Emotional Invalidation In Relationships

Is the problem ‘My partner gets angry when I cry’ making you feel emotionally invalidated and worthless in your relationship?

Imagine yourself concerned as you feel your partner hasn’t been themselves lately.

You decide to approach them and ask if everything is okay.

But when you talk to them, they say they are busy and can’t talk.

And when you feel hurt and start crying, they get mad at you for being “childish.”

Sounds familiar?

You might think your partner getting angry at you for crying isn’t common in relationships.

If you do, think again, as it is a common occurrence in relationships.

Many men show signs of irritability, anger, or emotional invalidation when their partners cry.

Instead of comforting their partners, they exhibit insensitivity by saying hurtful things in a state of rage.

In this article, I will discuss this relationship issue in detail.

I will tell you why crying in relationships isn’t wrong, possible reasons why your partner gets angry when you cry, and practical ways to make things right.

So, let’s start with the reason behind your crying.

Essential Questions To Ask Yourself

Why Are You Crying?

It’s common to ignore the reason why one cries in one’s relationship.

They think that as long as everything gets back to normal, there is no need to go into the depth of the matter.

But the truth is that if you don’t consider why you cry in your relationship, the situation may keep repeating itself.

So, see whether the reason behind your crying is related to the relationship or something else.

Even if it is not related to the relationship, your partner should have been more considerate towards your feelings.

But if it is related to the relationship, you need to ask yourself some critical questions.

Does This Happen Frequently?

The most critical question you need to ask yourself is – Does this happen frequently?

If your partner mostly gets mad when you express your feelings, it’s not a healthy relationship situation.

Your partner’s consistently inconsiderate and insensitive behavior might affect you and the relationship adversely.

Here are some repercussions when your partner gets angry when you cry.

Remember, if your partner for no reason gets irritated or even mad when you cry, it’s not your fault.

Crying in a relationship is perfectly normal and even good for many reasons.

Why Crying In A Relationship Is Healthy

Emotional Release

Relationships can be emotionally overwhelming sometimes.

Crying can help release emotions, especially negative ones, making you feel lighter and more like yourself again.

A Sign The Relationship Needs Communication

Often, partners struggle to determine when they need to communicate effectively in a relationship.

Crying serves as a sign that the relationship needs healthy communication. It helps avoid emotional distance between partners by triggering a much-needed conversation.

Clearing Misunderstandings & Dissatisfactions

Dissatisfaction in a relationship can often manifest as complaints and criticism.

Emotional release in the form of crying can be a great way to express unhappiness.

It also evokes empathy and compassion, which can help avoid misunderstandings.

Preventing Conflicts Healthily

A simple discussion in a relationship can turn into an argument or fight in no time.

Crying can ensure feelings are communicated in a healthy way that avoids conflicts.

Strengthens The Bond

When a partner cries, it melts the heart of the other one, thus bringing them closer.

Crying can lead to a heart-to-heart conversation, strengthening the bond partners share.

If your crying is giving you the wrong results in your relationship, you must be watchful.

Has Your Relationship Turned Toxic?

The next question that you need to ask yourself is – Has the relationship become toxic?

It’s a difficult question that can break your relationship, but it’s also a very important one.

Remember, you are the priority in your relationship. If you feel the relationship has turned toxic lately, you need to get out of it immediately.

Here are some signs of a toxic relationship that would help detect toxicity in your relationship.

If your partner exhibits these signs, your relationship might be toxic.

I hope this is not the case in your relationship, but if it is, you must protect your emotional and mental health by opting out of it at the earliest.

Do I Cry Too Much In My Relationship?

Crying in a relationship is not an offense but rather a healthy sign for you and the relationship.

However, if you cry too frequently and at the wrong moments, you may want to change your ways.

Hence, the next question you need to ask yourself is – Do I cry too much in my relationship?

When you cry too much in a relationship, you may become emotionally weak and overly sensitive.

It’s neither good for you nor the relationship.

Crying too often gives you enormous pain and makes you feel emotionally exhausted at all times.

It may also make you feel that the relationship isn’t working even when it is. This can create unnecessary dissatisfaction and drama in the relationship, making it fragile and unstable.

You may run the risk of pushing a good partner away, sabotaging the relationship, and feeling guilty afterward. 

How Much Is Too Much Crying In A Relationship?

A rule of thumb says that if you cry every day, it’s too much. It’s okay if you do it once or twice a week to release your emotions.

But remember, if you feel overwhelmed by your emotions too frequently, crying may be your only option until you get expert help.

The bottom line is that it’s not okay to keep emotions inside forcefully. If you feel the need, you must cry and release the stress. But if you think you cry too much, you must see an expert who will help you manage your emotions better.

Do You Cry In The Wrong Moments?

You also need to prevent crying in the wrong situations.

Crying over small things may accumulate resentment in your partner over time, which can come out in the form of anger.

Here is a comparison of the situations when it’s okay and not okay to cry in a relationship.

Genuine Concerns In The Relationship

But if it’s neither you nor your partner, there is a genuine concern behind your partner’s anger when you cry that needs attention.

These genuine concerns are the underlying reasons that are fuelling anger within your partner.

If you can work as a team to overcome these issues, things can get normal once again.

Here is an infographic telling the key differences between a genuine concern and emotional abuse.

Check your partner for these signs.

When you are sure that it’s not emotional abuse but a genuine concern that needs attention, you can start looking for the underlying cause.

Here are the possible reasons behind your partner’s anger when you cry.

Why does my partner get angry when I cry?

Stress Response

Stress can make people do unexpected things.

If work or general stress has accumulated within your partner and they are unsure how to release it, it may trigger anger within them.

