Getting Over Cheating Can Be Tough

In a survey, 59% people said that they felt they had forgiven their partners after an affair. However, in a different question about healing, 58.5% of people accepted that, although they thought they were somewhat healed, they would always carry the scar of the betrayal.

The survey reveals an interesting fact – Forgiving your partner for cheating and getting over it are two completely different things.

Do you also feel “I Forgave My Boyfriend For Cheating But I Can’t Get Over It?”

Let’s acknowledge the truth here – being cheated is hard, forgiving is harder, but getting over the whole incident is the hardest! 

Although you try to be the bigger person and save the relationship, it hurts like hell. 

You still cannot believe it! You constantly find yourself thinking why they hurt you and sabotaged the relationship? What was going through their mind in that moment? Didn’t they think about you or the relationship even for a second?

All these questions keep haunting you like dark clouds in the sky, and you don’t have an answer to them. The more you think about them, the darker these clouds get. You feel they will never subside, even if you cry your heart out. 

But life cannot go on like this. When you keep reminding yourself of that horrific incident, you are being extremely unfair to yourself. Think about it – You are not letting life move forward, not giving your relationship another chance, and drowning yourself in misery you don’t deserve. Thus, you have to find a way to let go and steer clear of all the pain and struggle. 

The good news? It’s more than possible to get over it! It may seem impossible right now, but it always does until it’s finally done. What you need right now is subtle training of your mind to free yourself from that trap. 

When you are entirely out, you won’t even remember it one day. Trust me. It will only serve as a source of strength to you. It will remind you of how you emerged from a painful personal situation that initially seemed impossible.

This blog is written to be that starting point for you. First, we will quickly confirm the signs that you are still not over being cheated on. Then, we will see why you may be having difficulty getting over it. And finally, we will learn simple, clear, and effective ways to get over it.

Let’s begin.

Signs You Are Not Over Your Partner’s Cheating

If you are experiencing one or more of the following signs, you might be struggling to get over your partner’s infidelity.

Now, let’s understand the possible reasons why one may find it challenging to get over being cheated in a relationship.

Possible Reasons Why You Can’t Forget Your Partner’s Betrayal

Here are some possible causes you can’t forget your partner’s act of betrayal.

Your Partner Isn’t Truly Sorry

When you can’t forget being cheated on by your partner, it may be because you feel they aren’t truly sorry.

When a cheating partner doesn’t feel sorry, it may be because of one or more reasons. Maybe they don’t think they did anything wrong. Maybe they take you for granted. Or perhaps they do not value the relationship itself. Whatever the reason, they do not have a sense of the gravity of the mistake they have committed.

If they aren’t sorry for what they did, they may not have guilt on their face, they may not apologise to you, or acknowledge your pain. They may even still be in contact with the person they cheated you with. You may not see any positive change in their behaviour, and life might go on as usual for them.

It may make you feel worthless, as if you do not matter in the relationship. But your partner’s unapologetic behaviour isn’t about your worth; it’s a statement on their character. It shows that they lack moral values and are insensitive to their partner’s pain. 

If they don’t realise their mistake, it’s a sign they will repeat it. Thus, you need to have an honest conversation about it with them. If you still find no guilt or remorse, you need to decide on the relationship.

Remember: A relationship laden with mistakes but no guilt can quickly turn into a toxic one. You need to protect yourself from such a person before it’s too late because you are the priority.

You Haven’t Truly Forgiven Them

The next possible reason why you are finding it difficult to get over your partner’s cheating is that you haven’t truly forgiven them.

Cheating can be a big psychological blow to anyone. Even if you forgive your partner on the surface, there may remain deep, hidden wounds in your heart. It’s also possible you couldn’t forgive them because you “forgave” too soon to get out of the situation quickly. Maybe you didn’t want to forgive them because cheating is a big deal to you personally.

There are subtle signs that confirm you haven’t forgiven your cheating partner. If you find it hard to be around them, or you ignore their presence, or if you avoid going on dates or weekend night outs with them, which you used to do earlier, or you sometimes burst out on them for no reason, you haven’t truly forgiven them yet.

Unforgiveness doesn’t make you a bad person. But living with grudges can make you feel emotionally drained all the time. It’s like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. You either need to find a way to fully forgive your partner or exit the relationship and protect your mental health. The bottom line – Do what frees you and not what keeps you miserable.

To help you know if you have truly forgiven your cheating partner, here is how true forgiveness differs from virtual or partial forgiveness.

True Forgiveness vs. Virtual Forgiveness

Being Around Them Reminds You of Their Cheating

Sometimes people find it challenging to get over cheating because constantly being around their partner reminds them of what they did.

Living with a cheating partner isn’t easy. You no longer feel safe or yourself around them. Looking at them is like looking at a stranger who may try to hurt you. The face that once evoked the feeling of affection and trust in you now reminds you of the deep hurt and pain they imposed on you.

