Disagreement Is The Soul of A Relationship
Is the thought “My husband gets angry when I disagree with him” bothering you?
It’s a more common issue in a marriage than you may think.
To come out, you need balance—keep your opinions and individuality and at the same time prevent your husband’s anger.
It’s not an overstatement when I say disagreements are the soul of any relationship. When both partners have an equal say in the situations they face, it speaks volumes about the depth and strength of the relationship.
If your partner gets angry when you disagree with him, it means he doesn’t consider your opinion important enough. He thinks he is the right one, and it’s his opinion only that matters.
For example, when deciding on the venue for the weekend date, if he rejects your choice of restaurant, it shows he doesn’t value your opinions or choice. On the contrary, he shouts at you for doubting his decision.
When your choices don’t matter in your relationship, you feel worthless. It feels like you are in the relationship only to obey, not to be loved.
But when rejection of your choice is expressed in anger, it hurts even more. It feels like your partner doesn’t even have the basic respect for you in their heart. The momentary toxicity feels painfully suffocating and demeaning.
When your husband gets angry over your disagreement, there may be simple causes.
First, maybe he considers himself the “master” in the relationship, with greater knowledge and capability.
But such behaviour may also result from stress and the feeling of ‘paucity of time’ to make a decision.
Whatever the reason, your husband’s anger at your disagreement causes severe damage to your relationship.
First of all, it makes you feel unequal and overlooked in the relationship.
Next, it makes your husband feel it’s okay to behave this way in the “interest” of the family. Such thinking not only belittles and hurts you and makes your husband insensitive and unfair, but also normalises momentary toxicity in the relationship.
If you do not take urgent steps to set things right, this momentary toxicity can very quickly become a trend in the relationship, which could mercilessly tear it apart, not to mention the repercussions of all the one-sided decision-making by your husband in the relationship.
This blog will give you simple tips on how to handle your husband’s anger as a result of your disagreement. It will provide you with practical ways to calm him down and to make him treat dissent in the relationship respectfully.
Let’s begin.
My Husband Gets Angry When I Disagree With Him—What Do I Do?
Ensure your disagreement is polite
Sometimes disagreements can come out in a rude tone, triggering anger on the other side. Ensure you disagree with your husband politely and calmly.
Do not get intimidated
Getting intimidated by your husband’s anger can give you a double blow—You may be scared to disagree with him the next time, and he will start using anger as a weapon more often in the relationship.
Thus, you must consciously not get intimidated by your husband’s anger.
When he shouts at you for disagreeing with him, do not show any signs of fear on your face. Keep your calm and maintain eye contact with him.
Do not answer fire with fire
Remember not to answer your husband’s anger with anger.
Doing so would only weaken your argument and could also lead to a full-blown argument that might add unnecessary complications.
So, at all times, maintain your calm and composure.
Hold onto your opinions
Just because your partner got mad at your counterargument doesn’t mean it was wrong or that you need to give it up. Your opinions are important—they give you your individuality and make you who you are.
Giving them up to make your partner happy will hurt your self-esteem and, over time, lead to self-doubt and low self-confidence.
Thus, even when under fire for your arguments, do not disown them. Hold onto them like a part of you.
Ask him if he considers you equal
A Relationship has a chance to succeed only when both partners are equal.
Ask your husband if he gives your views equal importance as theirs. If they do, they will realise their mistake. Getting angry at your disagreement might have been just an aberration.
Find out why he gets angry
If you closely observe your husband, his behaviour, and his comments, you will know the reason behind his anger. If you don’t, you can also ask him directly.
If he considers himself the “master” in the relationship and treats you unequally, it’s time to give him a reality check.
Tell him that your opinions matter too, and that he cannot dismiss them so easily. You will see a gradual change in his behaviour where he starts taking your opinions more seriously.
But if the reason behind his anger at your disagreement is ‘stress’ or ‘a shortage of time,’ it’s a much better situation. It shows that he values your opinions but is currently feeling too overwhelmed to do so.
In that case, you can talk supportively, calm him down, and help him out.
Remind him there is no paucity of time
When under stress or pressure, many people feel they have little time to make decisions. This causes them to overlook their loved ones’ opinions and make a hasty decision on their own.
You must remind your husband that there is no paucity of time. It’s the stress within that is making him feel so, and he needs to calm down.
You can also remind him of the perils of making hasty decisions—They are unbalanced and extreme decisions that make you commit mistakes. Decisions that represent diverse views are wiser and more likely to be correct.
When your husband comes back to his senses, he will be able to appreciate your opinion.
Clarify disagreements isn’t an insult
Some people have big egos and consider dissent an insult. If you feel this is the case with your husband, you must tell him the truth.
Tell him that your disagreement isn’t about him but you. It’s about your voice and expression and not about making him feel bad or small.
When he realises that your dissent is not a personal attack on him, he may be able to accept your opinion happily.
Request him to keep his mind open
Sometimes, when a partner can’t tolerate disagreements, it’s because they have unknowingly entered into a ‘closed’ and ‘rigid’ mental space. A little reminder or request might go a long way toward opening that door.
Explain the benefits of a healthy discussion
Remind your husband that healthy communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
If you can’t express how you feel, it will only create distance and consequent misunderstandings in the relationship. On the other hand, healthy conversations where you can express yourselves freely can strengthen understanding and bring you closer emotionally.
Offer help
If your husband still doesn’t understand the importance of disagreements in a relationship, you must consider taking expert help.
It may be the result of a troubled childhood in which his parents did not encourage disagreement. Expert psychologists may better handle such deep trauma.
Thus, suggest therapy and offer your husband unconditional, judgment-free support.
You Deserve To Be Heard, Accepted, And Loved
To see your opinion angrily sidelined by your husband can be crushing. It can make you feel invisible and deeply damage your self-esteem.
But you did nothing to deserve your partner’s wrath. It’s a fundamental right in a relationship to be heard and accepted. If your partner fails to understand that, you must remind him politely.
Your first goal should be not to lose confidence in speaking your mind. Do not let yourself sink into the feeling of worthlessness. Uphold your individuality and remember that your opinion and feelings matter, no matter how your partners react.
The next thing you need to do is to make your husband realise it too. If he doesn’t consider you equal, you must politely convince him to believe otherwise. If it’s a mistake due to stress, you must bring him back to his senses with some clarifying reality checks. And if it’s a deeper problem, you must get him expert help.
If he genuinely loves you and values the relationship, eventually, he will accept your disagreements with open arms.
