‘Control’ Deeply Damages A Relationship

Are you regretting the thought “I sabotaged my relationship by being controlling?”

It can be a deeply saddening and self-defeating feeling, but it has a simple way out!

Sometimes we try to impose our ideas, principles, or plans on our partners, only to hurt the relationship. 

For example, we may tell them what to eat, where to spend the weekends, what to wear, who to and who not to meet, and sometimes, even how to feel. It may be unintentional, but in most cases, it doesn’t end up well. We lose that special someone and are left lonely and sad.

Some signs of destructive control in a relationship are repeatedly labeling your partner as “wrong” or “silly,” overly criticizing them, and forcefully pushing them to follow your ways. 

It may happen for a variety of reasons. It may be due to facing controlling parents, exes, or even bosses, having a naturally dominating personality, or being under constant stress or overwhelm. Sometimes, it may also stem from perfectionism or the fear that things will go wrong or be “out of order.”

Relationship sabotage isn’t the only, or even the immediate, repercussion of being controlling. When a partner is controlling, the relationship goes through a series of turmoil before it eventually falls apart. 

The urge to control creates resentment in both partners, causes physical distance and emotional unavailability, and leads to constant arguments and ugly conflicts, pushing the relationship to the brink.

Being controlling turns a loving relationship into a tug-of-war, where one ultimately loses.

It’s often believed that the controlling partner doesn’t go through any pain, but the truth is quite the opposite. 

When you are controlling in a relationship, it hurts you just as much, if not more, than it hurts your partner. You may often realise that being controlling isn’t right, but you feel things are out of your control.

In the end, you not only end up hurting your partner and sabotaging the relationship but also leaving yourself depressed, self-critical, and hopeless.

The problem of being controlling in a relationship is not just about a single relationship. The bigger issue is that if you do not take control of the situation, your future relationships might also end up with the same fate. It may leave you lonely and miserable for life.

Thus, you must not give up on yourself and your life! 

What you need is to stop being controlling and try to recover the lost relationship with all the strength you have. 

But even if you couldn’t, it’s not the end of the world for you. That’s the spirit with which you need to put your next foot.

This blog will show you how to do this. 

It will give you simple yet powerful steps to recover your relationship. It will also reveal some time-proven steps to stop being controlling in a relationship and be more supportive.

By the end of this blog, you will have the confidence to reclaim all that you have lost and more.

Let’s begin!

I Sabotaged My Relationship By Being Controlling — What Do I Do Now?

Learn To Be Supportive In A Relationship

When controlling sabotages your relationship, you must let go of the urge to control and learn to be more supportive of your partner.

Being more supportive towards one’s partner means giving them the freedom to be their authentic selves, encouraging them, and sometimes, even helping them achieve their dreams and goals.

For example, if your partner experiences self-doubt, you must be the one to provide the emotional support they need in that moment. You remind them how strong they are, you believe in them, and that they have your love & support.

Being supportive makes you a great partner—someone your partner can bank upon, especially in challenging times. It brings you closer to your partner and makes you their best friend. 

Making your partner feel good about themselves makes you feel good about yourself, too. You carry that confidence into other areas of your life, making them richer and more yielding.

Everyone longs for such a partner. When you become that person, you can not only hope to recover your lost relationship but also build the perfect relationship you have always wanted. 

You must be thinking — “Is it really possible to turn this around?” and if it is, “Where do I even start to make this right?”

We may not know whether it’s still possible to recover the sabotaged relationship, but it’s certainly possible to become more supportive. 

What you need to do is make that change in yourself, then see if you can reclaim what you lost. 

Here is how you can go about the whole thing.

Accept Your Mistake

You must begin by accepting that being controlling was a big mistake. The fact that your partner doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore is the most significant proof of it. So, accept your mistake unconditionally without any excuses or complaints. It will open the doors of change and recovery.

Understand Why It Matters

Accepting your mistake without understanding it can lead you to repeat it. Thus, understand why controlling isn’t good for a relationship. 