Taking Crying As Emotional Manipulation

Many men consider crying as a way of emotional manipulation.

So, when you cry, they feel it’s not genuine but a way to get things done unacceptably.

Unaddressed Distasteful Childhood Experiences

Men are generally brought up with the attitude to “be tough.” So, they may have been scolded by their parents for crying in their childhood.

Sometimes, it makes them treat their partners the same way, thinking it’s the right thing to do.

Difficulty Facing Emotions

Men are also not taught how to deal with their emotions. They are trained to keep them inside and suppress them.

As a result, many men do not know how to deal with real emotions. Anger might come out as a natural response to their partner’s feelings.

Anger Issues

When emotional regulation is stunted, anger issues germinate within a person.

They may try to solve every difficult situation with rage. And before you know it, anger becomes a habit.

Feeling Guilty

When you cry in front of your partner, they may feel you are accusing them. 

To clear themselves of blame, they might become defensive, which often manifests as anger.

Trying To Shut Down The Conversation

Many men do not enjoy communicating; they tend to avoid it in some way. 

So, when you express your feelings, to shut down the conversation, they may use force in the form of anger.

A Misunderstanding Or Communication Issue

Communication issues are common in any relationship.

So, you may be trying to open up to them, but they may not be in the mood to talk, which can trigger anger.

Genuine concerns always have bankable solutions.

Here are some things you can do if your partner gets mad when you cry.

My Partner Gets Angry When I Cry, What Do I Do?

Do Not Get Intimidated

When your partner gets angry at you for crying, do not get intimidated by them.

You haven’t done anything wrong, and you don’t need to feel scared, even for a moment.

Getting intimidated by your partner’s anger might also allow them to dominate, making them even more insensitive.

The love and care might get replaced by anger and fear, which might ruin the relationship forever.

Do Not Answer Fire With Fire

If your partner is angry, it doesn’t mean you have to match them.

Doing so will only exacerbate the situation, and the argument may escalate out of proportion.

But what is even more important is that it will destroy your inner peace.

Do Not Take Any Decision In Haste

Another thing that you should refrain from doing is making any hasty decisions.

When your partner is angry while you are crying, it may seem insulting to you.

Therefore, you may end the relationship based on this isolated incident.

But any such decision will be a choice made in haste and not a wise one.

It might make you regret your decision to let go of a relationship that could have been mended.

So, choose not to overreact to your partner’s anger and be the sane one.

Get Away From Them

The only option you are left with now is to get away from your angry partner.

Doing so will have two clear benefits.

First, you will prevent yourself from doing anything unnecessary, such as getting scared, angry, or breaking up in the heat of the moment.

Second, not reacting to your partner’s anger will create self-doubt in their mind, making them apologize to you later.

Consider Individual Counseling

If you think you are overly sensitive or cry very easily, you may want to give counseling a try.

Talking to someone, especially an expert, can help you identify the underlying cause and, therefore, overcome the issue.

You can also talk about how it makes you feel when your partner gets angry while you are crying.

An emotional release may go a long way in healing you from within.

It’s also possible that your partner starts empathizing with you and starts working on their rage.

Talk To Them When They Get Normal

When your partner is no longer angry, they may realize their mistake and apologize to you.

If it doesn’t happen, approach them yourself and try discussing the issue with them.

Do not sound blaming or unhappy with them; show empathy and ask them why they behave the way they do.

Tell Them How You Felt

Be specific in telling them how it makes you feel when they get angry while you cry.

Tell them how it makes you feel disrespected and how it hurts your self-worth at that moment.

Explain to them that in such situations, they need to be compassionate and empathetic, not angry.

Try To Find Out The Underlying Reason

It’s possible that your partner doesn’t know why they get angry when you cry.

Use the causes listed in this article to find the reason behind your partner’s behavior.

Ask them which reason they think is preventing them from acting empathetically.

Suggest Ways To Overcome

Once you identify the cause, try resolving the issue together without putting pressure on your partner.

For example, if stress is the reason behind their insensitive behavior, try ways like deep breathing, Yoga, meditation, or regular physical exercising to release the stress.

Similarly, if they take your crying as an emotional manipulation, explain to them that it’s a natural response to release emotions and not emotional manipulation.

Gently Suggest Counseling/Therapy

If the issue seems out of your partner’s control, gently suggest counseling or therapy.

To convince them, you can give your example of how it helped you.

So, if it’s unmet childhood trauma or anger issues, your partner can overcome them with a bit of external expert help.

The only thing they need to do is discuss them and follow some helpful exercises over the next few weeks.

Support Them While They Heal

Healing takes time, patience, and courage, especially when the issue relates to one’s childhood. 

When your partner chooses therapy, support them well. Prepare them for the bad days and be there to hold their hand when they falter. 

Make them believe that they can overcome the issue. Motivate them by showing what their life with you will look like once they get healed.

With a bit of therapy and a lot of love from you, your partner will heal and become their true selves once again.

Once your partner and you get healed fully, you must also consider couples counseling to reboot the relationship.

It will lay a strong foundation for a new journey in your relationship.

Building Emotional Validation In Your Relationship

Crying in a relationship is not only okay but a healthy practice. It helps you prevent feeling overwhelmed, a common experience in relationships. 

You don’t need to feel guilty about it.

You also have the right to feel emotionally validated in your relationship. If you don’t, you must check if you are stuck in a toxic relationship. If you are, you must get out of it as soon as possible, as you are the priority.

However, if your partner has genuine concerns that are stopping them from being emotionally validating, you must take the necessary steps.

You must also consider therapy, both for yourself and your partner, individually and as a couple.

When emotional validation returns in your relationship, your bond with your partner will deepen and start growing endlessly.

Here is what a relationship with emotional validation looks like.