Every act of theirs reminds you of cheating. When they are silent, it feels as if they are plotting against you. When they talk to you, you remember how they lied to you. And when they are texting someone, you feel suspicious if they are cheating on you again. 

Living with a cheating partner can make you feel insecure all the time. It may not be anybody’s fault, but the after-effects of the shock and pain that come with betrayal. But it’s a highly unhealthy situation to live in. It would be best to get away from your partner for some time and heal in the comfort of close friends or family. After all, you cannot keep pricking a wound and at the same time expect it to heal. 

You Have Been Betrayed In The Past

If you have been betrayed in the past, you might find it hard to get over being cheated on in your current relationship.

A fresh wound on a past wound is always more painful, which makes it difficult to ignore. You start having self-doubts about your worth and whether you are a good partner. The more you blame yourself, the more difficult it becomes to let go of the incident.

Holding onto the past can be painful. You constantly compare your current partner with your cheating ex and consider the former to be worse. You find it hard to rebuild trust in the relationship, even when your partner is honest in their efforts. You start seeing the loopholes of the previous relationship in the current one.

The fact that your current partner cheated doesn’t mean they are like your ex. It’s possible it was an honest mistake and that they are determined to improve. Recalling the horrors of the previous relationship gives you more pain than the current situation should. It unknowingly takes your relationship towards the same fate. 

Thus, it’s essential to focus on the present. Doing so will not only reduce your pain but will also give your relationship the real opportunity it needs.

After knowing the possible causes, let’s find out how to get over cheating in your relationship.

I Forgave My Boyfriend For Cheating But I Can’t Get Over It – Here Is What To Do

Here are some simple yet practical ways to get over cheating in your relationship.

Talk To Your Partner

Having a frank conversation with your partner may help you get over being cheated on.

When you talk to your partner, they may offer solutions. They may give a heartfelt apology, show willingness to make you feel better, or agree on trust-rebuilding measures like deleting the number of that person they cheated you with. All this might help you forget the horrific incident.

Find a suitable time and place to approach them. Tell them how you have tried but couldn’t forget what happened. Assure them you have forgiven them and ask for their help and cooperation.

Talking to your partner about it will help you in two ways. First, it will help you share your feelings, which can make you feel relieved instantly. And second, it will offer you much-needed help and support from your partner. When you get your partner’s hand, it will make getting over the incident much easier. 

Brush Up On The Art of Forgiving

Sometimes, forgiving someone the right way is all it takes to forget their hurtful actions.

When you forgive someone only on the surface, flashes of the horrific memory might stay within you. But when you forgive from the bottom of your heart, you find it easier to forget those things.

True forgiveness requires time, patience, and a little effort in the right direction.

Journaling is a proven way to forgive the right way. Write answers to simple prompts like – What happened, how you felt, and why, what is stopping you from forgiving, and why you need to let go and forgive truly.

Answering these questions can help you release deep-seated grudges and forgive your partner in the true sense of the word.

Take A Break From Being Under The Same Roof

Living under the same roof with your partner without giving yourself the time to heal away from them may not be a good idea.

When you don’t give yourself a break from your cheating partner and the relationship, it becomes difficult to forget what they did. You need to clear your mind and return refreshed, which can only happen when you take a break.

You may have to face practical issues when you decide to do this. You may not be thinking clearly, or your partner might want you to stay. The fact that you are not thinking clearly should prompt you to get away from the situation for a while. Talk to your partner about the space and time you need to rewire and refresh, and move out.

It might feel scary at first. There might also be doubts regarding whether you will return. But the most crucial thing in that moment is YOU. You need to get over what has happened, and this can only happen when you take a break from the relationship. 

So, move out and stay with family and friends who love and care about you. It will help you heal faster and get things back in perspective.  

If you choose to stay in the relationship, it will help you get over the incident and be your true self once again.

Let Your Painful Past Go

Sometimes letting go of a painful past can help you forget painful memories in the present.

When you hold onto the past, the current incident seems bigger, deeper, and more challenging to let go of. It leads to a domino effect, which makes it feel heavier. 

But when you let go of the memories of being cheated in the past, it helps you deal with the current incident better. You see it as a separate, one-off incident that may happen to anyone. It reduces the pain and gives you the strength to deal with it wisely.

Letting go of the past isn’t easy, but it isn’t that hard either. If we can loosen our grip over it in simple ways, that past will lose power over us. The most important thing to realize is that it’s already in the past, and we don’t need to relive it in the present. It was like a bad dream that is over now. You need to remember that it wasn’t your fault and forgive those who hurt you to let that nightmare fade away from your memory.

Letting go of the memory of being cheated will make you feel lighter instantly. A calmer mind will be more focused, helping you get over the cheating incident and truly forgive your partner.

Focus On The Positives

Focusing on the positives in your life can help you get over being cheated.

