Lack of Affection In A Relationship Can Be Fixed

Do you wish your partner were more affectionate?

To put it straight—it’s possible to learn how to deal with a partner who is not affectionate and turn them into an affectionate one.

Affection is a fundamental need in a relationship. It is what you get into a relationship for in the first place!

Affection is the proof of the presence of love in a relationship. When your partner misses you when you are not around, holds you tightly in their arms, or is just there when you need them emotionally, it’s affection. If love is the source, affection is the river that flows out of it.

If you do not receive affection from your partner, you must first think whether they find it difficult to show affection or if they are entirely unaffectionate. 

If you feel they try but feel stuck and thus retreat, it’s a sign they are affectionate but are struggling to find a way to show affection. 

However, if they make no effort whatsoever to comfort you and are not affectionate, it may be a personality trait.

But having an unaffectionate personality still doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you. It may mean their way of expressing affection or love language is different from what you expect. For example, they may consider financial security a way to show affection, while you may expect emotional closeness as affection.

Having different love languages doesn’t mean you are unloved in your relationship or that you have impractical expectations. Thus, you should neither become critical of your partner nor should you feel guilty.

It’s just a relationship situation that can be handled by making simple and honest efforts in the right direction.

Living with an unaffectionate partner can be tough! A lack of affection from your partner can make you feel ignored entirely in the relationship. It might leave you feeling lonely and make you think it’s futile to stay in the relationship. 

You are not entirely wrong! 

You deserve love and affection from your partner, especially when you are feeling low or lonely. You deserve someone who makes you feel special every moment, even when they are away.

But giving up on the relationship may not be the correct answer here. Remember: Living with a seemingly unaffectionate partner may hurt you, but moving on from someone who still loves you might leave you with regret later. It may amount to irreparable sabotage of the relationship.

Thus, if you know your partner loves you, you must find ways to help them express their affection more in the relationship.

And this is precisely what this blog will help you with. First, we will see some signs your partner may be unaffectionate. Then we will go through the possible reasons behind this behaviour. And after looking at the effects of feeling unloved in a relationship, we will finally learn how you can deal with your unaffectionate partner.

Let’s begin with the signs of an unaffectionate partner.

Signs Your Partner Is Unaffectionate

No Physical Affection—Hugs, Handholding, Cuddles, Kisses

If your partner doesn’t show any physical signs of affection — like hugs, holding hands, cuddling, or kisses —they may be unaffectionate.

Hugs and kisses are the most visible and, hence, apparent signs of affection. 

When your partner doesn’t hesitate to get physical with you, it shows a deep sense of bond and chemistry between you. It shows that they love you so much that they always want to feel one with you.

But not everyone likes to display their affection physically. The reasons can vary. 

They may not have received physical affection from their parents as children or in previous relationships. They may have a strong sense of individuality, which might stop them from getting physical too often. Or physical affection may not be their primary way of expressing affection.

If your partner lacks physical affection, you may notice them avoiding physical touch. Instead of hugging or kissing, they may wave or smile when you meet them.

When they don’t have an option but to get physical, they may become visibly irritated or even agitated.

If physical affection is vital for you, you may feel disappointed, lonely, and even disrespected at times. 

What you need to understand is that your partner still loves you. They don’t intend to insult you; it just doesn’t come naturally to them.

So, instead of getting demanding, you must show understanding. 

At the same time, remember that if they don’t know how to show physical affection, it doesn’t mean they can’t learn it. Help them understand how crucial physical affection is to you. If they genuinely love you, they will understand too and start to make an honest effort.

Remember: affection cannot be forced; it can only be hoped for.

No Emotional Support—Empathy, Support, Encouragement

Emotional support refers to the help you need when feeling low or worried.

When your partner fails to comfort you emotionally, it’s a sign that they are being unaffectionate in the relationship.

A relationship between two people is a lot more than just physical compatibility. It’s about touching each other’s souls and making each other feel peaceful and happy. When you hone the art of calming your partner’s emotions, the relationship begins to find real depth and meaning.

Thus, when your partner isn’t emotionally available, it amounts to being unaffectionate.

When your partner isn’t emotionally supportive, it may be because they don’t understand the value of emotions. It may reflect that they have not learned to manage their own feelings. And this makes them avoid being emotionally available to you as well.

So, if you are feeling sad, instead of spending the day with you, they cancel their plan to meet you.

When your partner doesn’t support you emotionally, you may feel they do not care about you. 

But they may be avoiding you only because they think they will make matters worse for you. It’s true that when feeling down, your partner’s encouraging words may work like magic. But if they don’t have that skill, it’s better to accept it. 

Instead, you can turn to a close friend or family member for emotional support.

Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt will not only make you feel better but also save the relationship from an ugly argument. 

Why Your Partner Doesn’t Show Affection

They Don’t Know How To Express

When your partner doesn’t show affection, it may be because of their inability to express themselves freely.

No matter how much your partner loves you, if they don’t know how to express their emotions, they might fail to show their affection. 

It’s like a bottle full of milk, but being tightly locked by its lid. Due to the lock, the milk cannot be accessed or consumed.