The most crucial argument is that a relationship is about love, sacrifice, and compromise, not control. Controlling throws your partner off and makes the relationship dysfunctional. It makes you disrespect your partner and have impractical expectations of them. In short, being controlling ruins the relationship.

When you have understood the ruins of control in a relationship, you are ready to be in a relationship again.

Be Empathetic

To get your partner back into your life, you need to apologise to them for being controlling and hurting them. 

But you cannot do that without feeling what they went through. Thus, you must be willing to put yourself in their shoes and feel their pain or trauma.

Just imagine how you would feel if they were controlling you! Try to feel the suffocation they went through that comes with being forced or controlled by someone. If you can feel their pain, you are ready to ask for true forgiveness.

Forgive Yourself

But before you can ask your partner for forgiveness, you need to forgive yourself. 

The urge for control is a fire that burns the controlling person first. Nobody wants to be a control freak; it’s the circumstances that make them into one. You are a victim here, too, so do not be harsh on yourself. 

The fact that you accept and understand your mistake and are willing to apologise is enough to make you worthy of self-forgiveness.

Find Out The Root Cause

The next step is to identify the root cause of your controlling behavior.

Was it because of controlling parents or a controlling ex? If it is, forgive them and let go of those difficult moments in the past. Make a fresh start—The one where love and not control defines your life! 

If it’s fear or perfectionism that has made you controlling, it can be worked upon, too.

Work On It

If fear forces you to be controlling, you need to face that fear. 

What can happen if you stop being controlling? You may lose some money or belongings, right? But right now, you are losing important people and relationships. 

This means it’s better to let go of control than to hold on to it. Fear will eventually fade away.

If it’s perfectionism that is keeping you hinged to control, give yourself a conscious reality-check. Perfectionism is just a theoretical concept or a state of mind; it’s not a reality, and no one can achieve it. 

So, instead of chasing it, build it inside your mind through happiness. Keep a smile on your face, and everything will feel just fine! 

Sometimes, control can also stem from the stress boiling inside you. When you choose happiness, stress becomes manageable, too. It will help you overcome the natural urge to control.

Ask For Forgiveness

When you are a changed person, it’s time to apologise to your partner. 

They may be pissed or not want to talk to you. But it was only when you were controlling. The change in you will be visible on your face. So, please visit them and ask for forgiveness. 

Give a heartfelt apology, take full responsibility for the fallout, and promise never to be controlling again. Tell them how important they are to you and urge them to take you back. 

Remember: There is no shame in asking someone you love for forgiveness for your mistake.

Learn From It

There is a high chance your partner will take you back. But even if they don’t, it’s still not a complete loss for you. It will serve as a significant lesson that you can use in the future.

You must remember that destiny plays a significant role in relationships. Maybe the partner you lost wasn’t your soulmate. Maybe your soulmate is waiting for you elsewhere. Thus, do not get disheartened by the unfortunate split. Learn your lesson and move on.

When you become a more supportive partner and restore your relationship, it will be a win-win for you. You will feel more relaxed and powerful than you felt with all the craving for control. It will mean that you are now a better human being and a much better partner. You will now realise how futile it was to crave for control and how magical it is to live with love.

Be Supportive, Give Your Relationship Another Chance

Sabotaging a loving relationship due to your controlling behaviour can be painful. You know you lost your partner because you could not control yourself. This thought might give you immense grief and guilt.

But if you really look at it, it wasn’t your mistake. You did not do it, but the ‘craving for control’ that was housed within you. That’s what you need to fight and release.

All you need to do is understand why control isn’t reasonable in a relationship, become more supportive, and ask for forgiveness from your partner. 

Your partner doesn’t hate you; they only don’t like your controlling behaviour. When you are no longer controlling, they might happily take you back. 

Give yourself that opportunity!

When you are together again, give them all the freedom and support they need to be themselves and achieve their dreams. 

Remember: If you can let go of being a controlling partner, you can also become a truly supportive one.