When we are unable to move past painful memories, a significant reason is that we are too focused on them. The more you focus on them, the deeper you keep falling into that trap. If you can place your attention on the good things happening in your life, bad memories will no longer exist for you.

So, instead of focusing on the cheating incident, focus on the fact that your partner apologised to you for their mistake, agreed to work on themselves and become a better partner, and that your relationship has a chance to get resurrected.

Focusing on positives right after getting cheated can feel difficult. But persistence is the key. Refuse to give up and keep shifting your attention from the incident to the positives. When you start succeeding, it will just be a matter of staying on that path. 

It will slowly make you the positive person you once were and give you the strength to forget the infidelity incident of your partner forever.

Learn To Trust Again From Scratch

Learning to trust again can help you get over being cheated on.

When you get cheated on, your trust shakes. Every time you try to trust your partner, you get reminded of the horrific incident. But if you can find a way to learn to trust again, you can get over the incident once and for all. 

So, the way is to learn to trust from scratch, taking small steps. Here are some simple steps you can use to rebuild trust in your relationship:

• Do not force yourself to become trusting suddenly.
• Have an honest conversation with your partner about the status of trust in the relationship.

• Ask them to take steps so that you can trust them again. For example, they might agree to keep the relationship transparent and be honest with you in the future.

• Draw new boundaries to redevelop trust and clearly express your expectations from your partner. Remember to be practical and not too ambitious.

• Carry out exercises or practices that help raise trust between couples. For example, you can play games that involve multiple couples, each working together as teammates. You can also go out traveling, which involves taking care of each other.

• As an individual, meeting new people and making new friends can help you open up and increase your overall trust levels.

Not assuming trust and rebuilding it from scratch can give you the fresh start you need in the relationship. 

Focus On Your Hobbies, Career

Sometimes, shifting your focus from the relationship to personal aspects like your hobbies and career helps you get over being cheated on.

Pain in relationships can make you lose touch with yourself. When you get cheated, you forget you had a life before the relationship. But when you return to your roots and life goals, you not only overcome the horrific incident but also rediscover your true self.

If you can’t get the cheating incident out of your head, instead of staying trapped, choose to pursue a long-lost hobby, such as singing, painting, gardening, or travelling. 

If you feel stuck in the nightmares of the relationship, get a move on the career front. Work harder, get a raise or a promotion, and give a shot at becoming the best in the business.

These things will shift your attention from what’s keeping you sad to what can bring you alive. It will make you feel more like yourself and give you the confidence to overcome relationship setbacks like cheating.

Consider Personal And Couples Therapy

Sometimes, getting over painful memories in a relationship needs expert help.

Expert therapists know precisely what a person goes through after experiencing cheating. They have a firm grasp of the process needed to overcome the incident. 

By merely asking the right questions and giving the psychological support one needs, they can kickstart your healing process within minutes.

If you feel nothing is working for you, you must consider personal and even couples therapy. Talk about it to your partner and express your need for therapy. If they care about you and want to win your trust back, they will agree to give it a try. 

When you are there, do not hold yourself back. Be brutally honest and pour your heart out. Remember: It’s your opportunity to get over the pain you have carried for so long.

Expressing the deep trauma, feeling validated, and getting the proper guidance will help you get over the cheating and feel like yourself again.

If You Still Don’t Feel Convinced, Walk Away

If nothing helps you get over the cheating incident, including therapy, it might be a clear sign to walk away from the relationship.

Walking away from a relationship is always the last resort. But if nothing has worked for you, walking away might be the only hope. 

When you are no longer in a relationship with your cheating partner, the wound slowly heals. And when you find someone who is truly loyal, it may finally replace the bad memories of the previous relationship with the happy times you spend in the new relationship. 

Moving on from what can’t be mended is always the wise choice you must be willing to make.

Walking away from someone you love is always going to be tough. But it becomes easy when you love yourself, too. Take the step as it is to regain your inner peace and happiness. 

Talk to your partner and explain your situation. Tell them you tried your best, and walking away is the only option left. Wish them well and forgive them wholeheartedly so that you can move ahead without any grudges.

By moving on, you not only allow the cheating incident to fade away from your life but also allow yourself to heal, become yourself again, and create a better future for yourself.

You Are The Priority

Being cheated is already tough, but it’s even harder when you can’t get over it. It shrinks your world and makes you feel helpless and hopeless.

But it does have a way out. Understanding the cause can give you a starting point. 

To get it completely out of your system, you need to ensure the partner is sorry, willing to improve, and transparent. The next step is for you to forgive fully and learn to trust them again. And finally, find yourself again outside the relationship and rebuild it from scratch. 

Do not forget to lay the new robust boundaries in the relationship to guide it forward.

Forgiving a cheating partner already takes a lot out of you. But you are taking it one step further by trying to forget what happened. It speaks volumes about how badly you want the relationship to work.

But you must also take care of yourself and your mental health. Remember: the relationship is significant, but you are the priority!