Is the thought, “I hurt someone I love how do I fix it?” making you feel down?

If it is, stop being so hard on yourself. It happens to everyone at different points in their lives.

You should be proud of yourself for realising your mistake and longing to fix it.

And if you genuinely love them (which you do), fixing it won’t be a big issue.

In a nutshell, winning back someone requires you to overcome your ego and give a heartfelt apology.

We will see how you can do this easily later in the article.

So, let’s get started!

Relationships that involve love can be tricky for two apparent reasons:

Human behaviour can be unpredictable and out of their control sometimes.

Human relations can be fragile.

So, even though you love someone, you may hurt their feelings, jeopardizing your relationship with them.

However, a valid question is – why do we hurt the people we love?

If we love them, shouldn’t our love keep growing boundlessly without ever hurting them?

That should be the case in a perfect world, but as I told you earlier, human lives are far from ideal.

It’s complex and uncertain, and many things, including our own minds and behaviours, are beyond our control.

Here are some reasons why we hurt the people we love.

Why Do We Hurt The People We Love The Most?

Expectations

We expect a lot from the people we love. 

More often than not, these expectations are unreasonable and eventually disappoint us. When we feel let down, we tend to get angry at our loved ones.

Mood Swings

Life has its ups and downs, and our moods are influenced by them. Sometimes, we may feel overwhelmed and do things we wouldn’t in normal circumstances, such as hurting our loved ones.

Irony of Life

A famous saying is, “The darkest space around a torch is beneath it.” 

This irony of life applies to human relationships, too. It’s well-established that we tend to get mad at the people we love the most!

And in the process, we hurt the feelings of the people we care about the most.

Failures

No matter how good you are, no one escapes failures in life.

And when they strike us like lightning, we feel depressed and say or do things that hurt the people we love.

Negative Emotions

Emotions often get the better of us. When negative emotions like fear, anger, jealousy, or ego overpower us, we might do things we would regret later.

Our loved ones often find themselves on the receiving end when our negative emotions control us.

Lack of Positive Boundaries

When we don’t draw positive boundaries in loving relationships, we may cross the boundaries of love and enter an unknown and foul territory.

It makes us do things that go against loving someone, even though we love them.

Most factors that cause us to hurt our loved ones are beyond human control. 

It means you should not blame yourself for them. 

What you can do is to understand how hurting your loved ones made them feel so that you can change yourself for the better.

It is how your loved ones feel when you hurt them.

How Does Hurting Your Loved Ones Make Them Feel

Shock or disbelief

Your loved ones feel you genuinely love them and can never hurt them.

But when you do, they cannot believe it and don’t know how to react to the shock.

Disappointment

Your loved ones don’t expect too much from you. They want you to be with and love them, not to give them anything.

But when you hurt their feelings, they feel let down and sad.

Emotional Upheaval

When you hurt your loved ones, they go through mental and emotional turmoil within themselves, and their whole world turns upside down.

Loneliness

For the people you love, you are their whole world. When you hurt their feelings, they have no option but to feel neglected and lonely.

Unloved

You cannot love and also hurt someone at the same time. So, when you hurt your loved ones, they feel they do not know you.

It feels to them that you might have stopped loving them.

Hurting your loved ones is a lose-lose situation in relationships. Both you and your loved ones are at a loss.

But if you show the willingness to fix it, it can be a blessing in disguise. How?

When a relationship goes through challenges, it grows and becomes better.

So, if you can find a way to fix hurting a loved one, your relationship will strengthen. 

And this can act as a big motivation to fix things.

Let’s now find out how to fix things after deeply hurting someone you love.

I Hurt Someone I Love How Do I Fix It?

Do not be critical of yourself

Feeling guilty constantly or blaming yourself makes fixing things harder.

Thus, treat the episode as a mistake you will rectify.

Forgive yourself

It’s difficult to forgive yourself before your loved one (whom you hurt) forgives you.

But you have to find a way to forgive yourself first.

Self-forgiveness will become easy if you see your mistake as something that doesn’t define you.

Please take it as a one-time mistake (and not perceive yourself as a bad person) and be willing to accept the consequences.

Pinpoint your mistake

It’s essential to revisit the mistake and understand it clearly.

It will act as the first step in ensuring that you don’t repeat it in the future.

Find out why you did it

This is the most crucial step.

Finding the cause will help you uproot the mistake permanently.

So, if you said hurtful things to your loved one, think about why you did it. Was it because of stress, fear, or in response to something they did?

Find ways to improve yourself

Every problem has a solution. Once you have identified the root cause of the issue, you can start looking for ways to overcome it.

For example, if stress made you say or do hurtful things to your loved one, you can find ways to release stress, like physical exercise, meditating, or anything that suits you.

Start working on it

You can start working on it when you discover ways to address the cause behind your hurting your loved one.

When you have a big motivation behind self-improvement, like in your case, it becomes easy to grow.

Give a heartfelt apology

After you have started the process of self-improvement, you are finally ready to approach your loved one and apologise.

It will now make sense to you and give you the confidence to apologize to them.

There is one more thing you need to apologise to someone – dialling down on your ego.

But since you love the person so much, I assume you have already done that.

Explain the whole situation

After you have apologised, explain your whole situation to them. 

Tell them about the problem, why you did it, and how you have been working to overcome it.

Assure them that you won’t repeat the mistake in the future.

Your claims will now have more weight and thus be more believable.

Be Patient

You must remember that forgiveness is a tricky affair that may take a little more time than we expect.

Even though your loved one might be willing to forgive you, it has to come naturally.

So, you must be patient and wait for forgiveness to come at its own pace and at the right time.

Show visible self-improvement

Showing visible self-improvement in your behaviour will also help the natural process of forgiveness.

It will convince your loved one that you are truly changing for the better and thus deserve forgiveness. 

Thank them for forgiveness

When your loved one finally forgives you, remember to stay humble.

Recognise their generosity, thank them for their kindness, and promise not to repeat the mistake.

Become A More Loving Person

The damage you do to the people you love by hurting them isn’t reversible. But it can have a positive impact if you follow the right path.

So, when you hurt a loved one, deeply reflect on yourself, give a heartfelt apology, and use the occasion to become a better and more loving person.