You Are Already “GOLD”
Do you often wonder how to love yourself just the way you are?
Let me ask you a simple question.
Do you wait for your gold to turn into a diamond before you can wear it?
No, right?
You wear it anyway, but stay hopeful for the day you can afford diamonds.
Then why do you wait for yourself to become a certain way before you can start loving yourself?
I know self-love can be hard when you don’t feel good about yourself.
But you need to realize that you are already gold, waiting to turn into a diamond!
Deep down, you also know that to improve yourself, you first need to love yourself.”
It may seem like a catch-22 situation, but there is a way out.
You need to make a start by developing “The three SELFs” within yourself – self-kindness, self-esteem, and self-confidence.
It will help you start loving yourself just the way you are.
This article will help you do just that.
It will provide you with practical steps to help you make the necessary mindset shift and start loving yourself just the way you are.
It will encourage you to accept and be yourself so that you no longer wait for the “right time” to love yourself.
So, let’s begin.
What Does ‘Loving Yourself Just The Way You Are’ Mean?
Loving yourself just the way you are means loving yourself for who you are in this moment rather than waiting to become a certain way.
So, even though you know you are not the most beautiful or the most intelligent person around, you still love yourself.
You accept your flaws and focus on the good things in yourself, which makes it easier to love yourself.
There are certain situations in which it may become difficult to love oneself just as one is.
Here is a simple list of such situations in an infographic.
When faced with one or more of the above situations, it may not feel easy to love yourself just the way you are.
But with a little concerted effort in the right direction, it’s possible to accept yourself. We will soon find out how.
Loving yourself just the way you are is very important. It helps you avoid the constant dissatisfaction with yourself, which can hurt your inner peace and build frustration within you.
Also, if you want to tap your full potential, you must see value in who you are.
Signs You Don’t Love Yourself Just The Way You Are
Knowing whether you accept yourself or not can be difficult at times.
Here are some signs you are finding it difficult to love yourself just the way you are.
The reasons why one may not love themselves just the way they are can be many.
Here are the major ones.
Why Loving Yourself Just The Way You Are Feels Difficult
Negative Conditioning
When parents make a child feel inadequate or fail to support them during their childhood, the child may do the same to themselves when they grow up.
Low Self-Esteem
Having self-doubts and feeling inferior to others may lead you to reject who you are.
Failures
If a person faces constant failures in life, they start feeling that they are not good enough.
It makes it harder for them to love themselves for who they are.
People’s Expectations or Judgments
If you get easily or deeply affected by what people expect from you or think about you, you tend to hate yourself when you go “wrong.”
Toxic Relationships
When you are in a toxic relationship, your toxic partner might make you believe that you are not good enough.
They may fill you with discontent and self-doubt, which might prevent you from loving yourself just the way you are.
Perfectionist Tendencies
When you long for perfection in everything you do, you might disappoint yourself more often than not.
It might trigger anxiety and frustration, preventing you from accepting your true self.
Constant Comparisons
If we constantly compare ourselves to others, it may always leave us feeling sad.
We may often feel inadequate and struggle to accept our unique selves.
Negative Self-Talk
Even if we excel in most areas, constant negativity or negative self-talk may keep us dissatisfied.
We may not accept or love ourselves for who we are.
Loving Yourself Just The Way You Are vs. Loving Yourself After You’ve Changed
When you don’t accept yourself fully, you try to become someone else before you can start loving yourself.
But even if you have made those changes in yourself, self-love might still elude you.
It will be a pale shadow of what self-love is.
Loving yourself just the way you are is far superior and satisfying than loving yourself when you have changed.
Here are some key differences between the two kinds of self-love.
When you love yourself just the way you are, your self-love is unconditional, which keeps it authentic and ever-increasing.
What Happens When You Don’t Love Yourself Just The Way You Are
Loving yourself just the way you are is essential to leading a happy and vibrant life.
When you don’t love yourself for who you are, it can have severe repercussions on your well-being.