The inability to express themselves may have stemmed from a childhood environment that did not encourage it. They were either ignored or even punished for expressing how they felt. 

But it can also happen due to underdeveloped communication skills—verbal or nonverbal. 

Also, if in past relationships their actions or words were misinterpreted or misunderstood, they may feel sceptical about expressing themselves today.

So, you may notice them getting all sweaty or extremely shy when trying to say encouraging words to you or hugging you.

Your partner’s inability to express their love to you may make you feel unloved. 

But more than your worth, it’s a silent statement on their inner struggle. The truth is, they are not even in a condition to express their desires, let alone their affection towards you. 

In such a situation, instead of expecting something from them, you should support and help them find their voice. You can do so by having an honest conversation with them and, if needed, getting expert help.

Repercussions of Being In A Relationship With An Unaffectionate Partner

The Relationship Feels Empty

When you have an unaffectionate partner, the relationship may start to feel empty.

Without love or affection, the relationship loses its excitement, and there is nothing to look forward to. There are no expectations left from each other and no relationship goals to achieve. 

Such an emptiness in the relationship also starts to make you feel empty inside as a person.

This feeling isn’t normal in a relationship where partners regularly show affection for each other.

When the relationship feels empty, it doesn’t make any difference whether your partner is sitting right next to you or isn’t in the same room. You don’t wait to be with them or to go out on a date with them. The excitement in the relationship is replaced by a feeling of disinterest in each other.

The absence of affection from your partner makes the relationship feel empty because love is the basic ingredient of any relationship. If affection is not displayed and reciprocated by partners, every other aspect of the relationship — such as respect, care, and support — loses its value.

But an alive, if not healthy, relationship should not feel this empty, as it can very quickly build resentment and take the relationship towards a breakdown.

Being in an empty relationship can make you feel drained. It may feel like you are the only one carrying the burden of the relationship. It can not only break the relationship but also undermine your self-esteem, courage, and confidence.

Thus, you need to act promptly to save the relationship and yourself.

Remember: Your goal is not arguments but open and honest communication with your unaffectionate partner. Instead of trying to “change” them, focus on resurrecting the relationship.

How To Deal With A Partner Who Is Not Affectionate

Don’t Force Affection

Forcing affection means pressurising or demanding affection from your partner when it doesn’t come naturally from them.

Affection is an essential need in relationships, but when it’s forced, its very purpose is defeated.

For example, you may ask your partner to get you flowers every day, but when they falter, you may get annoyed, and an ugly argument might follow.

When you force affection, not only do its chances decrease, but you also lose your peace of mind—the demand for affection creates conflict, which creates an even greater distance between you and your partner.

An easy way to stop forcing affection from your partner is to stop expecting it from them. Expectations are the seed of discontent and consequent demand for affection. Instead, create situations that would naturally attract affection from them.

For example, cook their favourite dish or watch their favourite movie with them. It may not happen instantly, but over time, it will prompt your partner to reciprocate with affection.

Your biggest challenge here is managing your expectations. But with the right attitude, it can be made possible.

A simple truth about relationships is that we expect more of something from our partner only when we don’t have it within ourselves. Thus, if you have high expectations of affection from your partner, it means you are short on self-love.

What you need to do is start doing what makes you happy. Pick up an old album and go through some of your happiest memories; start buying yourself some fresh, fragrant, colorful flowers every day; take yourself out on a solo date to your favourite restaurant. The idea is not to expect affection from your partner but to create it for yourself.

Self-love will not only reduce your expectations of your partner but also help you feel more fulfilled and comfortable in your own skin.

Forcing your partner to show affection will make you restless. It will come out as desperation, which will drive your partner away. To gain your partner’s affection, it’s essential that you attract and not demand it. And affection attracts affection. So, love yourself more and let your partner follow in your footsteps!

Gently Bring It Up

When you don’t impose your expectations of affection on your partner, but nothing happens, you need to bring it up gently.

‘Bringing it up’ means informing your partner about the lack of affection in the relationship without sounding complaining or harsh.

Instead of saying – “You don’t love me anymore,” say something like “Your way of showing affection doesn’t seem to reach me.”

Along with bringing it up gently, you can also explain the importance of affection to you. You can tell them how lonely you feel when you don’t feel loved, and that affection in a relationship keeps the connection alive and meaningful. 

Gently explaining the importance of affection to your partner will have a more profound impact.

Being gentle in letting them know has some other clear advantages, too. 

You are polite and not argumentative. This keeps your inner peace. Also, since you don’t sound blaming but rather respectful, your partner is better positioned to acknowledge the issue without getting defensive. Instead of thinking you are making things up, they might reflect on the possibility that they need to notch up their efforts in the relationship. 

An issue that could have easily escalated into a fight becomes a reason to sit together, reflect, and grow closer emotionally.

Being gentle while revealing the lack of affection becomes easier when you focus on sorting out the issue rather than pointing fingers at your partner.

The key is not to get impatient when your partner fails to show affection. Instead, approach your partner when both of you are in a relaxed mood and reveal what you have been feeling. Remember to put it out there as a challenge in the relationship and not as a mistake they have committed.

