Living For Yourself is A Necessity

Is asking the question ‘how to live for yourself’, morally right?

Living for yourself may sound like a little selfish. 

Trust me, it’s not. 

It’s because it is different from living ONLY for yourself.

For many people learning to live for themselves is a necessity and not a selfish wish. 

It’s a necessity for them because they have a habit of living only for others. 

Thus, they need to learn to live for themselves so that they develop balance within their lives. 

This balance will let them live a less painful life and a life that has less struggle in it.

When you live only for others, you tend to ignore your well-being. 

As a result, your life becomes too difficult and burdensome. 

Helping others isn’t bad or wrong but when you help others at the cost of yourself, it becomes an unsustainable affair.

In the long run, you will get weaker and weaker in various respects.

As a result, you won’t be able to help others after a point.

Thus, it’s of utmost importance to first learn how to live for yourself so that you can build yourself up for life.

How To Live For Yourself

To learn how to live for yourself, you have to refrain from living for others for some time and focus solely on living for yourself during this period. 

You may help others once you have learned to live for yourself but until then, you have to focus only on living for yourself.

It’s a difficult phase to be in but it’s for your good and the good of everyone else around you who you currently live for.

Learning how to live for yourself fundamentally consists of two phases. 

The first involves reducing and finally eliminating the influence of others in your life. 

The second phase entails developing yourself into a person who is capable of promoting his well-being, interests, and benefits.

An intermediate third stage may also come like a passing phase at various junctures while you are trying to learn how to live for yourself.

This passing phase is one where you would only want to “rest”. 

Here, you are neither involved in living for others nor in living for yourself. 

It may happen quite a few times when you are trying to learn to live for yourself as it may seem a little tiring to do so at times. 

Hence, you may want to take a break from it and just relax for the time being.

So, let’s begin learning how to live for yourself.

Remove The Fear & Pressure of The Expectations of Others

The first step to learning how to live for yourself is to remove the fear & pressure of the expectations of others.

When you are in the habit of living for others, your mind develops and harbors a hidden fear & pressure of people. 

This fear and pressure makes you compulsively fulfil all the expectations and wishes of people irrespective of how unreasonable they are. 

You may feel that there is no external fear or pressure and that you are doing everything by choice. 

But it feels so because these negative emotions have been housed very deep in your mind. 

It almost becomes like a voluntary slavery.

If you want to confirm this, you can stop fulfilling the undue demands and wishes of these people and see what happens.

They would get angry or criticize you to put the fear and pressure back into you.

But you need to do this.

Stop fearing and taking pressure off their expectations from you.

But don’t get into ugly arguments or fights with anyone as it’s not their fault either.

They had gotten used to your favors and when you take it back, a backlash is quite natural. 

The important thing is to stand your ground silently and peacefully. 

You just have to pull out the fear and not make enemies by getting into fights.

That’s how removing the fear & pressure of the expectations of others takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Stop Worrying About Getting Judged or Being Criticised

The second step to learning how to live for yourself is to stop worrying about getting judged or being criticized.

When you silently go through the backlash once you stop giving favors, soon people stop messing with you.

But the shadow of their anger and criticisms may not leave you. 

Their unhappiness may continue to be with you in your mind.

You may constantly find yourself thinking about what they might be thinking about you.

Every move that you make might make you feel that you are constantly being watched and judged by them.

You have to be brave and be okay with being judged all the time while doing what is in your best interest. 

You should not worry about being criticized either because it’s for your good and it’s worth it.

Judgments and criticisms of others tell more about the person who does them instead of the person to whom they are directed.

So, do not get shaken by these judgments and criticisms.

You have to learn to ignore being judged and criticized when you stop living for others.

That’s how stopping to worry about getting judged or being criticized takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Stop Being A People-Pleaser

The third step to learning how to live for yourself is to stop being a people-pleaser.

After taking out the fear and the worry about being judged, you may not want to make anyone else unhappy anymore.

This is the time when you risk becoming a people-pleaser to protect your image & reputation. 

You may feel the need to explain your side of the story and compliment these new people to make your explanation more believable.

But beware! All this comes with a huge cost.

By unnecessarily complimenting these people you will fall into the trap of becoming a people-pleaser.

This might also bring you to square one when to protect your image you once again start giving unreasonable favours to a completely new group of people.

Thus, you would have to give up the need to explain yourself after pulling back your undue favors to people.

If you keep feeling the need to explain yourself, it would mean that you don’t trust yourself.

It would also mean that you are doubting the process of development of the way to live for yourself.

It may also mean that you don’t want to learn how to live for yourself.

Thus, to make your life better, you should be willing to pay a temporary price in the form of people’s judgment of you.

When you learn how to live for yourself, everyone will stand and applaud your bold step.

That’s how ceasing to be a people-pleaser takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Stop Going Out of The Way To Help Others

The fourth step to learning how to live for yourself is to stop going out of the way to help others.