Here are some of the emotional, mental, and physical adverse effects of it.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is both a cause and a consequence of not loving yourself just the way you are.
When you don’t love yourself for who you are, you develop a very low self-image.
In the long run, this low self-image transforms into low self-esteem, keeping you stuck and miserable.
Unhealthy Relationships
When you don’t love yourself just the way you are, there is a greater chance of landing in a toxic relationship.
Even if you don’t, you continue to doubt your relationship, which destabilizes it.
Anxiety & Depression
Happiness comes from within when you feel right about yourself.
But when you are constantly dissatisfied with yourself, it can cause issues with your mental health and wellness in the form of anxiety and even depression.
Fear of Being Yourself
When you don’t love yourself just the way you are, you try to hide or silence your true self.
You worry about people judging, criticizing, or leaving you for who you are.
Burnout
When you don’t like the person you are, you try to be someone else all the time, which might make you feel exhausted.
Trying to be someone else may also make you feel ‘not enough,’ adding to the feeling of frustration and constant exhaustion.
Indecision
Life is all about making the right choices spontaneously.
However, making the right choices requires you to be your authentic self in a given moment.
When you don’t love yourself just the way you are, you may find yourself trapped in overthinking and, consequently, indecision, which might force you to live a below-par life.
Constant Need For Approval
When you don’t love yourself just the way you are, you keep looking towards others for approval or validation.
You aren’t able to trust yourself or your decisions, which makes you dependent on others.
Avoidance of Growth Opportunities
When you don’t love yourself just the way you are, you are unsure of your potential or what you can and cannot accomplish.
So, to avoid the pain of failures, you forgo big opportunities to grow.
Negative Self-Talk
When you are not happy with yourself, you become self-critical or self-loathing.
You constantly give yourself negative feedback, which wires your mind the wrong way to turn your life upside down.
Disconnected Mind-Body Relationship
When you find it difficult to accept yourself, the synchronization between your mind and body suffers.
You start feeling out of place and lonely all the time, which makes life difficult.
You may also overlook your physical needs, such as rest, nutrition, or exercise.
How To Love Yourself Just The Way You Are
To live a fruitful life, the one you truly deserve, you must start loving yourself just the way you are.
Remember, it’s not about being perfect but being persistent with yourself.
Here is how you can do it.
Speak To Yourself Kindly
Inner voice matters!
So, instead of being self-critical, be gentle and supportive, just as you would be with a dear friend who is struggling.
Instead of saying, “I am such a failure,” try, “I had a tough day, and that’s okay.”
Accept Your Flaws & Imperfections
To be worthy of self-love and appreciation, you don’t need to be flawless.
Accept your story, including your mistakes, failures, and scars. Do not hide them, as doing so increases discontent within.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
Remember that you are unique and immensely valuable.
Don’t let someone else’s success make you feel like a failure or any less of yourself.
Set Boundaries To Protect Your Peace
When you say ‘no,’ spend time on yourself or walk away from negativity, it doesn’t make you selfish, but someone with self-respect.
So, set healthy boundaries with pride, not fear or guilt.
Celebrate Small Wins
You don’t need significant achievements to appreciate yourself.
Start giving yourself more credit for getting out of bed, finishing a task, or stepping out of your comfort zone.
Surround Yourself With Positive & Supportive People
Let go of people who drain you or make you feel bad about yourself. Build connections that make you feel strong, positive, and empowered.
Practice Self-Care Consistently
Commit to self-care and follow a self-care regimen religiously.
Eat well, sleep right, move your body, take breaks, and do things that make your soul feel good.
Let Go Of The Need To Prove Yourself
Trying to prove yourself always makes you feel inadequate and unworthy of love.
So, instead of trying to prove yourself to anybody, do things that make you feel complete and yourself.
Even when you are not doing anything, acknowledge and cherish your existence.
Forgive Yourself
Making mistakes isn’t a sin; it’s human; accept them.