Communicating the issue gently is essential, but not all is lost even if you could not go as planned. If you lost your temper and lashed out at your partner, you can still make a comeback. 

The moment you realise things have gone wrong, drop out of the argument instantly. Apologise to your partner for being rude, but continue to stand by your feelings. 

You can also use your emotions to get your message across to your partner. For example, you can tell them that the anger stemmed from unspoken feelings that had been troubling you for the past few days. It will help your partner understand the gravity of the issue.

A lack of affection in a relationship is a significant issue. When you choose to communicate it gently, it shows a lot of maturity. It shows how much you value your partner and your inner peace. It will give you the confidence to handle any situation in the relationship calmly yet skilfully. It will also earn you your partner’s respect and help you gain their affection.

Lead By Example

Leading by example means showing your partner how to be affectionate in a relationship by becoming “visibly” affectionate to them.

To lead by example, you may give them a surprise visit at their workplace or send a ‘miss you’ message with a small gift. 

You may prioritise and hug them when they look stressed or confused due to a work project. Simple, comforting words like “Everything is going to be okay” or “You are too good not to find a way out” can go a long way toward showing your partner affection.

When you show noticeable affection to your partner, it has a greater chance of being reciprocated, even if your partner isn’t that affectionate themselves.

When you lead by example, you not only show your partner the way but also keep the relationship going. Instead of feeling unloved, you stay hopeful and take responsibility for keeping the relationship’s excitement alive. You make the relationship a “teamwork” instead of a “blame game.”

To lead by example, it’s vital to stay your true self and not lose yourself when you don’t receive affection from your partner. You have to keep doing what you do without focusing on your partner. Remember: If you make it a tit-for-tat scenario, the relationship might lose its steam.

Only when you stay unaffected by the lack of affection from your partner can you decide to show them the way in an exemplary way.

When you feel ready, plan how to lead by example in showing affection.

An important thing to remember is to do only those things that match your partner’s love language, not just yours. What you consider as affection may not get noticed by your partner. For example, if they are a health-conscious person, cook them a healthy meal. If they like hanging out with their friends, give them the space to do it.

When you understand your partner’s love language, they will start understanding yours and be more affectionate to you.

Leading by example will make you self-sufficient in affection. Your expectations of affection from your partner will be negligible at this stage. In fact, you will be overflowing with affection, which your partner will receive and give back to you. 

They will not only learn from you but also respect you for your non-critical approach and for showing them the way.

Help Them Out

If even leading by example doesn’t evoke affection in your partner, you need to help them out.

By helping them out, I mean telling them your love language or the simple ways that make you feel loved.

For many people, just telling them to be affectionate or leading by example may not work. You may need to say to them precisely what they can do to make you feel loved. Thus, you must be willing to directly communicate your preferred way to receive affection from your partner.

It may be checking in on you at least once during the day, pulling the blanket up when you have fallen asleep on the couch, or simply sitting beside you, holding you when you are feeling low.

It will not only fulfill your need for affection instantly but also foster honest, clear communication in the relationship. 

The best scenario would have been for your partner to find a way to be affectionate toward you. But even if they couldn’t, it’s not such a bad thing. 

The more important thing is that they are willing to fulfil your need for affection. And it can be done by telling them exactly what works for you.

What you need to keep in mind is not to make them feel like a “failure.” 

Thus, begin by thanking them for acknowledging your need for affection. Make them believe they did nothing wrong. And then tell them your ways that make you feel loved. 

What it will do is to give them the confidence and clarity to be more affectionate, hence a better partner to you. 

But you may still need to be patient with them. They may forget what you tell them or be slow to catch up. 

Remember, it’s not their love language, and they might need some time to adjust and start getting consistent. And this is the moment when you need to reciprocate the trust and support they have promised you.

When you help your partner become more affectionate, the relationship becomes like a mutually beneficial partnership. Friction and conflict reduce, your compatibility as a couple increases, and you start finding solutions to even the most complicated relationship issues effortlessly. 

While trying to find a way to receive affection from your partner, you find a way to take the relationship to the next level, where it becomes unbreakable.

Show Your Partner How To Be More Affectionate

Living with an unaffectionate partner can feel challenging, as all the responsibility for affection in the relationship falls on your shoulders. If you “falter,” the relationship might become dysfunctional.

But it’s also an opportunity to love yourself more and help your partner learn how to be more affectionate.

Thus, you must stay positive and keep working in the right direction.

Instead of pressurising your partner to be more affectionate, raise your self-love. When you feel complete and comfortable in your skin, communicate the issue to your partner honestly but gently. 

Love them more so that they understand what you expect from them. If they still find it difficult, reveal your love language so that they can learn it.

The biggest challenge you will face along the way is holding onto who you are. 

If you can overcome the urge to respond to your partner’s lack of affection with anger and resentment, you will feel calm and fulfilled. It will open the door for you to attract not only admiration but also your partner’s respect.

So, instead of looking at your partner like someone who has failed you, look at them like someone who you need to attract affection from. 

It will perfectly position you to invite loads of affection in your relationship.