angry when you make a small mistake, you must take urgent steps to drive anger out of the relationship.
Driving anger out of the relationship means replacing it with love as it was meant to be. It will make your partner supportive and loving again when you make a small mistake.
When love replaces anger in a relationship, it can entirely change your partner’s mood and reactions to your mistakes.
They may laugh off the mistake that once frustrated them. They may tell you not to “worry about it” or that it’s “completely normal” to commit such errors. They may calm you down when you tend to get self-critical after making a mistake. They might even start finding your small mistakes cute and romantic.
When anger gets driven out, a relationship starts to feel warm, more loving, and supportive again. Intimidation makes way for growing closeness, chemistry, and intimacy.
Your mistakes no longer hurt your self-esteem but become opportunities to accept and liberate yourself. It helps you be yourself and keep evolving as an individual.
Your partner doesn’t judge you anymore; they make you feel special. Moments of mistakes become moments to remember and rejoice in life. It lays down the foundation for a long, stable, and loving relationship.
Thus, when your partner gets angry at your minor mistakes, you must drive the anger out of the relationship.
Here is a step-by-step guide on how to do it.
Ensure you are not in a toxic relationship
If your partner gets angry at your small mistakes too often, you might be in a toxic relationship where you feel suffocated constantly.
If this is the case, you must get out of the toxic relationship at the earliest, as it might not have too much hope left in it.
But if it’s not a toxic relationship, you need to begin by changing the way you think about the whole issue.
Stop thinking it’s your fault
When the person you love the most unfairly criticises you, it might deceive you into believing it’s your fault. It may constantly keep you anxious and make you second-guess yourself in everything you do.
But the thumb rule is—There is no bigger mistake than anger, criticising others, and making them feel bad about themselves. Thus, it’s not you but your partner who might be at fault here.
You need to remind yourself that it’s not your fault, that everyone makes mistakes, and that no one is perfect.
Doing this is essential to protecting your self-esteem and maintaining your mental health.
Stop apologising
Apologizing to your partner may feel like a quick fix, but it would only make things worse. It will mean accepting a mistake you haven’t committed, while justifying your partner’s unreasonable and demeaning behaviour.
Thus, you must stop saying ‘Sorry’ as your default answer when your partner gets mad at you. It will go a long way in making you realise that you haven’t done anything wrong.
Forgive yourself for letting it happen to you
Sometimes we accept unreasonable and disrespectful behaviour of our partners, thinking it’s no big deal. But it does have a significant negative impact on your inner, subconscious self. It damages your self-image!
Thus, you must forgive yourself for not being able to protect yourself from your partner’s wrath.
An honest apology to oneself will serve as a promise to protect oneself in the future.
Forgive yourself for blaming yourself
Another thing that you need to apologise to yourself for is turning self-critical under pressure from your partner. Your mistakes are as much yours as are your achievements. Thus, you must not blame yourself for your small mistakes. They contribute in a big way towards making who you are today.
Remember: Being open to criticism shows openness of your mind, but taking unfair blame hurts your self-esteem and confidence.
Thus, apologize to yourself for blaming yourself for your mistakes and promise yourself to protect your self-worth in the future.
Stop getting intimidated
Things start going wrong for you the moment you get scared by your partner’s anger.
What you need to do is to stand your ground, look them in the eye, and tell them it’s not a mistake and it can happen to anybody. It will prevent you from getting tricked into doubting yourself.
When you refuse to get intimidated, your partner’s anger loses power over you. Your confident statement might also help them realise their mistake of unfairly blaming you.
Speak up against the anger
The next thing that you must make clear to your partner is that it’s not okay to shout at you or belittle you. You can also remind them that you do not shout or criticise them when they make similar mistakes. But you must remember to balance firmness with calmness.
This ‘firm boldness’ will help you take a stand to protect your self-respect. It will act as a positive boundary in your relationship, making your partner think before they shout at you next time.
Talk about it
Your goal was never to fight or further complicate your situation with your partner. It was only to make them change their habit of getting unnecessarily angry at you.
Thus, when they are no longer angry, they show genuine concern about their rising anger. Make an emotional appeal that makes them express their bottled-up emotions.
Say something like – “You used to be so cool and easy-going, what happened?” It will give them hope of becoming calm and their usual selves once again.
Explain to them that their anger is crossing a healthy limit and hurting them and the relationship in a big way.
Help your partner
When they open up to you, extend your full support.
If the root cause of their anger is something temporary, like work stress, talk them out of it. You can also help them reestablish a work-life balance. Recommend some anger-control exercises, such as reverse counting from 10, meditation, or physical exercise.
If it’s something concerning, like the beginning of the signs of anger issues, suggest therapy before it’s too late.
Promise to be there with them in their arduous journey to overcome anger. It will give them the strength they need to overcome their rage.
Make a fresh start to the relationship
When your partner’s habit of getting angry at your small mistakes is no longer there, give a calm, new beginning to the relationship.
Redraw some healthy ground rules to prevent future anger issues, like regular communication about your feelings.
Ensure that the relationship becomes loving again, that is, free from the slow poison of anger.
To drive anger out of a relationship, you need a lot of inner strength. Inner strength helps you overcome self-doubt, stand up for yourself, help your partner overcome their rage, and eventually save the relationship.
The secret to that inner strength is self-love. Remember: Only when you are capable of protecting yourself can you protect your partner and your relationship.
Healing your partner of their anger issues will make you feel powerful. It would give you the power to protect your self-esteem and help bring your partner back to their usual, calm self. It means that you have prevented a promising relationship from going toxic.
Use Your Calmness To Overcome Your Partner’s Anger
Mistakes trigger instant guilt within you. But when the person you love the most shouts at you instead of supporting you, it feels even more disheartening. It can seriously dent your self-confidence and make you feel worthless.
What you must remember is that mistakes, especially the smaller ones, are inevitable. They are sometimes even necessary to help you be yourself and motivate you to keep improving.
Thus, instead of taking cues from your partner and being harsh on yourself, you must choose to drive anger out of your relationship. Begin by protecting yourself from the risks of intimidation, self-criticism, and low self-esteem.
The next step is to let your partner know that it’s not okay to shout at you and make you feel bad about yourself.
When they realise their mistake or apologise for their behaviour, take it as an opportunity to make things right again with them. Talk to them, try to find the root cause of their anger, and offer help or suggest therapy if needed.
And finally, when things feel normal again, make a fresh start to a loving relationship.
But remember not to overdo things at any stage, as it might hurt the relationship. A good rule-of-thumb would be to use ‘calmness’ as your most significant weapon in the fight against your partner’s anger.
In the end, I leave you with this powerful reminder: The biggest mistake one can commit is to let your partner’s unreasonable anger erode one’s self-respect.