Let go of what you could not accomplish so that you can see the value of what you did achieve.
Learn from your mistakes and be willing to forgive yourself when the mistake is genuine.
Be Patient With Yourself
All good things take time, including healing, growth, and self-love. Do not unnecessarily pressurize yourself with a deadline.
Go at your own pace and let genuine self-love come naturally.
Self-Acceptance Is A Lifelong Commitment
Remember, loving yourself just the way you are isn’t a one-time decision; it’s a lifelong commitment. It’s a daily practice to show up for yourself with gentleness and honesty. You already deserve love—just the way you are!
When you accept yourself fully and start loving yourself just the way you are, magic starts to happen.
I leave you with an infographic depicting how life looks when you embrace who you truly are!
FAQs
What is the root of self-hatred?
The root of self-hatred often stems from perfectionist tendencies. When you have a particular image of yourself that you want to achieve, failure can cause frustration and consequent self-hatred. Perfectionism can be the result of a lack of validation or unsupportive parents during childhood.
Why do I struggle to be myself?
There are two possible reasons why you may struggle to be yourself. First, you haven’t found yourself yet. To find yourself, outline what makes you YOU. Second, you don’t trust yourself or have low self-esteem. To trust yourself more, stop second-guessing yourself and believe in yourself.
Why can't I accept myself?
We find it difficult to accept ourselves when we think we have weaknesses and that we are not good enough. There are two possible solutions or routes you can take. First, tell yourself that no one is perfect and embrace your flaws. Second, work on the things you think need improvement. Keep yourself motivated, and don’t give up on yourself.
How do you overcome low self-esteem?
A huge cause of low self-esteem is overthinking about yourself. Give up the habit of over-analyzing every thought or action of yours. Also, stop comparing yourself to others and stop feeling judged all the time. Feel comfortable under your skin and be committed to self-improvement. Whenever you fail, be self-compassionate, not self-critical.
How do you rebuild self-esteem after a toxic relationship?
A toxic partner might gaslight you into believing you are not good enough. They dominate you and make you feel small and powerless. When you quit the toxic relationship, take your power back by tapping into the old self that you were before entering the relationship. If you can’t do that, make a new beginning and start loving yourself more.
Why am I struggling with loving myself?
When self-love feels difficult, you need to accept yourself just the way you are. Do not wait to become a certain way or be influenced by what people say or believe about you. See the value in yourself for who you are and tell yourself that you are willing to get better. It will help you accept yourself.
Why can't I love myself the way I love others?
Loving yourself like you love others is difficult for two reasons. First, we humans are naturally outward-oriented, which makes loving others easier than loving ourselves. Second, loving people who you know and think of less than yourself is easier. We know “too much” about ourselves, which can sometimes make us feel negative and overwhelmed.
What is the first step to self-love?
The first step to self-love is understanding oneself. To do this, you must analyze your story and think about who you are, how you behave in different situations and why, and what your likes and dislikes are. This understanding should either bring you self-respect or self-compassion, which will help you accept yourself more effectively.
How do you practice kindness to yourself?
Practicing kindness to yourself requires you to do three simple things. First, don’t blame yourself for a complicated past. Even if you feel it was your mistake, forgive yourself, as no one is perfect. Second, be gentle and compassionate with yourself when you make a mistake. Third, give yourself credit for trying without becoming self-critical in the face of failures.
How to trick yourself into loving yourself?
If you trick yourself into loving yourself, your mind will trick you into hating yourself. Instead of trying to trick yourself into loving yourself, convince yourself. Remind yourself that you have gone through a lot and that you deserve self-love. Motivate yourself by telling yourself that self-love will make your life far easier and more beautiful than it currently is.
How do you allow yourself to love yourself?
You allow yourself to love yourself by getting out of the way. Stop feeding your mind with negativity by indulging in negative self-talk. Realize the need for self-love in your life and let yourself love yourself. Don’t wait for yourself to achieve big things or become a certain way; see value in who you are in this moment.