If you are not able to control the urge to explain yourself, things could return to where it all began or it could get even worse.

You might become someone who goes out of their way to help others.

Again reiterating, helping others isn’t a bad thing. 

But when it isn’t done wisely and in a balanced way, it becomes counterproductive. 

When you go out of your way to help others, your own life will be affected adversely.

If you try to take a step back, you would again risk losing friends or making new enemies. 

Also, when you develop the habit of going out of the way to help others, people might use it to get their way with you.

Thus, to protect your reputation, you have sunk even deeper into the pit and made it your new normal.

Thus, it’s better not to think what people think or say about you and hence avoid going out of the way to help others.

Here, the first stage ends.

By reaching here, you have successfully nullified the influence of others in your life.

The next stage is to develop a personality within you using which you can start to live for yourself.

That’s how not going out of the way to help others takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Relax And Spend Some Time Alone

The fifth step to learning how to live for yourself is to relax and spend some time alone.

Once you get out of the stage of life where you lived for everyone else but yourself, take the much-needed break.

Spend some time alone, find inner peace once again, and feel the tranquility around you.

Doing so is an important step in learning how to live for yourself. 

It would give you the much-needed rest after all that you have done in the past.

Also, it would lay the foundation for who you want to become. 

Establishing yourself as a person who lives for himself or herself isn’t a cakewalk.

It involves a lot of courage, hard work, and willpower. 

Hence, relaxing and spending some time alone is the perfect start to this journey.

That’s how relaxing and spending some time alone takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Reflect on Your Life And Find Who You Are

The sixth step to learning how to live for yourself is to reflect on your life and find who you are.

When you start feeling well-rested, the next step needs to be started.

Here, you need to reflect on the life that you have lived till now.

Track your story, why you did what you did, your mistakes, and the changes you need to make going forward. 

Find the reason why you were not able to live for yourself before. 

What diverted you from the right path?

Doing this would make things clearer for you. 

You will now know your mistakes that you don’t want to repeat in the future.

It will make you progressive.

Also, you need to find your true self.

Ask yourself what you want to be like. 

What are your aspirations, likes & dislikes? 

What do you like doing?

Ask every question that you think is important in taking you closer to your true self.

This image of your true self is what you are going to pursue and develop to be able to live for yourself.

When you are ready with a complete image of yourself in your mind, you are ready to start living for yourself.

That’s how reflecting on your life and finding who you are takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Do Things That Make You Feel Peaceful, Happy, & Free

The seventh step to learning how to live for yourself is to do things that make you feel peaceful, happy, & free.

When you know yourself inside out after the last step, you know what works for you. 

The things that make you peaceful take you closer to your true self.

So, if meditation makes you peaceful, do it. 

If painting is your way to a more peaceful self, pursue it. 

If money makes you more peaceful, go for it and earn loads of it.

Similarly, whatever makes you happy, do it. 

Generally, doing the things we are good at, makes us happy. 

So, follow your expertise and do it. 

Also, do not forget to do the things that make you feel free. 

Peace & happiness are important but freedom is the most important thing in one’s life. 

An activity that sets you free also makes you peaceful and happy.

While you do it, it doesn’t feel like you are doing anything. 

It just kind of happens. 

It flows out of you like a river from a mountain.

It sets you free.

When you do the things that make you peaceful, happy, and free, you have truly started living for yourself.

That’s how doing things that make you feel peaceful, happy, & free takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Set Targets, Goals, & Objectives And Achieve Them

The eighth and last step to learning how to live for yourself is to set targets, goals, and objectives and achieve them.

Spiritual gems like inner peace, happiness, and freedom are important.

But physical prowess is the other very important way to live for yourself.

Thus, set big targets, goals, and objectives in your life and go for fulfilling them.

Physical success makes you feel good about yourself. 

It gives you a sense of vindication & fulfillment. 

It lets you live your life the way you want to and also enhances your reputation and respect in society. 

When you are successful, people applaud you. 

It’s like you get the respect of the society for living for yourself.

And when you are successful, you can now meaningfully help others who need you.

Thus, you can live for yourself and at the same time help the needy with far more resources and capability. 

This is the true way to live for yourself that is balanced and beneficial for all.

That’s how setting targets, goals, and objectives and achieving them takes you towards learning how to live for yourself.

Learning To Live For Yourself is A Win-Win For All

Helping others is a noble deed. But when you do it at the cost of your good, it is bound to lose its luster sooner or later. 

Helping others when you are weak isn’t something that you can do sustainably.

Thus, you first need to learn how to live for yourself by retreating out of helping others and developing yourself first.

It might be a painful and arduous process but it’s worth it because it’s about making your life better.

And when you become capable of living for yourself, you become a complete person.

You can now take care of your needs and the needs of those you love, simultaneously.

This is what makes you balanced and a complete person.

So, if living for yourself seems selfish, let it be. 

It may seem selfish in the short run but in the long run, the advantages are real, multiple, and quite effective, which are good for everyone alike.